Melt - 2.2 - Followers

This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review!

So I'm going to try and get caught up since you've extended the deadline for 2.3! We see that this is another part that follows Evan, and it makes sense since you started with her in the first part. Something that I'm wondering is if you'll be alternating between POVs now that you've introduced Evan into the novel. I do miss Lilli and her presence in the novel as the main character and I'm having a bit of trouble accepting the change, but that's just personal attachment. I don't mind seeing more than one POV, but I'd like to know how many there will actually be? We don't know if it's only going to be these two, or if there's going to be more than this. I wouldn't want to see too many, and I'd suggest a cap of three or four for this novel so you aren't juggling too many characters, but I can see the need for Lilli and Evan to have their respective ones.

We also find out that her full name is Evanessa, which is a name that I'd never heard before. One character that I do want to know more about is Suz or Suzana, who seems to work for Evan's father. Lauren is quite right about the family and how complex it seems to get, especially with Cate being an Agent and then Moths being involved as well, and Lilli never knew about any of this! That would be quite the experience, learning that your full family is filled with these different types of people, and it adds a whole new level of mystery (and confusion on my parts at points because I have trouble following family trees a lot of the time :p).

There are two new characters that we meet other than Evan's father, who to me seems like one of those strict fathers who has a rebellious teenage daughter that hates them, but the father is always saying he knows what's "best" for them. At least, that's the vibe that I get from him. I see that in this part, 'the anarchists' is an actual term in the story, but we don't know quite what it means yet. We see that Evan hasn't heard of her cousin and that she doesn't exactly hate the family? But I can see she has somewhat of a dislike of her father, and didn't know that Lilli happened to be her cousin.

Agreeing with Lauren, I wanted more information about 'the anarchists' since everyone knows who they are, even Evan in this case it seems, but we don't. Even just some more context clues as to who they are and why they're dangerous would help the reader out. We see that Lilli also has powers, and is a mix of different things? This is something that interests me a quite a bit and the whole chapter part is a lot stronger to me than the last, I think, and that's because there's more questions and more character interaction. We hear that Lilli is an 'anomaly' and I wonder what this means for her.

I hope I helped and have a great day! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Hey Lareine!

Oooh the intrigue grows! I know you mentioned in your reply to one of my last reviews that the Moths are a large family which makes Lilli and Evan cousins. I'm on board with this wide-reaching magical family tree. Especially the creepy note of making sure presumably different branches with different magical abilities don't mix. That's FASCINATING. And Lilli is this mixture? Her dad is from Madam Lekseyev's side of the family, whereas Cate is Alexander Moth's/Evan's dad's side of the family.

Since there seems to be so much complexity wrapped up in this family - not only are they large and intermarried, but magic - I think you'll have to be super deliberate about the information you reveal and when/how you reveal it. This is, of course, a second draft consideration once you've found out exactly how it operates. But, for example, this section felt like a LOT of information at once. I want to know a lot of things, like what different kinds of magic exist in this family and how they came to acquire it. Or why the family didn't react more angrily/violently to two members breaking the rules and mixing magical lines (or, were they angry? If they weren't, why not? What is the consequence of a magical-mix like Lilli? Is it more dangerous to herself, or to others?).

I'm also feeling like I need some more information about the anarchists. Every character seems to be fully aware of who the anarchists are, what they're doing in the city, and what threat they pose to this family. However, I the reader am still a bit in the dark. A good rule of thumb I try to stick to is: if all the characters know about it, the reader should too. Of course, there are things to be kept deliberately secret in stories! But I don't get the sense that this is one of them, especially since they talk quite openly and familiarly about the anarchists. Use your third person narrator to your advantage, and give us some more info!

Otherwise, this was another super interesting section to read. You've definitely got me hooked, which is the hardest part when it comes to writing fiction. Everything else just takes drafts and practice.

Keep writing!

--Lauren

Hey, I'm here to review!

At the beginning of this chapter, I can truly feel the tension in the situation, presented by how the powerful people react to Evan's arrival and show she dreads having them together at once and the prospect of them focusing on her in a negative way.

I learn new words about furniture (ottoman, chaise xD)!

Evan’s blood froze in her veins. Of course Cate’s subordinate had told her about that, probably as quickly as he could. ‘Look what stupid shit your niece is doing now, wouldn’t she make just a horrible heir?’ She grimaced and shifted on the ottoman to face the rest of the adults easily—Madam Lekseyev, Mrs. Adriana Gianni, Sir Frederick. People she’d grown up being taught to respect above all else, and then there was Miss Jensen’s son—what’s-his-name—pretending that he wasn’t staring at her from the sofa.

People she’d grown up being taught to respect above all else, and then there was Miss Jensen’s son—what’s-his-name—pretending that he wasn’t staring at her from the sofa.

Why couldn’t Miss Jensen herself have been there? She would have backed Evan up. The rest of these people, they were pacifists. Content to sit by and let the anarchists wreck their city in the name of non-interference.

Madam Lekseyev sat ramrod straight. “Ljiljana! You don’t mean Ljiljana was hurt, do you? Did something happen—”

first cousins once removed