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16+ Violence

Williwaw Chapter 24

by Messenger

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Carris waited for Alec to return that night. If she was going to leave she would need transportation. It would take over two days to walk there, and she wasn't sure that she had a week to spare.

I wonder if Gwyn and the others made it to Atheron yet.

Feeling stiff, not just from her ordeal, but also from mostly sitting and lying down, she decided to amble around the small hut. She now realized that with just one bed, Alec must have been spending nights somewhere else, although, with no friends to speak of other than Laura, she wondered where that might be.

The door swung open with a gust of wind, and wrapped in a scrappy robe, Alec strode in, firewood tucked beneath both arms. He dumped it beside the door. He shut the door and turned to Carris.

"Moving about are we?" There wasn't the same jovial tone as before.

Carris shrugged.

"Well, if you're feeling able, how about building this fire back up? I'm going to get some dinner started."

Carris furrowed her brows. "It's rather late isn't it?"

"Tell that to me stomach."

"Fair enough."

Carris skirted around the left of the fire pit while Alec took the right side. She bent over to pick up some of the smaller logs and tried her best to hide the stiffness and exhaustion she felt in such a simple task. She tossed the logs on and watched the frenzy of sparks that swirled toward the roof. Alec kept his back turned to her as he produced some potatoes from a leather sack in the corner. He began chopping them.

"Fill that kettle with water and put it on the fire, would ya?"

Carris grabbed the bucket of fresh water and walked over to the kettle near the counter where Alec was working. She cleared her throat.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I need transportation to Atheron as soon as possible. Tomorrow morning even."

Alec lowered the knife in his hand and turned to face Carris.

"You have a lot of nerve."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nerve. Gumption. Audacity some might say."

"I'm sorry, I already told you that I need to get to Atheron. I'm just asking for a little help."

Alec huffed. "And what exactly is everything I've done called? Y'know, Laura stopped me on the way in. You got her in quite a tizzy."

"Yes, of course, this has been helpful. I just need to get to my friend. She could be in danger."

"And what of my friend? One of my only friends. Seems you've got a knack for using but not giving."

"Excuse me? I didn't ask you to do any of this for me."

"And perhaps I shouldn't have," Alec said.

Carris took a step back, feeling heat on her neck. "What does that mean?"

"From the moment you've arrived I've heard not one thanks, one appreciative word. You've demanded a horse, insulted my friend, and used my house. Why should I give you more help?"

Carris stuttered.

"Exactly. You won't get far in this world with that attitude, Missy. You are right about one thing though. You will be leaving. But let's forego the morning. How about right now?"

Carris took a step back. She gritted her teeth and fought back the urge to storm out. "You are right."

"About what?"

"About everything."

Alec cocked his head to one side. "Not very specific."

"you're going to make me be specific?"

"An apology without specifics isn't an apology."

"Fine," Carris spoke in sharp, short words. "I am sorry that I haven't thanked you. I'm sorry that I insulted your friend."

Alec nodded once. "Great. You'll need to tell Laura herself tomorrow morning, but for now, that will do."

"No. I'm sorry, but as much you might find that necessary, I need to get to my friend. If you truly care about Laura, or your daughter, or wife, you'll understand how badly I need to make sure they're safe."

Alec pursed his lips and turned back to cutting potatoes. Everything In Carris called for a demand to action from Alec she she bit her tongue to stave it off. After a few seconds, he sighed.

"I'll help you. But I can't just give you a horse. I'll take you to Atheron myself. We'll use my buckboard. First thing in the morn."

"wait, you're coming to Atheron?"

"You've been quite sparse on the details of your journey. If ya won't at least tell me why you need to go there, I'll go myself and find out. Why shouldn't I? Is it dangerous?"

"No. No, it shouldn't be." 

"Good. Now, how about heating that water? It'll be a long day of riding. You'll want to be well-fed and well-rested."

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1448 Reviews

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Reviews: 1448

Thu Oct 26, 2023 8:14 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...

Hi, me again back for more as is usual for this time of day! I'm so interested to now be reading ones you've written this year rather than multiple years ago. I completely would have given up by now so I'm super impressed you've continued on, but it's so interesting to see how your style and technique evolves as we go.

More a technical point, but Carris' chapters at the moment are far shorter than Devlin's. It's not a problem per se but it is making the narrative feel a bit unbalanced and I'm not able to get as involved in Carris' chapters vs Devlin's.

I actually found Carris' attitude to be relatively in keeping with what we know of her character so far. She's still under a lot of pressure, worried about her friend and the fate of the world too. We've seen her lash out when stressed before so this doesn't really surprise me.

However, I think I wasn't as bought into Alec's anger. I don't think we've seen enough of his friendship with Laura for his feelings to seem justified, and that seems to be the route of his anger toward Carris. His motivations also aren't really clear to me so for now I still don't trust him (this might be intentional, just wanted to let you know the vibe I'm getting).

I would agree with Vento's point below though about some introspection before the apology. I'm not sure I follow if she's apologising because she means it or because she wants something from Alec.

That's all for this one!


Messenger says...

Perhaps she doesn't know why she's apologizing either xD

IcyFlame says...

that would be fair xD

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Fri Sep 01, 2023 4:25 pm
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Ventomology wrote a review...


