A little something I came up with after daydreaming for an hour.
New Year’s romance
Lila stood at the edge of the street, almost in the road. The flashing, multi colored lights blinded her, but she didn’t care. Jarred stood beside her, looking into her eyes, “are you happy?” he asked, gripping her hand, swathed in warm thermal gloves. “yes.” Her eyes sparkled with the excitement. The ball dropped a little lower, swinging to- and- fro. She jumped up and down like a school girl, and turned to him, her cheeks red from cold and happiness. “It’s happening!” she squealed gripping his arm. But it wasn’t there. “Jarred! Jarred where did you go?” she looked down at the sparkling snow around her feet, red, blue green from the lights bouncing off it. And there he was. He sat on his knee and in his gloved hands he held a small, burgundy, velvet box. “Oh, my” she said bending down, her blond hair sweeping her cheek.
“Lila, will you marry me?” Jarred asked, as the crowd began counting down; “Oh YES!” she shouted over the din. He stood up and kissed her, as the ball dropped and the crowd sang out,
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
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Hey,
It's perfect, the perfect New Year's romance! I love it, well done! Happy New Year!!!
Keep Writing XxX
That was a really cute story. The description was pretty good. I could imagine the New York City scene. I think it might be even better if you lengthened it a little, maybe go a little more in depth about her emotions? She must be pretty happy that the person she loved wanted to marry her.
Your dialogue needs a little work. Every time a different character speaks you need to make a new paragraph. It will make your story much easier to read.
You should capitalize the word "Are" in the dialogue, even though there are words in front of it. It's still the beginning of a sentence.
I liked this story. Work on the dialogue a bit, maybe add some more length, and it'll be golden.
thanks ya'll for your reviews! and its not THAT good. Just a figmennt of my imagantion that came to life.
On just this one part... is it supposed to say, "But he wasn't there" ?
Other than that, this whole little piece was magical... You described it all so well that I could just imagine it happening to me...
I loved this. I would really want to read longer things from you... kepp writing!
Aw, this is so cute and touching. *whips tear* Wow, this is amazing!
Keep Writing!
Nike