Spades - 3

Hey Ark. I’m so so sorry that it took me so insanely long to get to this. Life has been insane and I really am still interested in this story. I read it when you first posted, and I loved it, but I just couldn’t churn out a proper review. For that, I’m sorry.
But onto the review! I’m a bit rusty in my reviewing skills, so I may be all over the place, but I’ll try.

Alright. I’ll be honest. I don’t have many nitpicks. You’re just such an amazing writer, but here’s my two cents.

She waved a hand dismissively and glanced over at another room, snapping, "Candor...

This sentence seemed a bit off to me, because the first two actions mentioned seem slightly disconnected/ unrelated. First, she is waving away Ace’s comment. Next, she is glancing at the other room. Third, she is snapping at her child after seeing what he is doing. I think it would be better to give the reader a moment to breathe by placing a period after she waved her hand. Then the actions of glancing and snapping are more connected and make more sense. It’s very nitpicky of me, so I hope that makes sense?

"You've been asleep two days straight. From what Finn told me, you got hurt pretty bad, so you were resting up here."

I think a reviewer before me may have mentioned this as well, but why doesn’t Ace pursue this? I know the kids interrupt him, but if he remembers Daly from before, how much does he remember from when he got shot? Does he not connect the dots and wonder what the heck happened and why he was passed out for two days on his preschool teacher’s couch? The whole situation is so entirely bizarre, but I adore it at the same time! You do an amazing job at keeping the reader on their feet, opening new questions, never quite closing the original ones. It’s so so good! XD

This is very nitpicky as well, but how does Ace even remember his preschool teacher? I know I don’t remember mine at all, much less their names. I don’t know. I just found it amazing that he’d remember what she looked like and her name, but that’s probably no help to you. XD

Now I'm just going to gush a bit more. I'm seriously in love with this story.

Shoulder. Hand. Cool. Ace connected the dots, glanced down, and tugged the blanket up over his chest—he understood getting drunk, but why the hell was he shirtless?

I. Love. This. I don’t know why, but the characterization is just so smooth and the writing is so effortless that I don’t notice it. You do so well with keeping the situation going, the characters realistic, and the writing sharp that I get sucked right into the story. I was disappointed when the chapter ended, even when rereading it.

"Candor Eldridge Keaton, you get your hands off that stove right now—I'm so sorry, my kids are ridiculous."

This isn’t a nitpick, but firstly: I LOVE the namesssss. Secondly: the dialogue is lovely, because it’s very realistic to how people actually speak. I also love how you used her dialogue to describe what her child was doing, instead of explicitly describing it as the narrator.

"Lilo, honey, where's Stitch?”

This couldn’t be an accident. I don’t know what significance it holds, though. Maybe just an author inside joke?

There’s something off about the household, with such wild, violent children and...interesting parents. I have so many questions about everything, just like Ace. I want to know what the heck is going on, and what connection Ace has in the mess. I love every single stinking detail. I cannot get over how well you describe the setting and create beautiful characters at the same time. Ugh.

Again, sorry that this was not super constructive, but I think that your writing is superb. I adore this story and really hope that you plan to continue it. Hopefully now that I've forced myself back into the flow of things, I could keep up with it at a normal pace. What are your plans for this project? Thank you so much for sharing it! Sorry again for taking so long.

Keep writing and being amazing!

~Night

Hello, steampowered here for a review, as promised! Obviously I’m not all that familiar with the world in which this is set, but from what you’ve told me your premise sounds really interesting and I feel I should definitely be following this novel. Having read and reviewed some of your stuff before, I’ve probably already said that you write really well and you come up with amazing ideas. So I’m just going to get on with the review for this chapter.

From what Finn told me, you got hurt pretty bad, so you were resting up here."

I might have missed some nuance here, but Ace just accepts this? What kind of injury? Aside from the hangover, is he in pain? Wouldn’t Ace want to know more, or to demand that they call the police? I mean, I don’t know the characters all that well at the moment, but I wasn’t totally sure about Ace’s reaction, or lack thereof.

Ace didn't think he'd ever seen a teacher facepalm so hard

I really like the preschool teacher. I’m assuming she’s changed since Ace knew her though, since he was surprised by her tattoos. I’m also going to infer that she’s given up her career, because tattoos probably aren’t allowed on teachers, but that’s just a guess.

She had the air of one of those little kids who said Mom instead of Mommy because it made them feel grown-up. Ace hated her instantly.

Haha, I never called my mother Mummy, only Mum. Even when I was little. Also, I love the way Ace acts around kids – I get the feeling that kids are to him what snakes are to Indiana Jones. It’s definitely amusing.

What a time to remember that he was very much shirtless. At least he still had pants on.

This is hilarious, but also kind of disturbing. What on earth does he think the little girl wants to do to him? xD

Ew, I feel like this was a pretty lame review, considering how short it is and how bad I was at critiquing it. I didn’t spot any glaring errors, which was good. Hopefully at least some of this was helpful, and yes, I’m sorry if it’s sucky.

Keep writing!