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16+ Violence

Williwaw Chapter 28

by Messenger


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

No matter how many times Carris shifted or tried to adjust her weight the buckboard seat remained stiff and uncomfortable. Alec had asked her if she needed to stretch her legs an hour before, and she had stubbornly refused for the sake of time, but in fairness, it had more been because she didn't want to give in to one of his suggestions. For not the first time in her life, she was regretting her strong will.

Sometimes I wonder if it does more harm than good.

She shifted back to her left haunch for the umpteenth time, but within a minute it was just as bad as it had been on the right. In an attempt to distract herself and pass the time she spoke, breaking the rhythmic clop of Smokey's smooth gait as the only sound on the road.

"How much longer?"

Alec cleared his throat and looked up at where the sun was hiding behind curtains of gray clouds. "Least two hours. Know for certain when we hit the trailhead that splits north and east. Haven't been this way in many years."

"Did you go to Atheron often when you were young?"

"Not for a long time. Until I couldn't get what I needed in Riverdale."

Carris pursed her lips. "What you needed?"

Alec nodded but said nothing.

"For Marly?"

Alec nodded again. He sighed and kept his gaze forward. "Needed supplies. Herbs, elements, vials, and the like."

"Did it work? Did you get what you needed?"

"Eventually. took a long time. Lots of failures. Medicine isn't easy or exact, especially when you don't know what you're trying to fix."

"But you did fix it."

Alec's brow furrowed. "I did. But it was too late for them to see."

"Not too late for Marly though."

Alec chuckled. For the first time, he looked at Carris. "No. And I'd do it all again."

Carris smiled. She thought of Gwyn. They would do the same thing for each other as well. Maybe Alec deserved to be heard out, and maybe they were more alike than Carris wanted to admit.

"What happened with Marly and Mable?"

"You already know. Laura told me. Seems you made up your mind already as well. There's naught sense in speaking of it more if you're just here to badger an old man."

Carris felt heat beginning to rise on her neck. Here she was, trying to listen, and he was throwing it in her face. She was about to say something harsh but stopped herself. She took a narrow breath and tried to steady her voice.

"I want to hear your side of it." She paused. "I can react quickly and judge quicker. Maybe I judged you when I should have listened."

This caused Alec to raise his eyebrow. Carris braced for some backhanded compliment about how she could be nice when she wanted, but instead, he simply talked.

"From the time Marly was a small child she had many problems. She was sick just about every month. Mable did what she could. We spoke to the physician in Riverdale and saw so-called experts in the capitol. Most people just said to 'expect the worst' and enjoy the time we had. That's the sort of talk that doesn't sit right with me. So I started to try things. I have a tendency to invent and experiment, but to do it on me own daughter...well, if she was going to die either way I had to try. Mable didn't approve. She thought we should cherish the time left with our dear child. We fought. Townsfolk loved Mable.

She never intended it to happen, but people made me out to be a lunatic, experimenting with unproven herbology on his own kin. Demanded I leave. Mable convinced them that I could stay, but for the peace of the community, she would take Marly and move across town. By the time I found a cure the only way to give it to Marly was in secret. Years had passed by the time I gave it to her and although she's now a beautiful young woman, the consequences have still made our family a bit of a scattered mess."

Carris sat in silence for a minute. Alec's breathing was heavy now, not just from so much talking, but from the weight of the topic. He cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

He spoke again. "Like I said. I would do it all again. People in the town will never fully forgive me for what I did. Maybe they shouldn't."

Carris shifted her weight. "You did what was necessary to save your daughter."

"And it seems you're willing to do the same for your friend. But tell me. You know my life, laid out plainly now. Is it too much to ask the same of you?"

"It all sounds crazy."

Alec grinned a toothy grin. "Seems that's how you see me anyway,"

Carris snorted. "You believe in the supernatural?"

"I'm not sure. It would have been much easier for the healing of my child if I had supernatural help. I often wondered if there was a way to connect with a world beyond ours for help."

"Well, I don't. At least I didn't. I don't know how else to say this other than to just say it; I'm trying to get my friend, Gwyn, out of town, before a madman with a sword with what I can only describe as supernatural abilities, arrives."

"Is that all?"

Carris rolled her eyes.

"I only jest. But in truthfulness, tell me of this sword."

Carris spread her arms out. "I don't know how to begin, It seems to control the air itself. Alec. This man wielding it split the Gnofen River open like a gutting a fish. He made me walk on dry land. In the middle of the riverbed! He knocked half a dozen guards over without touching them. H-" her voice stilted as she remembered the vision of her mother somersaulting through the air. Hitting the creek bed.

"He did this with a sword, you say?"

"As far as I could tell. I've never seen anything like it in my life."

"I can understand why you want to get your friend out of harm's way. What did this fella with the sword want?"

"I'm not sure. But it definitely has to do with the war. Devlin seemed to think he was heading for Atheron. I was supposed to go ahead, warn the magistrate to be on the lookout. I never made it. And if Gwyn did, then she could be in a lot of danger. A man who can split a river isn't going to be stopped by a few soldiers."

"No, I would imagine not. We haven't a second to lose. Why didn't you speak of this from the time you awoke."

Carris gave a helpless gesture with her shoulders. "I don't know. I just wanted to be on my way."

"Not the trusting type, eh?"

"There hasn't been much in my life that has been trustworthy."

