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18+ Violence

Williwaw Chapter 13

by Messenger


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.

They reached the other side of the cave in two minutes flat, Carris leading the way through the tricky and uneven ground. The dragon continued its assault on the Sadorians who sounded like they had all they could handle by the shouts and cries that echoed. A small light poked through the wall revealing an entrance about the size of a regular door. Devlin followed Carris through it, but not before giving one last look back. The dragon was screeching and flailing its wings about, stirring up snow, dust, and smoke so that it was impossible to see if there was anyone left, including Eridan.

“Come on!” Carris said, huffing and puffing.

Devlin turned toward her. “That sword. That’s where his powers are coming from. At least, I think they are.”

“Fantastic,” Carris said, turning to head down the new passage. She stopped a few steps into her jog as she realized that Devlin had not moved. “What are you doing? That dragon is mad and it’s going to come for us.” Her voice squeaked more than she would have liked.

Devlin nodded, but his backward showed no apparent comprehension of what she had said.

“You want to go back?” Carris asked, hands on her hips, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “You want that sword.”

Devlin shrugged. “That could change the tide of the war. Think of what that could do to an opposing army in the open field of battle!”

Carris huffed. “Yeah, but there’s a bloodthirsty dragon in there.”

“Not bloodthirsty,” Devlin shook his head, “dorram are bloodthirsty. That animal’s just scared. But that's beside the point. We get that sword, we change the course of the war.”

Carris narrowed her eyes. “I don’t want to change the tide of the war. I don’t care who wins the bloody thing. I want to get out of this hellhole, and this is the best shot I’ve got. I already lost what little money I had to protect these people who for all I know are burnt to a crisp in that cave,” she jabbed a finger past Devlin. “I’m not risking my life for a sword. I’m looking for Gwyn and I’m leaving this mountain.” She turned to go, ramming her hands into her pockets.

Devlin sighed. “You have a fighter in you, you know that? You would make a great soldier.”

“I hate soldiers,” Carris spat back. And with that, she took off down the passage.

Devlin shifted his feet, closed his eyes, sighed again, and ran off after her.

The passage was no more than thirty-five feet long early morning sunlight was streaming in directly at them, illuminating the small puffs their breath made, and tickling them with a hint of warmth. They exited the cave, and after what felt like an eternity of being chased and pursued in that confined and dark catacomb, even Carris was grateful to feel the brisk breeze snap at every inch of bare skin. There was an intake of breath as the first full gust of wind smacked her face, stinging her cheeks.

 She put up a hand to block the sun from her eyes and surveyed the landscape. The small hill they now stood upon spilled down into a small trench, then rose up on the other side again to reach for the sky. Several oaks with their massive, spider-like roots grasped the mountainside as if clinging onto it for dear life. The shrubbery that was present was all a barren brown, any indication of life having been blown away long ago, and drafts of snow now piled up where the brush was thickest. The sun curled over the peak that rose directly ahead of them, several miles forward and upward, snow-capped and with mottled grey-brown rocks and foliage the whole way up.

Carris smiled. She couldn’t help it.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Devlin said, shielding the sun with his eyes to the best of his ability while still surveying the scene. “Almost makes you forget about everything else."

“Almost,” Carris said, looking side-to-side. “Gwyn? Mrs. Hedvel?” she yelled, her voice already hoarse from the night. She sucked in the cold air. “Gwyn! Are you there?”

Devlin stood silent, watching the cave exit.

Carris began to peak over bushes and rocks, looking for any sign that Gwyn had made it out.

Come on, girl, please be here.

“Gwyn, it’s safe to come out!” Carris tried to keep her heart from beating faster, but she couldn’t help it. If Gwyn was dead...

There was a twig snap to the right of Carris, and she spun, rushing over. There was a large boulder that had at one time likely been part of the cave itself, for it was now fallen against a large oak which was bent at an unnatural angle. Out from behind the tree a little head poked out.

“Gwyn!” Carris burst into tears and she scrambled over the tree roots and crashed into Gwyn so hard that they nearly toppled over together. Carris caught herself and they embraced silently for a few seconds. That’s when Carris noticed the second figure nearby.

