z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


16+

Williwaw Chapter 19

by Messenger


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Miles nudged Devlin as they scavenged for firewood in the fading light. Devlin grunted acknowledgment as he reached down for a pile of twigs.

Miles pointed toward Gwyn who had sunk up against a pine with both arms crossed and eyes downcast. Realizing that Devlin wasn’t paying any attention to him, Miles cleared his throat. Devlin looked up.

“What?”

Miles pointed again. “What’s wrong with her? She’s barely said a word since we left the Inn.”

Devlin grabbed more twigs and began to walk toward Gwyn and Malcolm’s spot. There was a slight rise in the ground that blocked most of the ground.

“Her family was killed. She hasn’t said much of anything since Carris left. They must be close friends.”

Miles nodded slowly. They dropped the twigs in a pile and began to clear away a spot for a fire. Devlin scrunched up some of the dried twigs and a few leaves that he had found sticking out of the snow.

“Light,” he said.

Miles handed him the flint and stone without breaking gaze off of Gwyn who only a few feet away was completely oblivious to Miles. He leaned in as the fire crackled to life at Devlin’s third attempt. “Do you know how they died?”

Devlin shrugged as he babied the fire with small puffs that fanned the budding flames. “Something about the dragon. She was hysterical though. Why the interest?”

Miles put a hand in the air. “She must be struggling. I just feel bad for her. It’s got to be a lot to deal with at her age.”

Devlin bit his lip. “I’m not exactly an orator with my words. Why don’t you have a go if you’re so interested?”

“Maybe I will.”

Miles covered the distance between him and Gwyn. He leaned against the rise where the tree curled out, leaving a foot or so between Gwyn so as to not come off as intrusive. He rubbed his hands together.

“I never caught your name,” he said. There was no response from Gwyn. “Mine’s Miles. I’m a musician. Do you like music?”

Still nothing.

Miles furrowed his brow. “You know, my mother loved music. She could never get enough of it. She often sang throughout the day, old ballads and poems that she heard.” His voice softened as he looked into the dying sun. “She had a beautiful voice. Like a soft breeze over a field of flowers hums in the summertime and you feel a warm fire in your heart. She used to sing me to sleep as a child.”

Miles cleared his throat as he realized the knot tightening in his chest. There was a rustle and he looked down to see Gwyn staring up at him. Her eyes were dark with just a hint of a reflection of light. There were dark rings around her eyes which were themselves a pinkish red.

“Did you lose your mother?” she asked quietly.

Miles nodded. “She was killed in a Sadorian raid. I was fourteen. It was seven years ago this past week.”

Gwyn blinked, and Miles looked away. Those eyes were all too familiar. There was an innocence to them, and a look of confusion and pain.

There were several moments of quiet, save for Devlin’s scraping and clanging as he got a pot and pan ready for dinner. Miles snapped his fingers which caused Gwyn to jump.

“Sorry about that,” Miles offered with a slight grin. “You know, we’re going to need some water for tea. Would you like to help me get it? The creek is just through those trees past Devlin.”

Gwyn nodded, rising slowly without unfolding her arms. She shifted on her feet. Miles stepped ahead and snatched up the pot. “Grabbing some water,” he said to Devlin. I’m taking-” he hesitated as he gestured to Gwyn.

“Gwyn,” she whispered.

Miles just caught it and grinned. “Gwyn. She’s coming with me.” Gwyn skirted the fire that grew as Devlin fed it larger sticks.

Miles smiled as he led the way. “I quite like that name.”

He couldn’t be sure but he thought he saw Gwyn’s lips tug upwards. At the least, he had gotten her name. That was a good start.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Devlin blew into his hands and then stuck them towards the fire. It was finally large enough to produce flames that lapped at his face as he stood. It was a large fire for sure, but he was also sure that no one was nearby, leastwise not Eridan. Besides, was freezing to death any better than being impaled by a sword? He eyed Malcolm who was on his knees across the fire, hands also out toward the flames as he thawed out from the icy trip that day.

“So you want revenge?” Devlin said in a matter-of-fact tone as he rummaged in his satchel for the bread and eggs that had been gently wrapped in hay and swaddled in linen for safekeeping.

“Yeah,” Malcolm snapped.

Devlin shook his head and laughed. “Easy there. It’s not a bad thing. You were wronged. You want to get justice for that wrong. It’s a natural response. And a powerful one at that.”

Malcolm shrugged. “What’s your point?”

“Do you think Carris made it to Atheron?”

Malcolm scoffed. “No.”

“Neither do I.”

Malcolm raised his eyebrows. “Then why did you send her?”

“It was worth a shot. Eridan needs to be stopped, by any means necessary.”

“You mean at any cost,” Malcolm interjected.

Devlin shrugged. “In the army, you learn that the mission is the highest priority, not the means by which the mission is accomplished. Winner takes all. It isn’t about right or wrong, it’s about survival and taking what you want. If that means losing soldiers in the process, so be it.”

“So that’s what Carris is to you? Just a means to an end? And what of the rest of us?”

“I was willing to make the run to Atheron. And don’t forget, you pushed her to do it as well. I said that the army teaches you it’s the end that matters, not that it’s my personal conviction.”

Devlin ladled the eggs out onto a plate and offered them to Malcolm. “I wouldn’t be taking you and Gwyn with me if all I cared about was stopping Eridan.”

Malcolm took the plate and let the steam swirl in his face. Finding warmth wherever possible was a habit one acquired when living on a mountain.

Devlin sank to his haunches. “You don’t seem to care for Carris anyway. What’s the story there?”

Malcolm looked at his boots. “Nothing.”

Devlin rolled his eyes. “You know one thing the army teaches that I do agree with wholeheartedly is trust. You want revenge. If you plan to stick with me, that means I need to know I can trust and rely on you. That means communication and understanding.”

Malcolm took a few bites of the eggs, chewing them round and round. Finally, he swallowed. “Fine,” he said, placing the plate on the snowy ground. “She betrayed me. We were friends. She ruined my family.”

Devlin put his hands together over his lips. “How?”

Malcolm cleared his throat and looked off into the darkened forest. “Why does this matter? What does my personal life have to do with trust?”

“Because everything we live through, everything we suffer through and rejoice through, molds us as a person. I need to know that you won’t turn on me because of a perceived wrong I commit. We don’t know what stopping Eridan will take, but it might involve sacrifices you won’t like one bit. I need to know that you can separate what is necessary from what is comfortable.”

Malcolm sighed. “Fine. We were best friends. Her mom is a whore at the local inn. Carris said she found her and my dad together. My mom left. Dad struggled. Everyone felt sorry for Carris. She’s got no dad, so it was ‘so terrible’ to see her mother not taking ‘proper care’ of her.”

Malcolm cleared his throat and pushed himself up to his feet. He wiped his nose and ran his hands through his hair. “Happy? There it is. Best day of my life. Betrayed by my friend, estranged from my town and mum. And who got blamed? My dad. Screwy, that’s what it is,” he said. His eyes glimmered with tears in the firelight. He huffed and balled them with his fists.

Devlin inhaled. “That’s rough.” He paused, totally unsure of what to say. Miles would have been up in a second, consoling him with some flowery sentence that was sappy and yet too heartfelt to be fake at the same time.

“I know what it’s like to be betrayed. I know what it’s like to want revenge. We’ll both get it. I promise you that.”

“We?” Malcolm said, turning back to face Devlin, his eyebrows raised again.

“We trust each other. We’re a unit.”

“Why do you care to help me?”

Devlin let a crooked smile escape. “For one thing, the more numbers on your side the better, and for a second, if we don’t work together you’ll die trying to stop Eridan alone. I was raised and told over and over that I would be special, that I could protect and restore my country to what it used to be. For the first time in a long time, it feels like that might actually be the case.” Devlin stood and looked in the direction of Atheron. “Malcolm, I can promise you that we will find Eridan, and I can promise you that we will get revenge.”


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1589 Reviews

Points: 173529
Reviews: 1589

Donate
Sat Oct 21, 2023 9:35 pm
View Likes
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Ok, I'm officially confused. I had to go back and make sure I didn't miss a chapter but I'm pretty sure I didn't. The last time we left Devlin and the gang they were checking into a hotel for a night, and Devlin had just stumbled upon Miles who was about to sing to the patrons. Now they're in a forest?

I can't help but feel that we've missed the part where Gwyn and Malcolm are introduced to Miles, and where he decides to join them? It doesn't necessarily need to be a big section, but it feels needed to keep the flow of Devlin's chapters.

Anyway, let's get into the specifics.

“Her family was killed. She hasn’t said much of anything since Carris left. They must be close friends.”

I don't really see that this connects well. Her family being killed and her not speaking since Carris left seem like two separate points to me.

Did you lose your mother?” she asked quietly.

Miles nodded. “She was killed in a Sadorian raid. I was fourteen. It was seven years ago this past week.”

Gwyn blinked, and Miles looked away. Those eyes were all too familiar. There was an innocence to them, and a look of confusion and pain

This seems like it might be a sweet friendship in the making - remind me how old Gwyn is?

Malcolm raised his eyebrows. “Then why did you send her?”

“It was worth a shot. Eridan needs to be stopped, by any means necessary.”

“You mean at any cost,” Malcolm interjected.

I like that Malcolm's calling Devlin out on this, even if it's for the wrong reasons.

Malcolm cleared his throat and pushed himself up to his feet. He wiped his nose and ran his hands through his hair. “Happy? There it is. Best day of my life. Betrayed by my friend, estranged from my town and mum. And who got blamed? My dad. Screwy, that’s what it is,” he said. His eyes glimmered with tears in the firelight. He huffed and balled them with his fists.

Interesting that Malcolm blames Carris, not his father!

I'm definitely liking Devlin less and less as time goes on. I hope he's going to have a good redemption arc coming up in the novel or perhaps meet an untimely end.

Hope this was helpful!

Icy




Messenger says...


Yes apparently this chapter was jarring to everyone lol and gwyn is 14ish



Messenger says...


Yes apparently this chapter was jarring to everyone lol and gwyn is 14ish



Messenger says...


Yes apparently this chapter was jarring to everyone lol and gwyn is 14ish



User avatar
278 Reviews

Points: 18564
Reviews: 278

Donate
Mon May 31, 2021 5:10 pm
View Likes
LittleLee wrote a review...



Duuuuude.

Well done. I actually don't hate Malcolm anymore. He's far from my favourite character, but it's not as easy to dislike him strongly anymore. A lotta writers have comically bad bully-characters or villains, but you've made your audience sympathize with both the primary antagonist and the "bad" side character. That's great. My hat's off to you.
I still don't commend Malcolm on what a colossal jerk he was/is, though.

Is Miles a POV character, too? I don't mind if he is, but perhaps at the beginning of each chapter you could specify whose POVs will be present.

The scene with Miles and Gwyn was really touching and sweet. it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, so bonus points to you! We also got to know a little bit more about Miles and the kind of person he is. I like him. He seems like a good guy. Don't kill him later

“Do you think Carris made it to Atheron?”

Malcolm scoffed. “No.”

“Neither do I.”

What? Just... WHAT??!!? He sent her! He told her to go ahead and risk her life! He manipulated her feelings to make her run after someone very dangerous! He used her! And now he's saying he never even expected her to make it?
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS???
That's it. I am officially adopting Carris and DISOWNING Devlin. I don't know if you meant for this to happen, but Devlin is becoming an incredibly unlikeable character. it isn't out of place, but he's also far from my favourite at this point. He happily flits between being compassionate and a cold-hearted nincompoop. Every time he tries being nice to someone, it's more to manipulate them than actually reach out. >:(

Ah, excuse me for a moment. I became emotional. I will die for Carris and Gwyn but not Devlin

Now, this chapter alone is excellent. Precise writing, good pacing, magnificent character development. The plot is also progressing at a comfortable, solid pace.
However, when you try to fit it in with the previous chapters, it feels like a huge timeskip. Where are they? Why aren't they at the inn? How did they manage to get food? What is this forest they're camping next to? How do Devlin and Miles know each other? Why does a nice guy like Miles even get along with Devlin
I wish these questions had been answered. That would have made the transition a whole lot smoother.

