wings are something we all need
so we can soar above the clouds
reach our hopes and dreams
and become them
and win the motivation to find some more
~
some have angel wings
other eagle's
some made out of old sheets
others of treasures in the garage
and still some just flap their arms with a little bit of paper
~
i have wings like all the rest
right now they're made of cardboard
but all it takes is a little imagination
to become a pilot
of my very own airplane
~
wings don't stay the same however
they grow and change
stronger the next day
when you have learned a little better
on how to reach your dreams
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey there! I'm here to review your work.
I know this is an older poem of yours, but I really did enjoy it. I can see the beginnings of your current poetry style in it - especially with the imagery you used in the middle two stanzas. As you can tell from my previous reviews, I really love your use of it. It adds a lot to the point that you're trying to make, and also is aesthetically pleasing to read.
I agree with @BlueAfrica's comment on the lack of imagery in the first stanza. I think it's a great start on its own, but it pales in comparison to the two stanzas that follow. If you ever do revise this, I would suggest replicating the kind of imagery you use there.
Speaking of that imagery, I really loved the way you described the different wings. I was expecting the "natural" kind of wings - angel and eagle wings - but I was unprepared for the other kinds you whipped out. It did a great job at showcasing the creativity you mention having in the next stanza.
Great job on this poem, and I can't wait to read more from you!
Surprised to see you here, but thank you! <3 I agree with the first stanza imagery issue, but I'm glad you saw something good in this! Not my greatest poem in my opinion, but NaPo poems are always a bit funky.
Anyways, thanks again! c:
Hi there!
So first of all, these two stanzas are my favorites.
I particularly like the stanza where you describe the different kinds of wings people have, especially "some made out of old sheets/others of treasures in the garage/and still some just flap their arms with a little bit of paper." It's more concrete than the rest of the poem and gives me more of an idea of the different kinds of people you mention - especially those who "just flap their arms with a little bit of paper."
The first stanza, in contrast, is vague and lacks imagery. It's pretty generic right now.
The last three lines in particular are generic and have no imagery or figurative language to help them along. I was also oddly struck by "become them" in reference to our hopes and dreams, since generally we talk about hopes and dreams as something we have rather than something we are (although arguably you can become your hopes and dreams if your hopes and dreams are about something you want to be).
I feel like your meaning is clear enough with "wings are something we all need/to soar above the clouds" - I think readers can easily interpret this poem to be about striving for your goals despite setbacks, or the power of positive thinking/action, or something related. You could probably tie those first two lines of the poem together with the second stanza, without the last three lines of the first stanza.
I'm also not sure about the last stanza. I like how you start with a general "everybody needs wings" and then get more specific, talking about the different kinds of wings people have/use, and then get even more specific, talking about your own wings. It's like the poem starts outside, big picture, and then moves in. But then the last stanza goes back to talking in general terms. I feel like it either wants to be trimmed/cut or else tied more clearly to the third stanza/have a smoother transition from the third stanza.
Thanks for the review! I will keep in mind your thoughts if I ever get around to revising this
Hello, Cat!! Liz is here!!!
First off: Let me state what I liked about this:
What I like was how you did your spacing in between them, and that the stanza's change after every space.
And your title was super appropriate.
Secondly, Let me give you a tinie pointer:
Capitalize your title. "Wings" makes it important, and draws more attention.
Your capitalization might need just a tiny bit of work. At the beginning of every Stanza, you might need to capitalize there.
And capitalize 'Angel Wings' Because that is pretty important in your poem.
Lastly, My overall thoughts:
I loved this, Cat!! This was so sweet. It was very inspirational. It makes me want to go write something. And i loved the point of it!!!
Nice job!!!
Thanks for the review! Not capitalizing anything is a stylistic choice.
Ohh. Okay. I capitalize my stuff all the time, but okie dokie. IT WAS AMAZING!!
Why thank you!
Your welcome
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about goals and reaching them with the help of wings and how imagined wings can provide us with that sensation.
What the wings actually are is left for the reader to figure out which lends the poem a certain mystery. In this case, it seems to me that they are used to represent something that helps people to reach goals.
This creates the possibility that they represent a positive mental attitude that refuses to buckle under obstacles via discouragement. A person with such unshakable determination does seem to soar above all in his way in order to reach his goals. We have many examples of it in all areas of life both the academic and the athletic. Physical and mental handicaps being overcome via iron dedication and unstoppable will that elevates the one possessing it to great heights of accomplishment.
http://library.acropolis.org/the-symbolism-of-wings/
Two types of wings, angels and eagles, convey a difference in purpose. Not all aspirations are noble as history clearly testifies. An eagle is a predatory animal while an angel is assumed to be a benevolent being dedicated to helping people. So the goals of the persons having these wings can justifiably be assumed to be different whether they are fake wings, imagined wings or real ones. Genghis Khan had high aspirations and a determination that overcame many obstacles. His wings wee definitely not angelic. In contrast the Apostle Paul can be considered to have had the symbolical angel wings that the poem mentions.
The other wings mentioned are those of the imagination.
Very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Suggestions
other eagles [ others eagle’s or eagles’ ]
....and can become a pilot [to become]
better, better, [Repeated too close together.]
....reach our hopes and dreams and become them [redundant]
Thanks for the review! With the eagle wings I was headed for more of very strong powerful wings. I will fix those issues.
Welcomed! But please note, that I like the inclusion of Eagle wings as contrasted to angelic. So it wasn't meant as a criticism. Just want to make sure I wasn't misunderstood.
Oh okay. Understood c: