If You Could See the World...

I agree with Rosie to a point. You should check for misspellings and take the time to review over your piece before submitting it. However, I have seen a few professional poems where the words have been deliberately misspelled. I do not believe that was the case with this poem though, and that is where I have to agree with Rosie about the spelling errors, as I said.

As for the punctuation error(s), it happens. I tend to leave quite a bit of punctuation out of my poems, but it is on purpose and not just because I did not review and make sure everything was perfect. I wouldn't sweat it too much, unless you weren't exactly aiming for that.

Now, as for your poem, I find it merry and uplifting. It has a kind of free airiness about it. When I first read it, what popped into my mind was a picture of a child running around in a meadow and laughing cheerfully at absolutely nothing. That probably doesn't have much to do with the poem at all ( ), but that's just what I feel. I'm sure others who have read it felt/imagined something different. To each their own, eh?

Anyhoo, I enjoyed reading it.
It was an inspiring piece.

- Jenna

Hello there, Rainn! My name's Rosie, and I'm here to review this piece.

This is a very cute poem. It's not exactly my taste, considering that I usally favor poems that have slightly darker tones or that are a little more abstract, but that's just a matter of personal preference. Overall, you've done a good job getting your feelings out, and the poem came off feeling cheerful, perky, and hopeful. Nice job.

I do have a few little criticisms, the first being this:

"If you could see the world
all shining and anew,
you would laugh with wonder,
and wouldn't know what to do."

First off, you misspelled the word 'shining'. I also detected a few other spelling areas throughout the poem; if I were you, I would take a few minutes and make sure each word of this piece is spelled correctly. Second, at the end of the second line, the word 'anew' doesn't need a dash in the middle. Third, you misused a period at the end of the second line; it should've been a comma. Last, you used the word 'won't' in the last line instead of the word 'wouldn't'. The latter is the correct verb tense considering the context of the rest of the stanza.

Remember, there are innumerable things for you to write about. While this poem is a nice piece of work, I've read quite a few similiar pieces in the past. As a writer, your job is to approach common concepts and ideas and make them unique and memorable. You have to bring your own views to the table, ideas that are different than anyone else's, and incorporate them into your work. By doing this, you will be leaving your mark on everything you write. Doing so will make your work memorable. Avoid cliches and overused metaphors; using them will only make your work seem stale as opposed to fresh.

I apologize if this was slightly harsh, but it's essential that I'm truthful with you. If you disagree with my suggestions, feel free to disregard them. Your opinion is paramount.

All in all, nice work!

Always keep writing.

-Rosie