Going to kind of piggy back off of Spearmint here, because I was also actually a little surprised by her attitude when it started to become more pronounced in these Alec Cabin scenes. I suspect some of this can be attributed to a break in continuity between 2018 and 2020, but here are some things that may help smooth out this characterization when you get to rewrites.

From what I can tell, Carris's attitude comes from a lifetime of people a) not taking her seriously and b) people assuming the worst of her. In the context in which she grew up, lashing out and being stubborn were probably the only ways to get what she needed. Suddenly, she is being put into some very different situations, with people who don't know her in any way and thus have no reason to assume.

Action-wise, we started to see the breakdown of her attitude during the attack on Potter's Creek, between her and Devlin. But it was stressful, and she's relatively young, so we the audience totally get it without any directly written insight. I think during this portion, you could lay some stronger seeds--something introspective, or something Devlin says that either gets her thinking or causes her to really lash out. Like, screaming, shouting, hurting each other sort of lashing out.

If she leaves the rest of the party with this kind of intensity, I think it will really sell her attitude with Alec and Laura in a more natural way. It puts her at the very highest extreme, which would be a great place for her to start to understand both that other people are not Malcolm or her bullies or her mother, and that there are negative consequences to her attitude.

In this chapter specifically, I think it would really help to have a little more introspection before she bucks up and apologizes to Alec. I want a more intimate depiction of her resistance, and of the thought process that tips the balance. Does she apologize because it's a way to get what she wants from Alec, or does she legitimately feel some remorse?

Anyway that's my two cents. Hope this helps!


Messenger says...

I agree. I feel like you're really on my wavelength haha in the chapter where they sit on the mountainside after the dragon, I basically want to entirely re-write it past them escaping, including the one scene with Devlin where he actually says some things he doesn't know because I forgot thar just because I know it doesn't mean he does %uD83D%uDE02

Ventomology says...

Honestly good on your for chugging along. I always end up restarting and getting nowhere lol.

Messenger says...

Yeah I'm demanding myself that I finish a long form project for the first time since my very first book at 15

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Fri Aug 11, 2023 7:06 am
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Spearmint wrote a review...

Hey Messy! I'm (finally) here with a review! xD I've read the first few chapters of Williwaw, so I have a vague sense of who Devlin and Carris are. I didn't get the impression that Carris was unappreciative from what I read, but exhaustion can make people rude, and it looks like Carris has been through a lot.
Based on this chapter, here are my impressions of Alec: Carris knows a fair amount about him, so I'd guess that the two of them are acquaintances. Alec seems to be reluctantly helping Carris, and yet he cares enough to personally accompany her to Atheron. Maybe he was some kind of uncle figure to her before, so he feels slightly responsible for her safety? Hmm, not sure.
I'm interested enough to read more, even though this chapter is in the middle of things, so that's a good sign! :]
My main critique would be that you tend to not use enough commas in dialogue. I'll point some examples out later.

On to specifics!

"Moving about are we?" There wasn't the same jovial tone as before.

Firstly: There should be a comma between "about" and "are," like so: "Moving about, are we?"
Secondly: Hmm, so Alec was previously happy to see Carris here? It's possible that she's just overstayed her welcome...

Carris furrowed her brows. "It's rather late isn't it?"

There should also be a comma between "late" and "isn't" here!

She bent over to pick up some of the smaller logs and tried her best to hide the stiffness and exhaustion she felt in such a simple task.

Okay, I'm definitely getting the sense that Carris doesn't mean to be ungrateful. She's straining herself to help out, even though she's clearly not in her best condition. I wonder what happened...

Alec lowered the knife in his hand and turned to face Carris.

I think you could add some description here. I'm curious what Alec's facial expression was! Did his eyebrows draw together in displeasure? Did he look tired? Frustrated?

"Exactly. You won't get far in this world with that attitude, Missy. You are right about one thing though. You will be leaving. But let's forego the morning. How about right now?"

Ooh, I like this line of dialogue~ Very dramatic, haha.

Everything In Carris called for a demand to action from Alec she she bit her tongue to stave it off.

Might want to proofread this part. xD

Overall, this was a pretty good chapter! I'm sure I'd find it better if I'd read all the previous ones, haha, but I'll catch up eventually. Have a wonderful day/night! =D

Messenger says...

yes, things will make more sense as you read the preface to this conversation xD

Spearmint says...

*is slowly catching up* xD

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Thu Aug 03, 2023 1:12 am
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Ari11 wrote a review...

Hello! Ari here.

I think this is a very nicely written chapter. I haven't read any of your previous chapters yet, but this one definitely helped me get a good sense of who the characters are. Carris seems to be stubborn and strong-willed, yet very single-minded and has a hard time considering other people when she has an important task to do, like rescuing her friend.
Alec is similarly stubborn, probably more so, and rather sarcastic. He also seems to be rather interested in other people's business.
Throughout the chapter we get a pretty good sense of where the characters are, but I would recommend just a little more description in your writing. However, that is my only criticism as the rest of the chapter is rather well written(I especially like that you used the word 'tizzy'. That's one I haven't heard in a while XD)

Well, I think that's all from me! Have a good day and happy writing!

pain is that feeling when you are feeling hurt, but it never goes away leaving me hurt. oh it hurts.
— Dragonthorn