"I suppose that includes me as well. But trust me when I say that we'll go straight to the magistrate and get your friend out of Atheron. After all, what would the three of us do to stop this man and his sword?"

"Not much. And I don't care to. I just want to get Gwyn out and safe. She's been through enough."

"You mentioned a Devlin as well. He a guardian?"

"He's a soldier. From Hoden's Pass. He was going to take Gwyn and Malcolm with him and travel at a slower pace."

"Well then, we're getting Malcolm out as well, are we not."

Carris stayed silent.

"Ah. Tension between the two of you. enough to risk his life?"

"His life is his own. It separated from mine years ago." Carris folded her arms.

"To each their own. Just Gwyn then."

"You don't have to help me with this. Once we're to Atheron I'll be out of your life. I'm sure you won't mind."

Alec laughed. "It certainly hasn't been this alive in years. But I can't in good conscience let two young girls run around in a conquered city with a warbringer on the way."

"It's fine. we'll be alright."

"Do you have money?"

"No."

"A map? A place to go?"

Carris gritted her teeth. "No, and no. Bu-"

Alec cut her off with a wave of his hand. "I'll not let you simply wander off."

"Why do you care? You don't even like me."

Alec shook his head. "There's much more to people than like and dislike. There's humanity. There's decency and courtesy. You've come into my life and I will not simply abandon you at the first sign of trouble. I'd be no better than those in my own town who did the same to me."

"And what, you'd take us back there?"

"I can't rightly force you to come with me, but you could come back. At least get a few days rest, some supplies, and a heading. You can't expect to survive long, just the two of you, out on your own with no provisions. "

He's right.

"Fine. We'll see what happens if we can find Gwyn."

"We might be stuck in Atheron for a day or so anyway."

"Why's that?"

Alec jammed a thumb to his left and up, over the tree line towards the peaks of the Agressi Mountains. They were being enveloped in a dark hazy mass of cloud and snow. "Storm's coming. Could be big. Be hard to travel in those conditions." He gave a light flick of the reins and Smokey broke into a trot.

They would certainly be on the uncomfortable buckboard for a shorter time, but trading that in for a snowstorm and the potential of running into Eridan wasn't Carris's idea of a fair trade. Then again, nothing had felt like a fair trade in a long time.


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Sat Oct 28, 2023 7:48 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Back again - only six more chapters to go! Can I do them all today? Probably not xD but we can hope.

The balance of Carris' inner thoughts compared to the amount of speech is definitely much stronger here. I no longer feel like the conversation is super transactional and it also feels like we're building both characterisation and character relationships rather than just filling time before getting back to a Devlin chapter - the difference is very clear!

"Not for a long time. Until I couldn't get what I needed in Riverdale."

This will never not make me think of the tv show so it did make me laugh!

"You already know. Laura told me. Seems you made up your mind already as well. There's naught sense in speaking of it more if you're just here to badger an old man."

I really like when you lean in to Alec speaking this way. It makes his character feel more unique and I can recognise when he's speaking even without dialogue tags.

I like how this chapter's really built the trust between the two characters too. Carris is becoming more self aware and actually apologising for her faults rather than being too stubborn to see them. The progression feels really natural and it was one of the most enjoyable Carris chapters to read for a while!

Also love how you ended with mention of the storm as it tied together the timelines for me in a nice neat way!

See you for the next chapter :)

Icy




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Sun Sep 03, 2023 4:10 am
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Haha she's making progress!

What a pleasant chapter. The dialogue between Alec and Carris strikes a really lovely place where they connect as people, and Carris learns something without being preached at like she was with Laura. The on thing I think could be improved is that in some of the longer sections, I'd like to see some of it broken up, with some interspersed actions, sentences that summarize if there is information we already know, and Carris's reactions.

Next thing:

I've been stewing on this all day, because there has been something that struck me as odd/not quite there in some of your setting descriptions through the whole story so far, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But this sentence really clarified my understanding of your... process? I guess? For writing about places.

Alec cleared his throat and looked up at where the sun was hiding behind curtains of gray clouds.

There is a piece of visual art advise out there that applies primarily to still life/landscapes/realism: Draw things as they appear, not as they are, and definitely not as you know them to be. I think this can be applied to imagery and descriptive writing as well.

This sentence originally stuck out to me because it just... doesn't roll off the tongue very well. That "where the sun was" part just felt like it created too many words that did nothing, and I started thinking about ways to rearrange the words, but eventually I realized something: if the sun is behind the clouds, you don't actually see it. You see the dispersed glow of the sun. If the clouds are heavy enough, you barely even see that glow at all. When Alec turns his head, he looks to the glow of the sun, hiding behind the grey curtain of the clouds.

I think this same vein of thought can be applied to like, the description of Atheron as well. It was an adequate description, but a little technical I think for a work of fantasy literature.

I do think this is maybe a tool you use judiciously. But you know, if you get to line edits and you see a sentence that feels too wordy, or want to pack just a little more character in, this approach might help clean things up.

Hope this helps,
-Vento




Messenger says...


Good advice that I'll try to keep in mind. The same technical side that I know helps me stay more focused is also the side that can bite me in situations like that haha I will say, I actually was complimented several times about Atheron's description, so I'm a bit torn on that part, but I do understand as people get inside it that the mood could be set with more gravitas




You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling