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140,236 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
A pickup truck? I somehow didn't expect Dev to be riding a monster pickup truck, but okay. XD
Elijah sounds like he's living a pretty...oh, I don't know what word to use. "Messed-up" sounds too harsh, "troubled" sounds too sad. An undisciplined life? He doesn't have a job, doesn't have money but needs it. He doesn't seem to know how to budget, and when he did think about going to look for a job, he went to take a nap instead. He could use some structure, direction, and purpose in his life, I think.
Andirac? Andi is short for something?
I started correcting your usage of "lay" and "laying" instead of "lie" and "lying" in the first two paragraphs of the second part, but then I confused myself so much that I couldn't make any sense out of any grammar anymore. This page has a nice explanation of the difference between "to lie" and "to lay": http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive ... lielay.htm
I think I have a crush on Andi or something, haha. Even when Cate just mentioned them, I was all like, "Yyyaaayy~" No pressure, but I can't wait for the next chapter to come out!
Hi, Arkhaion! Happy Review Day!!
I haven't read the beginning of this story.. yet. I just jumped right into this chapter. So while I was obviously a tad confused, I still thoroughly enjoyed it! After this review, I can't wait to read all the chapters before this one.
I'll start by saying I really like the descriptions. I can totally picture what's happening!
The characters are also awesome. I really like Cate! You have developed them well.
I didn't see any spelling/grammar errors!
But this bothered me a bit. I know that Elijah is repeating this in his head, but the way it was written confused me a bit. It's probably just me though. But here's a suggestion on how you could change it "Still closed, he repeated in his head." I don't know, it was probably just me, so it's your choice about it.
Overall, I loved this chapter and I can't wait to read more of your work!