Hi Rain! Here to review as requested, sorry for the delay.
Right, I'm going to get straight onto the things I liked about this poem. I quite liked the simplicity of it- that mainly coming from the length and the structure. Usually I think four lines in a stanza is a bit boring, but I think here it was super effective and really works with this poem. I especially likes the last line, it really stands out- not just because it's on it's own- but it just looks really cool!
Now, I have a couple of things I'd like to pick up on as improvements. Firstly, I wasn't too fond of the language use. This may be partially due to the fact that my vocabulary is absolutely shocking and I had to look up some of these words (whoops), but I think it was all just a bit too much! I think it's fab that you've got this really good vocabulary, but it almost seems you've just used a thesaurus loads. Not saying you did, but to me this is what it seems.
Instead, I'd like to see some more descriptions as some of the other reviewers have mentioned. Imagery is key for this kind of poetry- and I think it would really suit your poem. You do have some already, which is great- but I think right now it's half there but not fully there. As in, I can see some stuff, but not quite everything- so going into a bit more detail would be great!
Overall, this was pretty good . In all honesty, it was quite hard to say what could be better, but the thing's I mentioned were the things that I noticed- it'll be different for everyone. Your message was really cool, but I'd like to see some more imagery. I hope this review helped, PM me with questions or if you'd like another review.
Keep writing!
-Arc x
Points: 27927
Reviews: 532
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