I would be a snapdragon at the foot of your garden,
vermillion flash in the sea-foam grasses,
watching and waiting for you to change.
~
Wise flower that I am, I know you won't.
So I wave in the breeze like a waggling finger
pulsating with frustration at the person you will always be.
~
I watch you write about yourself constantly,
leaned back frowning on the deckchair, reclining
into your inclination towards morning sun repetition.
~
How obnoxious--
~
like the weeds that gather around me and pollute me
with their fumes.
~
But maybe more so your funnel-gaze, locked onto
the square of office-grade paper making up your world
and meanwhile,
me there, in full-bloom, with no one to write about it,
whereas you call yourself
a nature poet.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So... let's get started.
First and foremost, I love a good nature poem. I love how you utilize the snapdragon as it's one "character" and personality. The descriptions of the thought process of the narrator are well thought out and well written, kudos to you for that! I love how you left the poem vague in a way, allowing the reader to decide for themselves whether the narrator is an actual snapdragon, or maybe to other readers delving deep might find the whole nature idea a metaphor for a person's life.
Thank you so much for fixing auto capitalization. Auto cap is the bane of all poets and some on this forum forget about that, so thank you so much! The poem is very clear cut and concise with formatting and word scheme. I didn't find many words or phrases that are off putting on the rhythm. Clearly from the way this is written, you must be good at editing your own work. Great utilization of punctuation, too. I didn't find any lines that were obsolete or unnecessary for the overall theme. Diction wise, the vocabulary and word choices are very simple, which for a poem of this nature (no pun intended) and style. I like the simple imagery and figurative language.
My favorite lines in particular are
I love how this line is so interesting that it just immediately captured my attention. My edits though are vermillion is spelled vermilion. And rhythm wise, I would prefer "sea-foam grass" vs "grasses". It just sounds pleasing on the tongue better than "vermilion flash in the sea-foam grasses", it just comes off a bit wordy in my opinion.
These last lines sum up the whole story of the poem. It all just brings every stanza and line together. So great job on that! Here though, I just don't like it when lines or sentences start with the word "but". The line would in my opinion sound and look better without it.
Overall, great poem! Very witty and sharp. Nice job! Keep writing.
Thanks for the review!
Hello hello, mint here for a review! Just a quick disclaimer-- I'm not an expert at reviewing poetry, and I'm unfamiliar with most of the ~fancier~ terms, so this review will probably be just me commenting randomly on all the parts I liked! (Honestly I couldn't find anything to critique here ^-^) Anyways, on to the review...
Ooh I love the different colors in this line~ Vermillion is so fun to say too! Oh, and thanks to my language arts class, I can actually name a poetic device I saw here XD The assonance with "flash" and "grasses" is super cool, and I feel like this would be an excellent poem to read aloud!
These lines are beautiful too! The "waggling finger" part matches perfectly with the fact that the flower is frustrated at the person. And haha whenever I look at flowers in the breeze now, I'll probably think of this poem and wonder whether they're wagging their heads/fingers at me. XD
Hmm this makes me think that the flower is talking about an author? Is this whole poem poking a little fun at how writers focus so much on their writing instead of looking at the nature/world around them? If so, that's super cool, and quite true too! C:
Overall this is a very well-written poem, and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing! ^-^
Thanks for the review, mint! Ah and that interpretation is spot-on, so I'm happy to hear I managed to get that across~ Thanks again <3
You're absolutely welcome! C: <3
This is a lovely poem of nature. I appreciate the role of nature poet. It is important to write regularly. The comparison of breeze with finger is interesting.