Malcolm.

He was shaking in the wind, most of his clothes torn to shred and blackened. Carris hesitated. Now that she looked at Gwyn at arm's length she realized that Gwyn was in no better condition. Tears streamed down both faces. Carris wiped them away from Gwyn's face.

“Is anyone else safe? Is anyone else with you?”

“I don’t know,” Gwyn said, shaking her head. “I lost my mom and then the dragon came and I don’t know!” She burst into a fresh set of tears, and hugged Carris again, body heaving up and down.

Carris stroked her hair, tenderly shushing her. She practically had to pry Gwyn off. She hurried to give her jacket to Gwyn, who simply let Carris put it on her. Devlin was beside them now, eying Malcolm. He pursed his lips, then tossed Malcolm his own jacket. Malcolm took it silently as Devlin pulled Carris aside.

“We are going to freeze out in here in less than a day if we don’t get some sort of warm clothes.” He glanced back at the cave.

“No,” Carris said.

Devlin grimaced. “It may be our only option.”

“No, we’re not going back in there.”

“Then what do we do? You’ll freeze by noon, even if we stay moving. Is there any sort of way back to the village. Maybe there is something left of it?”

“No.” Carris hesitated.

“Any trappers lodges, trailblazers cabins, something?”

“No.” Carris’s voice dropped off. “Nothing.”

“Then we’re going back in.”

Carris opened her mouth to object but Devlin pressed on.”\

“We will die if we stay out here. At least there’s a chance, if we go back in there, of survival. I’ll o myself,” he put a hand to his chest, “and you stay here with them. They need your help.”

Carris eyed Malcolm and Gwyn, who were both still shaking, eyes downcast.

“Fine.”

Devlin nodded. “You should stay hidden, just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“In case I don’t make it. In case that drag-“

Carris grabbed Devlin by the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the side. He tried to say something but Carris put a hand to his mouth.

Taste of your own medicine, she thought, reminiscing of the night’s earlier events.

She pointed toward the cave exit while at the same time pushing him toward the tree. A silent “no” escaped Devlin’s lips, and a slight whimper escaped Gwyn’s. Out of the cave staggered the black knight, no longer with a helmet or the right shoulder guard. But he was alive. Behind him trailed three more Sadorians, Jacoby included. There jackets and beards were scorched, and there were fresh burns on their arms and torso, but they were still walking and breathing.

Carris grabbed Gwyn’s hand and led her behind the boulder, sitting her down and putting a finger to her lips. Malcolm hunkered down beside her, a look of confusion on his face as if he had just awoken from a vivid dream and hadn’t taken in his surroundings yet.

Most quiet he’s ever been.

Carris rejoined Devlin’s side, shivering already without her jacket. He was kneeling, head poked around the side of the tree, hand on his hilt. The Sadorians were talking now, taking a seat on a patch of dead grass that had been swept clear of snow by the meandering winds.

“It’s not worth it,” one of them was saying, head in his hands. His scalp was burned a dark reddish-purple concoction. Carris wasn’t sure how he was still alive.

The other nameless Sadorian grunted in agreement, putting a handful of snow to his cheeks as he sank down by a silent Jacoby. Only Eridan stood, the sword hanging loosely in his left hand. He wiped his face free of soot and stabbed the ground with his blade.

“We’re not quitting, not now, not until we’ve finished our mission.”

Jacoby ran a hand over his beard and scratched his chin. “Eridan, we’ve lost nearly all of our men. We started with nearly two dozen. Look at us now.”

“Do you see our people set free?” spittle flew from Eridan’s mouth as his voiced swelled. “Do you see King Ormen’s head on a pike? Do you their so-called Royal City in ashes? Do you see Atheron avenged?”

Was there a tear in his eye as he spoke of Atheron?

The first Sadorian stood now, pushing himself up with his ax handle. “We can regroup. You think you are the only one that wants revenge? We had families as well!”

Jacoby put a hand on his shoulder as the man strode toward Eridan. He shoved it aside and stood within an inch of Eridan’s face. His voice lowered now to a growl, and Carris had to strain to listen.

“Just because you trained on a mountaintop with a maniac who gave you some ridiculous prophecy does not make you some sort of national savior. We are the ones who fought the war for years while you hid on a mountaintop.”

Eridan inhaled, and despite the light in his eyes, his answer came out quietly. “We have all suffered much. This is not the time to quarrel. We have taken an impregnable outpost, we have slain a dragon, and now we have no opposition ahead of us. You saw the bodies in there. No one else escaped.”

The man was shaking his head, as tears rolled down his ruddy cheeks. “No, we didn’t do those things.” He jabbed a stubby finger at Eridan. “You did it, with that sword, while we ran about like cattle to the slaughter. I’ve had enough.”

Eridan took a step back, hand on his sword. “What do you mean to do?”

The man eyed the sword, then glanced at Jacoby he simply shrugged.

Eridan pleaded with him. “Martius, you have born a great burden. I know that you have suffered greatly. I know that I wield a greater power than you, but this is not about me. This is about Sadoria. “He grasped Martius’ jacket. “We are so close to the end. I need you when this is all over. The Plains of Cahl is just the beginning. We will need a commander, and there is no one that Jacoby and I trust more than you. You were the one who finished off that dragon!”

Martius hung his head. “Yes, and I sacrificed Jorge and Ferdo to accomplish that. I can’t do this anymore.”

He turned, trudging through a snow drift headed straight for Carris and Devlin. They scrambled behind the tree, sure that they had made some sort of noise that Martius would hear and Eridan would come charging in, sending them flying. But Martius had his head hung low, ignoring Eridan and Jacoby’s calls for him to come back. Carris looked at Devlin. He mouthed “jacket” and pointed at Martius. Realization dawned on Carris. She nodded, then felt her stomach drop when she realized what that more than likely entailed.

Eridan was talking again, his voice with less energy than before, like someone tired of life. “We’ll press on. Martius was a good man, but none of us define the mission before us by ourselves. We’ll head for Atheron, gather supplies, and then we are headed for the Plains of Cahl.”

Without another word they departed, headed away from the hidden group. Carris was about to speak, but Devlin put a hand up. After a few moments, he nodded and rose.

Carris spoke in a hushed tone, afraid that Martius might still be nearby. “I’m not going to the Plains of Cahl. That’s the wrong direction. The Royal City is down the mountainside.”

“Until we get some warm clothing you’re going exactly where I am unless you prefer to freeze to death. We’ll acquire that Sadorian’s jacket, and head for Atheron.”

“Acquire?” Carris gulped. 


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Sat Oct 14, 2023 7:54 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi hello hi I’m back for more! I’m on my phone this evening, so sorry in advance for any typos or messed up code.

Let’s get right into it.

Devlin nodded, but his backward showed no apparent comprehension of what she had said.

By his backward do you mean the back of him, or the back of his head or something? I’m not sure I’ve seen this expression before.

The interaction where Devlin tells Carrie she’d be a good solider was a nice add, especially because the way she reacts to it was good in terms of characterisation. She’s been not too thrilled by Devlin from the start (although I guess a big part of that is probably because she thinks that this whole thing is Devlin’s fault) so that goes a way to suggesting why that might be.

Devlin did seem pretty calm in contrast to Carris. Given that not too long ago he was questioning the existence of magic would he not be more freaked out by the whole dragons existing thing?

I’m not too sure I know what’s happened to all the other townspeople…are they safe? Basically I’m concerned for Gwyn!

So far I’m finding that Carris is a very consistent character that I feel like you’ve done a good job of establishing. Devlin is less so - I feel like he was more nervous and unsure of himself at the start, so this chilled vibe isn’t as fitting for the character he was at the start. I’m interested to see them open up a bit more though, perhaps when the danger isn’t so imminent!

Hope this was helpful, catch you for the next one!

Icy




Messenger says...


Haha just advanced warning the next chapter is awful so if you just wanna read it and not review it that's totally okay. It will be eradicated in later drafts %uD83D%uDE02



IcyFlame says...


