Bearskin «Dusk • 2»

Hey, here to leave a review for ya!

I really liked this chapter, and to start, your realism and quick flow stand out to me, its easily understandable.

"with her crossbow in her lap. Next to her was the lever she used to draw the incredible weight of the string and a single heavy broadhead bolt."
Done some research on crossbows here, nice. You didn't just say 'she grabbed her crossbow' you explained how real, heavy crossbows need a lever to pull it back. Also the fact that you mentioned its a broadhead is great, shows you also know which types of points are the best for different targets, in this case an animal. I just love when people do research as they write, awesome job there.

"She wouldn’t ready it until she saw the bear."
I'm not sure what you mean here. Whats the point of waiting?
If you're trying to stay hidden as you hunt, the last thing you wanna be doing when an animal's right there is loading a crossbow, a pretty loud and time consuming process. You might as well get it done when you know no animals are around.

"it was one more step between herself and certain death. She liked having as many of those as possible."
This is good writing, showing her feelings about just how terrifyingly harsh the wilderness is.


Overall a good chapter, though I was disappointed to not see her shoot the bear. Perhaps another chapter then. I like where this is going with its wise sayings and backstories like her mothers words about the night or her fathers words on weapons and life.
Notify me on the next chapter just like you did on this one, I want to make sure i don't miss it.

Hello again! I'm here for another review.
I like the flow you've got going so far. Nothing much has happened yet--but that's the point. The slow buildup will make the eventual action more intense. The stakes are higher, because we have a chance to see how much work it's taking beforehand. Will they catch the bear? Will they even /find/ the bear? The longer we wait to find out, the more those questions intensify.

I like how you've expanded their characters so far. Fedya seems empathetic to the point of irrationality (refusing to eat meat and potentially starving because it was alive once), and Irina a little headstrong and a bit prideful (insisting she can take care of herself).
Their dynamic seems a bit tense right now--like the only reason they're cooperating is because they're siblings, not because they have a deep emotional connection. (As someone with a younger brother, this is realistic )
I'm excited to see how their relationship develops. Will they grow closer, or farther apart? It's too early for me to tell, so I want to keep reading to find out.

A few nitpicky things: In the first few sentences, you had a couple repeated words.
"After a couple of hours, sound returned to the trees, and Irina resigned herself to a day spent for nothing. Not that it was a new occurrence—most of the last half-moon had been for nothing, so far. There had been nothing larger than a rabbit to catch on the way to the valley."
You repeat the word "nothing" three times in this paragraph. I would change the third one to something different--that's the one that tripped me up.

"Only the largest ones, the ones worth hunting, stayed. Irina stayed, looking out over the edge of the platform with her crossbow in her lap."
You repeat "stayed" with only one word in between them. I don't know if this was supposed to be stylistic (repeating words can be useful sometimes, like a poetic flow) but this just reads like you couldn't come up with a better word. Maybe "lingered" could work for one of them? Or, instead of saying "stayed" again, you could say something like "Irina did too", and build off the first sentence with that.

Anyways, I'm intrigued so far. I'm interested to see where this goes