Ghostly Plane
There is a place suspended in a space
(or rather lack of space)
within this place.
It is a nothing (it has no mass)
but extends further than the universe.
Only there may a person go
and yet leave no absence behind.
I speak in riddles
for only in this tongue may comprehension dawn
and grow and bloom until it spawns
the answer (you don't know?)
Within this sphere (or could it be a cube?
Quite possibly and probably,
afterall our minds, they move in squares
and here we have a third dimension,
going unawares, but for myself.)
So, within this sphere (which I've asserted
is a cube)
there are no limits - no prevention - and its perverted
by our minds, which have affect (but no control)
and perhaps it is a minor defect
of the whole.
But the whole of - what -
could you be thinking;
all those cogs are turning
(squares and circles) in your mind.
It is the realm of course,
it is the place where we all fall,
where we unwind.
_______________________________________________
A critique to the first person who can tell me what it is...
And all advice is much appreciated. I'm thinking currently that the beginning needs re-drafting a little? But I'm open to the opinions of others =)
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Dreams or sleep would be correct =)
This made my head spin, Kit! Em, is it dreams? I can't really see anything that needs changing (possibly because my mind is boggeling!), except for;
"for only", as I don't think you need these words, and they make the line too long.
The speaker's voice is effective. I really like "There is a place suspended in a space"
and it winds down nicely at the end, but, oh, Kit I'm so confused!
Jas
Well, it sounds to me like the imagination, but that's just me.
"It is a nothing (it has no mass)
but extends further than the universe.
Only there may a person go
and yet leave no absence behind."
and
"It is the realm of course,
it is the place where we all fall,
where we unwind."
They seem to describe the imagination in ways I would.
I thought it was very well done. I thought at first the things in parenthesis stuck up the flow a bit, but once i got going i came to enjoy them. I also enjoyed the whole sphere/cube thing.
"for only in this tongue may comprehension dawn
and grow and bloom until it spawns
the answer"
Very clever! I love the wording!
All in all, I liked it a lot! Great job!
--Anna