z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Visions ; Introduction + Chapter One [PT1]

by Eternity


A/N: -

Introduction ~

You get one chance to live, Lowe always reminded me. And it’s funny how things happen. Everything around you changes in ways you can hardly imagine, he says. His voice rang in my head and I stared blithely at my blank television screen, but I could see the world. The screen staring my soul down, scanning the entirety of all my living bits, back and forth, like I was some ridiculed key to life itself.

My sketchbook lie next to me with a number two pencil and some charcoal sticks. A talent so oblivious to the own living human it consumed. A sketch of Lewis Oden was plastered in charcoal, staining the crisp, tan paper. I closed my eyes, thinking of the election. It was over, and Oden has won; and there I sat, dejected and soon to be unemployed from my part-time job. My eyes peeled open, shivers running down my body. Why I even bothered to notice the dull tears in my window curtains, I don’t know. It helped me relax my tense muscles after knowing I have no job. I flung my feet up to hit the side of my mattress, propping my feet up to lean backwards. A low growl escaped my lips. “Damn politics.”

The entirety of politics was never something I was quite fond of, and currently, I am not too fond of it even more. I slid out of my chair and slammed my sketchbook on my bed. I glanced at myself in my mirror, snarling at myself. Shaggy brown hair and a tan tone to my skin. I stood tall, trying to straighten my back. Lyme disease has really gotten the best of me. I stumbled toward my door, shaking all the horrid thoughts out of my head.

I opened the door, stepping out of my room and shutting the door behind me. I glanced over the landing to see my parents on the couch watching the news. I stared at the screen again, disturbed by the videos of rampaging human beings flailing themselves around.

“What happened out there?” I spoke aloud, thoughts of concern filling my nerves. The hairs on my arms stood tall.

My father averted his attention to me, “Not much, just a new strain of a cold.”

That’s all? I thought, raising my eyebrow. I cringed at the photos and video footage they showed. It took me a moment to sort it all out–the pedestrians shouldering by with wild eyes, all sorts of cars tangled up in the street, and farther up the block loomed an overturned bus the size of a beached whale. These bloody-thirsty creatures crawled and lurked, eyeing every single thing around them; and here I stood, dumbfounded by the news.

Screams filled my ears and all I could focus on was those eye piercing images. “My God,” I mumbled, shaking my head.

“Your God, what Leo?” My sister joined my side.

“Nothing, just the news is… interesting.” I glanced at her and then back to the screen.

My sister giggled, “Since when? It’s just a cold!” I shot her a glare. What are you talking about? A cold?

“Yeah… a cold…” I whispered.

---

Chapter One (PT1)

My feet hit the ground repeatedly, trying to escape the sound of my own echoing footsteps. What confused me was why I was running and what I was running from. My thoughts whirled in my mind as I began to feel sick. Yet I kept going.

There was no stopping to catch a breath, no mistakes in my movement. I had to keep going. I had to escape.

I ran as fast as my feet could take me; faster than normal speed when adrenaline wasn’t pumping like electricity within my veins. It was amazing. The wind through my hair, the dirt griming my feet, and my heart speeding up every minute I ran.

I began to slow down, my lungs clogging up with smoke. Short, heavy coughs escaped my lips. Glancing around, there seemed to be no source of a fire or anything to cause smoke. Small pinches of pain ran up my legs as I felt the rocks stab against the bottom of my bare feet.

“Sir, are you okay?” My head whirled around at the sound of a small boy standing in back of me. He looked at me confused as another bare cough let loose.

I nodded slowly, “Yes, I’m okay. Do you know where all this smoke is coming from?” I looked around once more, then back to him.

The boy looked at me with his eyebrows raised, “Smoke?” I gave the boy a slow nod as if he was insane. “What smoke?” he asked, concern filling his voice.

I looked around again, shaking my head. How does he not see it?

The boy shrugged and his eyes averted to something else, “Well…” An awkward moment of silence filled the now peaceful air. “I should get going. Have a good day, Sir,” the little boy waved and ran off, dirt flying up behind him.

I closed my eyes, reaching up and rubbing my temples. “What smoke?” I repeated. I opened my eyes and continued to walk down the road, trying to escape that moment. I started to run again, shaking my head a bit to clear my mind. It was dangerous to be outside since the outbreak of some lethal virus unleashed itself. Or, as everyone else says, it's just a cold.

My surroundings were quiet and semi-peaceful. All I heard was the echoing of my footsteps against the pavement throughout the trees. I admired the sunlit beauty of the river beside me and the birds singing their songs; such a beautiful sight for one to consume within their mind. Yet it can all be ruined within seconds.