Well, I'm completely invested in your story now. If I'm being honest, it's more to see where the characters will go and how they grow than for the plot. Even so, I'm totally hooked. Keep writing, dude, wherever you are. I hope this story hasn't been shelved.

~ Lee




User avatar
450 Reviews

Points: 10592
Reviews: 450

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 6:04 am
View Likes
Wolfi wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!



Hey Mess! Fun fact: almost exactly six years ago, I wrote my very first YWS review, and it was for Castor's Tale. I still have fond memories of that book!

As you could guess, I'm jumping into this chapter with no previous knowledge of the other parts, although I did just go to your portfolio and scan the Williwaw chapter blurbs haha. Wait a second... Miles? Wasn't there a Miles in Castor's Tale too? Ooooh, is this a revamped version or something? Or just a recycled name? Or an epic crossover?

There were several moments of quiet, save for Devlin’s scraping and clanging as he got a pot and pan ready for dinner. Miles snapped his fingers which caused Gwyn to jump.

Why'd he do that? Two people are holding a meaningful moment of silence after talking/thinking about lost parents, looking deeply into each other's eyes and everything, and then... *snap!* Poor Gwyn, I don't blame her for jumping haha.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For me, this indicates that significantish time has passed between scenes, but because Gwyn and Miles never return in the second half and they're only fetching water, I'm guessing not much time passed after all. Rather than this line break, what if there was something more like: "Meanwhile, over at the fire..."

“So that’s what Carris is to you? Just a means to an end? And what of the rest of us?”

I'd like to know what Devlin's facial expression is after he's been asked these questions.

Carris said she found her and my dad together.

I would clarify who Carris told, because at first I thought it was just Malcolm.

I'm curious why Malcolm's mom left without her son and just left him with the promiscuous father. It seems like Malcolm really likes his dad, based on the fact that he's upset that he got blamed, so maybe that's it. Either way, I'd like to know a little bit more about the dynamic between he and his parents, if he's willing to open up that much more to Devlin.

“I know what it’s like to be betrayed..."

This dialogue from Devlin should probably be lumped with the previous paragraph.

Lots of good dialogue in here and a solid, diverse cast of characters! I'm sorry I can't be much more helpful! It was really enjoyable reading one of your chapters again. Keep up the good work, Mess!




User avatar
938 Reviews

Points: 3380
Reviews: 938

Donate
Wed Feb 12, 2020 4:38 am
View Likes
Shady wrote a review...



Mess!

Another! Chapter! I'm so here for it!

Miles handed him the flint and stone without breaking gaze off of Gwyn who only a few feet away was completely oblivious to Miles.


I think it'd be good if you added some punctuation into this sentence. I'm not even sure what I'd suggest, but it kind of feels rushed and jumbled how it's written now.

He leaned in as the fire crackled to life at Devlin’s third attempt. “Do you know how they died?”


If she's sitting as close as they keep acting, wouldn't she be sitting there listening to them? You would think that they'd be a bit more tactful about explicitly talking about her as if she wasn't there when she can clearly hear them.

~ ~

I like this chapter! I honestly just need to take the time to go back through and skim the characters because I've forgotten how Gwyn and Malcolm play a role in this story, or how they're connected... or... not? I suppose. So I'm having a hard time judging the character interactions in this chapter.

But I do like that Malcolm and Devlin are starting to form this alliance. It seems like the enemy they are up against is a force to be reckoned with, and I'm glad that while Carris is off being a stubborn hot-headed individualistic idiot the boys are being level-headed enough to recognize the fact that they're going to need friends if they want to make it through this.

I'm super happy to see that you've got Liberty on following this story! I am really looking forward to reading more of this, and she's awesome and will make an awesome co-reviewer to get more of these chapters quickly lol

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




Messenger says...


yaya thanks. I'll keep those sentences in mind. I guess iI meant to portray that Gwyn is kinda way out of it mentally




I am proud of my self, the reason why some of you might disagree with me a little with, but nevertheless I still proud.
— Oxara