Haha thanks for the warning! I%u2019ll maybe do the tiniest review but then move straight on



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Sat Sep 30, 2023 9:50 pm
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NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Salutations, curious mind!



Rinisha is back here and ready to review 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a bumpy ride. I’m going to keep it short alright!✨

All in all

This party rocked, let's take a quick look!

Now I know where all the Villagers are. They had already left. But why was Carris left behind? Was it for Devlin, like some kind of IOWEHIM, or maybe not. One question though, I sense something brewing between Gwyn and Malcolm. I don't know, I'm just asking myself.

Ohhh, the snow. I bet on a scale of one to ten, a pretty solid nine, that Devlin and Carris will make it out alive. I don't know how or when, but they will. Maybe Gwyn will die, or Malcolm will decide to do something good with his life and sacrifice himself, or something like that.

~~~

I think you have a few typos over here

Before
Carris opened her mouth to object but Devlin pressed on.”\
“We will die if we stay out here. At least there’s a chance, if we go back in there, of survival. I’ll o myself,” he put a hand to his chest, “and you stay here with them. They need your help.”


After
Carris opened her mouth to object but Devlin pressed on.
“We will die if we stay out here. At least there’s a chance, if we go back in there, of survival,” he put a hand to his chest, “and you stay here with them. They need your help.”


~~~

I don't really get a taste of your own medicine here, but I like that Carris is a stubborn girl. She is brave and upstanding, she does not let any man tell her what to do or not to do. This is probably my favourite scene in the whole chapter.

“In case of what?”

“In case I don’t make it. In case that drag-“

Carris grabbed Devlin by the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the side. He tried to say something but Carris put a hand to his mouth.

Taste of your own medicine, she thought, reminiscing of the night’s earlier events.



Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉

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Fri May 28, 2021 4:15 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hello, Messenger, it's me again!

This chapter was slow paced compared to the previous ones, but still of the same high quality. I have a suggestion, though; combine this chapter with the last one. I've mentioned this before; you can merge several of your chapters, actually. I understand if you kept them small on YWS - people here aren't inclined towards reading big chapters - but wherever else your story is saved, just take a look at all the chapters and see which are the ones you can combine. as it is, breaking away to a new chapter in the middle of an action sequence doesn't make much sense.

A small light poked through the wall revealing an entrance about the size of a regular door.

How is the dragon inside the cave, then? Are they highly flexible?

The passage was no more than thirty-five feet long early morning sunlight was streaming in directly at them, illuminating the small puffs their breath made, and tickling them with a hint of warmth.

I believe there ought to be a fullstop after "long."

The small hill they now stood upon spilled down into a small trench, then rose up on the other side again to reach for the sky. Several oaks with their massive, spider-like roots grasped the mountainside as if clinging onto it for dear life. The shrubbery that was present was all a barren brown, any indication of life having been blown away long ago, and drafts of snow now piled up where the brush was thickest. The sun curled over the peak that rose directly ahead of them, several miles forward and upward, snow-capped and with mottled grey-brown rocks and foliage the whole way up.

Carris smiled. She couldn’t help it.

I love this passage! It shows how they can appreciate the beauty around them regardless of how unconventional it is. Despite it being devoid of life, they find something to smile at in it, and that's lovely. Ahhh, this paragraph makes me feel like a Romantic.

Devlin nodded, but his backward showed no apparent comprehension of what she had said.

This felt a little weird. I understand what you're trying to express, but you could refine it a bit. Perhaps, "Devlin made no move to acknowledge what she had said."

“Not bloodthirsty,” Devlin shook his head, “dorram are bloodthirsty. That animal’s just scared. But that's beside the point. We get that sword, we change the course of the war.”

Mentioning an original species: great! That's a very smooth way to let your audience feel their way into your world. And Devlin's behaving very professional now; I approve of that! He's smart to assess what the weapon could do in their hands.
Oh, and this is also the first time war has been explicitly mentioned, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong, of course. If the war is a major part of the plot - from what I can tell, it's going to be - then perhaps you should have mentioned it earlier? I knew there was conflict between the Sadorians and Astorians, but didn't realize it was a war.

The whole conversation with the Sadorians was remarkably well done. It's quite nice to have antagonists I can relate and sympathize with. I still don't know what exactly happened, but am driven to find out for myself.

This was a suitably good end to the action sequence. it's up to the mark in terms of pacing and plot. You've established yourself as a pretty proficient writer! You should be proud.

Keep writing!

~ Lee




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Wed Jan 02, 2019 2:58 am
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Shady wrote a review...



Hey Messenger!

Shady back with another review for you! This is the last chapter I have to read/review before I'm all caught up on your novel! I'm super excited for it :D

“I hate soldiers,” Carris spat back. And with that, she took off down the passage.


I really am curious as to why... is it because your mom slept around with them? Ooh, maybe your real dad was a soldier and that's why he's no longer around because he got killed? So many theories. I do hope that you will eventually dig into that comment and let us know why she's so salty about soldiers.

~ ~ ~

Okay! This is another good chapter! It makes the chapter I jumped in on make a loooot more sense, lol. I now understand what their pursuit was about and who it is that they're chasing.

This is a good plot point setting up how few of them are left, cause I remember that coming into play in the last chapter you've posted. So far everything I've seen it looks like you've done an excellent job setting up each plot point in beautiful succession and it's just been a really nice, cohesive story to read. I have been enjoying myself greatly, if you hadn't noticed ;)

I'd like if you wanted to add me to your tag list when you post more of this! I'm on break now, and when I go back to school I can't promise that I'll be able to keep up with taking on this novel as well, but I would very much like to keep up with it if I can, so, yeah... if you want, feel free to keep me posted when you upload new chapters.

Great novel! Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




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Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:16 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hi Messenger, here again to review!

So - I'm confused where the powers/sword thing is coming from, since I don't think we've previously heard about it and Devlin seems very knowledgeable about it all of a sudden. I think we need more background on how Devlin is so knowledgeable about that, unless I'm missing it from somewhere.

At the beginning of this chapter I think there are too many body description breaks, where you can easily portray emotion with the dialogue alone, or an action that moves the plot along, rather than just a side-comment about a gesture. Somtimes the extra descriptors for body language get in the way of the story if done too often; For instance,

"Devlin nodded, but his backward showed no apparent comprehension of what she had said. “You want to go back?” Carris asked, hands on her hips, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. "


^ a lot of that just doesn't seem needed, and I'm confused about the "backward showing" bit.


It's certainly a sweet moment when Gwyn and Carris reconnect! I loved that! Lots of feels. I have to say that the scene before when Carris is smiling at the landscape seems a little out of place because they're like running for their lives and in the midst of a war, I'm torn about that scene - because on one hand it seems out of character for Carris to be enjoying it, on the other-hand I think Devlin does an alright job acknowledging the tension by saying, "you can almost forget everything else"...

When the Sadorians emerge from the cave - that's really intense!

I love this description:
"Malcolm hunkered down beside her, a look of confusion on his face as if he had just awoken from a vivid dream and hadn’t taken in his surroundings yet."


I like how you build up some sympathy for the Sadorians too, they're plight definitely seems bleak as well, though the political end seems a tad hard to follow, and I wonder if maybe I missed some vital stuff at the beginning of the story.

I'm also not following what's happening at the very end,
"Carris spoke in a hushed tone, afraid that Martius might still be nearby. “I’m not going to the Plains of Cahl. That’s the wrong direction. The Royal City is down the mountainside.”
--> Does this mean they're going to go tackle the sadorian who is leaving to steal their jacket, or did they drop a jacket or what? And what is Carris alluding too?

The exchanges in this chapter were a bit information heavy, with the main guys hiding out the whole time and it was a tad difficult to follow - but that might have just been because I haven't read the early chapters of the piece. I did really like Carris and Grwyn's reunion though - that's some really good writing there.

Looking forward to reading the next installment.

~alliyah




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Mon Oct 29, 2018 6:37 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Devlin turned toward her. “That sword. That’s where his powers are coming from. At least, I think they are.”


I'm not sure how he reached this conclusion. For one thing, I'm surprised he's got this much presence of mind to even be working this out right now, given the circumstances (although I'll allow that he's a soldier and can probably think under pressure better than the average bear). For another, if his attitude toward magic is what the general attitude toward magic is in the real world, it surprises me that he'd already even be considering Eridan's "powers" rather than trying to come up with some rational, non-supernatural, non-magical explanation for them. I'm also not sure how he came up with the sword as the source of the magic.

“You want that sword.”

Devlin shrugged. “That could change the tide of the war. Think of what that could do to an opposing army in the open field of battle!”


Okay, well, I guess for this to happen he has to realize it's the sword, I suppose. But I still don't know enough about the war for me to care much about the outcome one way or another. Sooooo I'm with Carris for the time being. Get the heck out of Dodge, Devlin!

Devlin sighed. “You have a fighter in you, you know that? You would make a great soldier.”

“I hate soldiers,” Carris spat back. And with that, she took off down the passage.


Intriguing. I'm not terribly patriotic and I don't at all approve of how much of our funding goes into the military, but even so, I don't hate soldiers. Which makes me think that Carris has some sort of background with soldiers, or at least one soldier, that causes her to feel this way.

Carris smiled. She couldn’t help it.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Devlin said, shielding the sun with his eyes to the best of his ability while still surveying the scene. “Almost makes you forget about everything else."


This is a nice moment, but it feels misplaced because of the fact that they've literally just run out of the cave from a dragon and some Sadorians, not to mention everything that's gone on all night. That said, I think this could work - it just needs to be reframed. Maybe it's beautiful because of the sense of relief it presents, rather than because it's just inherently beautiful and makes you forget everything else. Alternatively, this could just be subtler, appreciation that's smaller than a smile and a line of dialogue.

“Almost,” Carris said, looking side-to-side. “Gwyn? Mrs. Hedvel?” she yelled, her voice already hoarse from the night. She sucked in the cold air. “Gwyn! Are you there?”


Well, I guess the Sadorians have probably been eaten by the dragon or whatever, so I suppose they might not hear her suddenly yelling.

“I don’t know,” Gwyn said, shaking her head. “I lost my mom and then the dragon came and I don’t know!”


POOR GWYN and also mom had a baby with her, didn't she? Or did Gwyn last have the baby and we just haven't seen it with her yet?

At least there’s a chance, if we go back in there, of survival.


DEBATEABLE. We could make a fire. We could share body heat. I haven't noticed anyone suffering from frostbite yet. So I question the fact that going back into a dragon-and-Sadorian-infested cave that most of the townspeople, as far as we know, failed to escape from is our only course of action and best chance of survival.

“Do you see our people set free?” spittle flew from Eridan’s mouth as his voiced swelled. “Do you see King Ormen’s head on a pike? Do you their so-called Royal City in ashes? Do you see Atheron avenged?”

Was there a tear in his eye as he spoke of Atheron?


So I like Eridan's dialogue here and the detail of spittle flying from his mouth, but I think the question afterwards ruins the effect. For one thing, it's too much of an obvious wink-wink-nudge-nudge "LOOK THE SADORIANS ARE SYMPATHETIC!!!" The same sort of goes for the Sadorians' very informative dialogue that follows. Additionally, the "was there a tear in his eye" bugs me. Like, don't ask. Show. If you want to leave some doubt about it, you could have Devlin notice a shine on his cheek that looks like a tear, but since Devlin's obviously going to have a certain amount of prejudice against the Sadorians he could think it's a trick of the light, some snow, some water, some blood, whatever.

I question the Sadorians' argument, as well, since they may have a point but Eridan did just successfully lead an attack on Hodan's Pass, which Devlin's people seemed to think was impossible, so, like, does that not mean anything to the Sadorians?




Messenger says...


oof so much to think about! Thanks for all the comments. :D I will DEFINITELY look into all of that, especially the dialogue.




Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening