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16+ Violence

Williwaw Chapter 26

by Messenger


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Alec was up before the dawn, but Carris was up sooner, barely sleeping. She debated just stealing a horse and riding off in the night, but Alec had said little else during dinner and then made a bed on the hut floor and was fast asleep. Carris was now pulling on the jacket she and Devlin had taken from the Sadorian soldier.

I wonder what ever happened to him.

Alec hauled a sack over his back as he exited the hut. "Come along, no time to waste," he said.

"He's not joking," Carris said, struggling to keep up with him as he rounded the outside of the hut past the outhouse. It was the first time Carris was seeing the quaint town in the glow of a pink bath of sunrise. Most of the homes were made of long timber and shingled roofs. A lean-to behind Alec's hut is where they now arrived. Carris heard the whinny of the horse before she saw it. Ash-grey with darker spots on its flanks.

Alec quickly bridled the horse. He led it to the buckboard on the other side of the lean-to. It was a small craft, just a bench wide with a flatbed a few feet deep. Alec handed the sack to Carris. "Secure that to the back."

Carris tied it to the flatbed as Alec harnessed the horse.

Carris didn't exactly want to talk to Alec, but she was also curious. Finally, her inquisitive nature got the better of her.

"what's its name?"

"Smokey."

Carris nodded, not sure what to say to such a sharp remark. Fitting name, if not a little on the nose. They both hauled themselves onto the buckboard with a grunt, one for age, one for injury. Although, if she were honest, Carris wasn't so different from Alec. Short to temper, a bit moody, and perhaps meaner than necessary. In her defense, Carris had never gotten a whole town turned against her. Just her best friend. She shook her head and looked ahead. A small gravel path led to the cobblestone river road. With a click of his tongue and a flick of the reins, Alec began the journey. Smokey responded with a shuffle and snort and then began to clop along.

There were just a few inches between Alec and Carris, so she tucked her arms in and leaned on the armrest to the outside. Alec seemed to pay no mind. His gaze was elsewhere. They turned onto the cobblestone path and were greeted with head-on rays of golden sunlight. It was still cold, but the light made everything seem just a bit more hopeful.

They rode in silence for an hour, although it felt like ten to Carris. It was Alec who first broke the silence.

"You ever been to Atheron?"

Carris, half dozing, rubbed her eyes and sat straighter.

"No. Never had a reason."

"But you do now?"

"You could say as much."

"Atheron isn't the target then is it? Just happens to be the destination for your friend."

"If you want to say it like that."

There was a moment of silence. Carris thought that the inquisition might be over.

"I'm no fool."

Carris scrunched her forehead. "Come again?"

"I know that there's something that's dangerous going on between you and your friend."

"And how do you know that? You seem very sure of yourself."

"Call it the benefit of living to my age. You've said more in what you haven't, than you have in what you've spoken about."

Carris' mouth hung slightly open. "That made no sense."

Alec laughed, the too-loud, make-you-grimace type of laugh that is only made worse by it being someone Carris didn't care for.

"People often let you know more about them by what they refuse to tell you. If your friend was in no danger, you would happily offer that information. But by your unwillingness to open up, I know that this quest of yours is far more serious than you've wanted to let on."

Carris said nothing. That didn't stop Alec from continuing the conversation.

"So you have a friend in danger. Is it a danger for the both of you or for me? Am I walking into a battlefield as it were?"

Carris huffed. "I don't know. I don't know what's going on. But I wouldn't tell you if I did."

"Yes, you do seem the closed-off type. I know the feeling. I've struggled with it since my family separated."

"I would rather not talk about either of our family's histories if it's all the same to you," Carris said.

Alec turned to her for the first time. He jabbed a gloved finger in her direction. "See, another clue you've let on."

"What now?" Carris gritted her teeth. Does he ever stop talking?

"You've got family problems. Ones that cut deep like a knife. But I'll tell you, in my life, I've learned that closing that part of your heart off does naught but hurt you in the end. You've said many mean things, treated Laura poorly, but I'd forgive you. On the condition that you open up and don't bury that hurt in your heart like I did for years."

"Why would I ever do that?"

Alec chuckled. He lowered his voice and leaned in. "because if you don't, you'll end up same as I. And here's another thing I've learned so far. You don't care much for me, so you better start correcting your course if you aim to avoid that destiny."

And to that, Carris had no response. 


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Sat Oct 28, 2023 7:25 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Ok it's review day so perhaps I can get through a couple of reviews today rather than just the one! However I have been driving for approximately five hours today and my brain is a little fried so we'll see how we go. Let's get into the review...

There's definitely still an imbalance in the amount happening/length of the chapters. Still not a problem, but just a possible reflection of the fact that it seems Carris' chapters are being fleshed out maybe more artificially than Devlin's? I get the same problem where when I'm writing two POVs I really have to work to make sure one isn't stronger than the other!

I'm surprised Carris hasn't seen the village before given it doesn't seem to be very far away. I don't get the vibe she'd be content not exploring her surroundings, so the fact that she's only seeing it now definitely surprised me.

"Smokey."

Carris nodded, not sure what to say to such a sharp remark.

This just felt like an answer, not a particularly sharp remark. It would be good to have a bit more perhaps of how Alec has said it, to make her thought justified (even if she's overthinking).

I have a similar comment to a lot of the speech in this chapter as I did about the conversation between Devlin and Malcolm. This feels more in depth I think but it still feels very transactional and almost a missed opportunity for us to get to know Carris a bit better. We're over twenty chapters in and I still feel like I don't know our main characters as well as I would like. It makes sense for her to not want to open up to Alec, but it would be good to see some of her thoughts, or even more in her actions here to help us connect to her better.

I'm glad she's finally leaving Alec's home though. This was an interesting interlude but it's kind of just felt like a delay for her arc, so I'm happy to see her on the move again. I'm not sure how long before she meets back up with everyone else, but I'm ready for more action for her!

Icy




Messenger says...


Idek what I wrote sharp remark o_O also if you could hold off til after review I'd appreciate it ya purple loving pumpkin traitor



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Sat Sep 30, 2023 2:25 am
EllieMae wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Hey There!!! Ellie Mae here for a review of Williwaw Chapter 26. I will be honest and say that I was a little nervous to read, since I have not read the previous twenty five chapters, but I love all stories and it's never too late to start an awesome story! I noticed there are a couple other chapters in the greenroom too, so I am hoping to read those as well. Lets get right into it!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)

First of all, the cover art in GORGEOUS!It caught my eye right away. I think it adds to the piece so much because it is instantly intriguing.
Anyway, here are my thoughts: this chapter follows your two characters Alec and Carris. Carris seems to have hidden motives behind what she is doing, tied to her friends safety. Alec tries to get Carris to share. It seems like this chapter is preparing us for more mystery.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)
I would love to know more about the backgrouynds of the characters (but im also the one who hasnt read the first 25 chapters lol). Its hard for me to critique since i know so little about what has happened previously, but based on THIS chapter all i can say is that I enjoyed it. The more detail you add always makes it better, but i think you did a really great job with the conversational aspect.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)
I love the unique and distinct characteristics of Alec and Carris. I think you have developed them really well. I loved reading this :D

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Thanks for posting this story! I cant wait to review even more of your chapters and see what happens next!

Sincerely,
Ellie Mae




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Fri Sep 01, 2023 5:30 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...



Looool Alec serving up some sick burns.

Does he have an accent? Occasionally you write him lines that have that sort of clipped English sound to them, like "same as I," "naught but hurt," etc. I think if you can improve the consistency of this language it'll make his voice more clear. For example, "you'd best" instead of "you'd better," dropping some phrases, and the like. I really like what you've started to do with him though! Keep it up.

Also, super nitpicky, but in this one line:

You've said more in what you haven't, than you have in what you've spoken about.

I think you can end with 'said.' Maybe you didn't to avoid repetition, but if you use said you'll get a nice chiasmus effect, and it sounds more like clever old man wisdom.

Moving to character arcs, I kind of wish some of Alec's wisdom about opening up would come later. We just had a scene between them with his first attempt at breaking down her walls, and I think Carris probably needs some stewing time before the next tidbit. That said, I'm sure she will have some fun backsliding and being Mad and stuff soon, so this could still play out very strong.

Ummm other things....

I can tell the verb choices are starting to get stronger. At this point I guess I would ask like, what kind of character do you want your narration to have? Do you want it to be reflective of the POV characters? Do you want it to be more matter-of-fact? There's definitely more emotion than in the earlier chapters, so now it's time to consider what will best serve the story--is it something more lyrical? Something austere? What will reinforce the themes and emotions central to the story?

A lot of times when I am working on something, I will read a work aloud, several times, in different ways. Every time, I discover ways in which the language influences the tone in which I'm reading, and it helps me to develop a voice that is complimentary to the story. I think this exercise might help you to both clean up some of the errors lying around, and to really find the voice(s) you want to bring.

Okie Dokie. Now for my promised physical Miles chapter. : D

-Vento




Messenger says...


Haha ur a machine. I wanted to go more focused povs, hence acrual thoughts being included, but sometimes I tend to still avoid exposition even though it would be fine since it's more like internal consciousness



Ventomology says...


I am UNSUPERVISED. >: D




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