Young Writers Society

Hey there! I'm here to review your work.

I know this is an older poem of yours, but I really did enjoy it. I can see the beginnings of your current poetry style in it - especially with the imagery you used in the middle two stanzas. As you can tell from my previous reviews, I really love your use of it. It adds a lot to the point that you're trying to make, and also is aesthetically pleasing to read.

I agree with @BlueAfrica's comment on the lack of imagery in the first stanza. I think it's a great start on its own, but it pales in comparison to the two stanzas that follow. If you ever do revise this, I would suggest replicating the kind of imagery you use there.

Speaking of that imagery, I really loved the way you described the different wings. I was expecting the "natural" kind of wings - angel and eagle wings - but I was unprepared for the other kinds you whipped out. It did a great job at showcasing the creativity you mention having in the next stanza.

Great job on this poem, and I can't wait to read more from you!

Hi there!

So first of all, these two stanzas are my favorites.

some have angel wings

other eagle's

some made out of old sheets

others of treasures in the garage

and still some just flap their arms with a little bit of paper

~

i have wings like all the rest

right now they're made of cardboard

but all it takes is a little imagination

to become a pilot

of my very own airplane

wings are something we all need

so we can soar above the clouds

reach our hopes and dreams

and become them

and win the motivation to find some more

Hello, Cat!! Liz is here!!!

First off: Let me state what I liked about this:

What I like was how you did your spacing in between them, and that the stanza's change after every space.
And your title was super appropriate.

Secondly, Let me give you a tinie pointer:

Capitalize your title. "Wings" makes it important, and draws more attention.

Your capitalization might need just a tiny bit of work. At the beginning of every Stanza, you might need to capitalize there.

And capitalize 'Angel Wings' Because that is pretty important in your poem.

Lastly, My overall thoughts:

I loved this, Cat!! This was so sweet. It was very inspirational. It makes me want to go write something. And i loved the point of it!!!

Nice job!!!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:



Thanks for sharing this poem about goals and reaching them with the help of wings and how imagined wings can provide us with that sensation.


What the wings actually are is left for the reader to figure out which lends the poem a certain mystery. In this case, it seems to me that they are used to represent something that helps people to reach goals.

This creates the possibility that they represent a positive mental attitude that refuses to buckle under obstacles via discouragement. A person with such unshakable determination does seem to soar above all in his way in order to reach his goals. We have many examples of it in all areas of life both the academic and the athletic. Physical and mental handicaps being overcome via iron dedication and unstoppable will that elevates the one possessing it to great heights of accomplishment.

http://library.acropolis.org/the-symbolism-of-wings/

Two types of wings, angels and eagles, convey a difference in purpose. Not all aspirations are noble as history clearly testifies. An eagle is a predatory animal while an angel is assumed to be a benevolent being dedicated to helping people. So the goals of the persons having these wings can justifiably be assumed to be different whether they are fake wings, imagined wings or real ones. Genghis Khan had high aspirations and a determination that overcame many obstacles. His wings wee definitely not angelic. In contrast the Apostle Paul can be considered to have had the symbolical angel wings that the poem mentions.

The other wings mentioned are those of the imagination.

Very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.


Suggestions


other eagles [ others eagle’s or eagles’ ]

....and can become a pilot [to become]

better, better, [Repeated too close together.]

....reach our hopes and dreams and become them [redundant]