I am a Candle in a Casket,
concealed so as not to be doused.
Afraid of Derisive Wind,
of Arrogant Storm.
"Afraid of being Unworthy."
I am the Candle in the Casket,
so wanting to venture into
the World of my Dream.
But I am Afraid.
Afraid of Loss,
of Pressure.
"Afraid of being a Failure."
I wish not to be a Candle in a Casket.
And so I pray,
"Make me Couragous."
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Canary word: Present
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I enjoyed reading this poem and the imagery it evoked. A candle in a casket is burning on borrowed time, is it not? There really is no rhyme or rhythm to critique in this poem, and to me it shines through on the strength of its voice, the quiet assertion of 'I am'.
But I do agree that as powerful as those three quoted words are, they could be structured even more effectively.
Thank you
Hey there, Knight Cailey here to review this lovely poem.
I really like how your title goes into the poem and how the three parts of your poem are also the beginnings of your stanzas. That was a neat way to tie the poem together and make it seem very complete.
The rhythm is a little bit hard to say though, and doesn't flow as easily as I would like. Like that main line "candle in a casket" is kind of hard to say. I love the line, and the alliteration of candle and casket, but it's hard to say. So if you have a reason for the line to be hard to say, that's a good thing, but otherwise you might want to work on making it flow more easily.
Also, you have "Afraid of being Unworthy" "Afraid of Failure" and "Give me Courage." I think you could add parallelism here and make it even better. That means making them have the same sentence structure.
For example:
I ran to the car.
I jumped to the moon.
I sang to the sky.
Okay, those were awful sentences, but you see how they have the same structure?
So if you want to say "Afraid of being Unworthy"
Then the second line should be "Afraid of being a Failure."
so that the structure is the same, and then try to find a way to add the last line into that structure as well. "Ready to be Courageous" or "Afraid of not being Courageous" or something like that so that it fits with the parallelism and repetition.
I like the way you have some words capitalized and others normal. I'm guessing each word you want to emphasize on purpose, and using capital letters was a really good way to do that while adding to the poem.
Overall, nice job!
Let me know if you have any questions or comments!
Such a beautiful poem you have written here.
I found a sense of innocent and almost childlike quality in these lines. I don't know if you were going for that but it really adds to the poem so well done.
The lines you put in quotation marks were also very powerful and by themselves are nicely written.
All in all a very sweet and emotional poem which I found very relatable. Amazing job.
Hey there Rainn!
I thought your poem was excellent! Nice flow, no spelling or grammatical errors.
I like how you said the candle was afraid to be extinguished, and how the candle doesn't want to be afraid.
Overall, I give it four and a half stars!
~Swiftfur