this is the first in a series called the wood series (poems) check it out! link to my portfolio:http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/member18842.html
The Midnight wolf
The snow falls,
Onto the dark, hard ground.
It dances through the bare trees,
Singing softly.
He is there.
He watches.
He Listens.
His coat is snow white,
His eyes coal black.
As the trees creak and sway,
He stands poised, and ready.
For what you may ask?
For you,
For spring.
For the world to catch up.
The Midnight wolf is always there.
Watching, Listening.
Always.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,677 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
I loved this. The structure works really well and the imagery is perfect. The way you have grouped the lines together adds to the atmosphere that you have created in this poem. I also like the irregular pattern and the way you have just left "Always." as a sentence by itself at the end. I enjoyed it very much.
Amazing. You were very descriptive and I really like that. The ending was also very nice.
Hey DramaLlama!
Good voice here! You might want to think of a rhyme scheme, though. Doing this is going to help set up a pattern in the readers mind and will help words flow together a little more smoothly, but thats just an opinion/ idea for you to sit on.
a few nit picks:
This was the big part that bugged me. If its a question and someone is asking it or going to ask it put it in quotation marks or italics to give it a sense of being said or thought of.
No capitals for "listens." Even if it is a fragment, it could be there, but use good grammar.
not only did you have a great voice in this, you set up a great scene of a majestic wolf in powdery snow on the prowl. Making a clear scene in poetry as concise as this is hard to do, but by golly you've done it
Great Job
--Ash
Hey Drama! I was reading your stuff, and I found this! I love it, a lot. I think you have good imagery, nice descriptions, and especially good phrasing. I can feel how the poem's supposed to make me feel. I like how you start with the snow, not straight on with the wolf. Altogether, I think's it's absolutely wonderful. Keep writing!
Okay, I tried reviewing this earlier today, but my internet died on me, so it didn't post and I had to go. I shall try again now!
)
Let me start by saying that I really loved this poem. I should also mention that I am not a poet and therefore am not very good at reviewing them but that never stops me from attempting it at least. I owe you that much for your request. (Thank you by the way
I did see something that I thought looked a bit odd when compared to the rest of the poem. Here is the line:
I personally think that it doesn't flow like the rest of the lines and seems to take away from the shock value that I think you want with this stanza. I would recommend to simply take out 'you may ask' and leave the line as 'For what?'. Then two lines down I find out that it is waiting for me :O !!!!!!
I intend to review all of your works like you wanted me to, but it may take me a little while since I don't have very much time on my hands now-a-days. Toodles for now!
Alright, Flow here as requested. I am going to try my best to be helpful here, so here goes nothing.
I really do like this. You give good decription, and it's very detailed. I think it could be so much more amazing though. You kind of left off this poem in a awkward place. Despite the greatness of it, nothing happened. When you read it, it's like oh this is amazing, then you wonder, "What really happened?" The answer to that is nothing. Now you may add something in your series, I have no idea I will see later, but as for this one you just described an unknown creature. Anyway moving on.
I really did like your description, but some of your words are kind of plain. They are used a lot with everyone's writings, and I think adding something new and fresh would sound good in this as well. Keep in mind these are all suggestions, this is pretty good the way it is. Now onto the poem.
The Midnight wolf
The snow falls,
Onto the dark, hard ground.
It dances through the bare trees, [color=#FF8000]I love your description here.
Singing softly.
He is there.
He watches.
He Listens. Why is listens capitalized?
His coat is snow white, You could use some better description here. It is kind of bland right now.[ His eyes coal black. Here to.
As the trees creak and sway,
He stands poised, and ready.
For what you may ask?
For you,
For spring. Spring seems random to me here.
For the world to catch up.
The Midnight wolf is always there.
Watching, Listening.
Always.
[/color][/quote]
I really did like this. I gave suggestion for change above. I hope I helped. If you need anything feel free to ask.
-Flow-
AWESOME
I liked it and thought it was quite interesting. No mistakes found and I hope you do write more, as I would like to read more of your writings. You have a gift and it makes your writing fun to read! ^^ Keep it up!
-Lisa Cooper
thank you ladypurple!
I actually liked that. *clicks like button* As far as I can see there aren't any huge mistakes. I can't really find any... Well, I hope you right more! This has fantastic imagery.
~Ladypurple.