Balance - Chapter 2.1

Hello! LittleFox here to review again!

I'm really glad I stumbled across this story because i really like it a lot. There's no doubt that if I came across this story in a library I would be reading it for pleasure. It seems so far to be just the kind of story I like.

I have to say I adore the imagery you create. I love all the small details you slip in- it really makes your writing come alive in my mind. It's almost like bits of poetry mixed into your novel.

As for mistakes, I was too distracted by how good this was to notice any- if there indeed were any at all.

Please keep up the great work! I intend to follow this story all the way through.

-LittleFox

Me again

So this was quite a bit shorter than the last chapter, which I'm assuming because this is only the first half of chapter two. This review may be a little short and flimsy because this chapter's a bit shorter, plus not an awful lot happens in it, but I shall try my best!

You have a good piece of writing here, and as with the previous chapter your descriptions and what not were awesome. I'm going to struggle a hell of a lot to find critiques this time round, Atheena is an intriguing character, and I'm looking forward to finding out more about him. I'm curious to find out how Jazai came to meet him/work for him, too, so I hope we find that out in the future.

I am tempted to give you a critique about how this chapter was a little uneventful and slow... but this is only the first half, so obviously there's plenty of time for that to change. Nonetheless, I do think this part drags a tiny bit. I mean, I know this meeting between your MC and Atheena is important so that we understand their chemistry, as well as the kind of character Atheena is. I do perhaps think you could make it a bit more concise though, I mean, it takes a long time for Atheena to decide on one thing--what he'll do about Jazai's payment. I'll emphasise that this is just me though, I might just be really impatient and want the room to, like, explode or something.

The only other thing I want to bring up is the whole sentence mood, monotonous e.t.c. thing I mentioned in my previous review. The monotonous feel was present in this chapter as well, so make sure to keep an eye on that. I explained this in detail in my last review anywho, so I won't ramble on about it all over again here. Just bear in mind what I said earlier, basically. Use a more varied length in sentences (primarily by adding in some more shorter sentences), and this issue will be sorted, methinks.

I think that's it... Hm, I feel rather useless. I mean, it's a good thing on your part that I can't think of any more critiques--it must mean you're doing a good job. Sorry I couldn't be of much help!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Hello ancient! Trying to review this is going to be a really tricky job because I couldn't find much to point out. There's only one nitpick and overall it's a really good first part of a chapter.

Jazai gritted cer teeth. "I could have died—"

Even in the dim light, ce could have counted the flecks of gold on his cheeks.