A high pitched scream filled the forest, and I stopped in my tracks. I cringed slightly, whirling around to examine my surroundings. "Where is that--" I stopped as I caught a glimpse of what looked like a blood thirty human gnawing on flesh of a living being. I gasped, the air trapped in my throat. "What the hell..."

My heart pounded against my chest, and before I could say anything more, I found myself running away in the opposite direction. I continued to hear screams but they didn't seem to get farther. They got closer. I tried to breathe steadily as I ran, but the more and more I tried, the less I could inhale to begin with. I swallowed the lump of saliva within my throat and I shivered. My feet finally hit the grass and I ran through the damp plants, trying to escape the sound of screaming. My eyes ran by every house, trying to catch the slightly glimpse of my own house. As soon as I turned to a different road, my heart skipped a beat and I gasped.

Bodies lie against the floor, blood spilled over the concrete, tension in the air, and no sight of a single living being. I scanned over my surroundings and spotted my front door open. I gulped and sprinted to my house, a low growl forming within my throat. A bead of sweat ran down my face as worry filled my entire body. I felt the cold floor against my feet as I stepped into my house, shaking at the sight before me.

"Mom?" I called out, shuffling through the torn up room. "Lily?" No answer.

I glanced around nervously, slowly creeping up the stairs. "Hello?"

A worrisome voice filled the silence, "Leo? Leo, don't...don't come in here..."

"Why?" I continued up the stairs, bringing my hands together. I fumbled my thumbs, shaking.

"Leo, stay away..." The girl's voice cracked. I followed the sound, pushing the door open. My eyes widened at my sister's face. Blood covered her mouth, nose, and hands. Her eyes were a dark blue and the skin around her eyes was a discoloration of yellow, red, and light purple. She was curled up on the floor, coughing up blood as her entire body shook.

"Run."


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17 Reviews


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Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:27 pm
Hikarufire64 says...



I agree with kappaphime, this isnt a genre I'd read normally but to people who ate looking for a story that has the thinking then they should come and read this. Every paragraph had me thinking and the "Run" at the end really has me waiting to read the next part of this tale




Eternity says...


Oh, thank you! That means a lot! Chapter Two will be posted soon~



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Tue Nov 22, 2016 8:50 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Hey, babe. Here to do a review for you!

I would like to start off by saying that you better not ever say you suck at writing again. This completely proves different, and I liked it a lot.

To be fair, I'll be nitpicking everything ^^


The first thing I noticed was the sections. I don't know why you would have an introduction and then a chapter one, but oh well. You could use the introduction as a prologue, or something like that. Not dwelling on that. Anyway, to the next point.

My sketchbook lie next to me with a number two pencil and some charcoal sticks.


I think,"lie," should contain an s. I know you know how to grammar :P

A low growl escaped my lips. “Damn politics.”


Considering this past election I completely agree with this. Props.

I stopped as I caught a glimpse of what looked like a blood thirty human gnawing on flesh of a living being.


You forgot a s in thirsty as well.

My eyes ran by every house, trying to catch the slightly glimpse of my own house.


This may just be me, but I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean by,"the slightly glimpse." I don't see how it relates to something as big as a house, and if you were using it as an adjective here it would just be,"slight."

Now, overall I really liked Leo's character. He/she is extremely extremely stubborn, hyet at the same time seems a bit vulnerable although they maintain an attitude of,"I'm fine." Extremely easy to relate to, so props for that.

The plot in itself is extremely interesting. If I had any idea about what,"they," were, I'd have to guess zombies. And, no, it's not just because it's something you like. The,"virus," part made me think to a conversation we had awhile back, so I'm going to put my money on either zombies or vampires. Either would be extremely cool.

Anyway, the plot starts off rather slow-ish at first, then build momentum. I really enjoyed that. And the cliffhanger was a nice touch as well. Leaving it at a dramatic part where I will have to wait until the next chapter is posted! Bleh, I'll bug you about your plot when you're on.


Anyway, overall I think you have a pretty decent story and decent character description(Well, besides the younger sister, but she's dead now I think so it really doesn't matter how boring I thought her character was), and for the most part on point grammar. Can't wait for the next chapter.

I hope this helped, at least some!

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Love ya

Matt~




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Points: 481
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Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:54 am
kappahime wrote a review...



This story was phenomenal, normally I don't usually read these types of genre stories but this work was incredible! It was a perfect mix of mystery and action! However, the only negative you might need to consider is that it did not exactly all flow together. Also, the intro and the chp 1 sound as if two different characters are talking you might want to add an exact character POV(Point of View) to make it clear. Also, I noticed you changed your pov to saying "the girl" and then switching to "my sister's face". Perhaps, I read it wrong but I noticed the switching a few times. Other than that, this story was a beautiful piece I can't wait to read the next chp! (*^▽^*)





Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain