Young Writers Society

Hello, Eternity! Londone here for a review.

You've written a good piece that I enjoyed. The idea of it is just a bit cliche, but you've turned it into something better than that.

The poem was saddening for the most part, the idea of a mother leaving her child at such an early age and knowing that she could not care for him. This is a real thing that happens way too often and in my opinion it should be stopped as soon as possible. I think you're reflecting/displaying an experience that changes a lot of children's lives forever.

I felt the pain of the mother who could not do what she had set out to do, and I understood the hate that others felt towards her. But it wasn't well justified. There could have been many reasons why the mother could not care for her child, and I think those against her jumped to conclusions.

The flow of this was very well done, which is rare, and so I applaud you for a very well thought out poem and something that made me happy (because you did well) and sad (because of the poem's message.)

Now on to the small bit of critique.

An issue I had with this is that you seemed to be repeating thoughts and others weren't finished. For example;

as he injected a needle into her arm, pushing
the serum into her veins.

and not as a twin without his
missing sibling.

First, congratulations for a very interesting dramatic poem which introduces some very interesting concepts concerning parenting. Not sure how the title nor the word kindling fit in though since kindling means material used to feed a fire.

https://www.thefreedictionary.com/kindling

My understanding:

The poem seems to convey the idea that a parent’s heart is divided according to the number of children involved. In this case there are two, so the mother feels that she can only love each with half a heart. If there had been four, then the mother would only be able to love each sibling with one-fourth of her heart. So in a gesture of motherly concern she decides to give her son away so that he can be loved with a full heart by someone else.

The ending has her son injecting serum into her veins. This could mean that her son is getting revenge for having been given away. The poem does say that there are those who curse her.

BTW

The poem contains two cliche

First cliche: “....his heart breaks...."


Second cliche: “....this world is your castle,....”

hi. I think it would be easier to read if you broke it up into stanzas (unless you meant it to be that way) I really enjoy how it makes you think and it has deeper meanings hidden in it. Personally, i hate needles but I think that part added a nice dramatic ending,

“this world is your castle, son. find your place and

live it. just know, i love you with

half the heart i have.”

It kinda reminds me of the oyster saying. I'll admit though, im kind of confused XP
When I saw "horror" on the title i thought maybe she was like, half dead?? but i guess not?? The ending make me think of assisted suicide, and she was assisted by her own son who used to be a twin but isn't? hahahha, i also thought, you know the title, "kindling" oh my god!!! I was like, he set his sis on fire???

"my son will grow without his sister that

he kindled with until this day,"

I tried thinking about what "green cotton" could mean, but I cant really get it around my head. Does it have something to do with clothing or in the hospital?

I loved the emotion you put in the poem, it helped push me through it. It was nice to know who was feeling what but I'm a little confused about the why.
Why will she not be his mother?

"hug him when his

heart breaks because of a beauty he

learned to love, and i will not

be his mother.”

but isn't she is mother? Is she not his birth mother? Oh but, I like the part before that, I think i kinda understand that one.


"hug him when his

heart breaks because of a beauty he

learned to love,"

Does it mean, he'll fall in love with someone really good looking and then be completely crushed (emotionally) by them?? The hidden meanings are great to think about and it's fun to see what they might mean and how they connect to the rest of the poem.

I think all you need is some more clarification, and break up the lines into stanzas and it'll be really good, (this feels weird, telling somebody who's older than me to fix something" bleehhh. I feel bad. Okay, well i hope my review helped a little bit at least. If i stepped on a nerve, just send a message, and i'll know to be careful in the future, (really, if i offended you i need to know) or else i'll worry until i die.

bye -Lolo

I really feel the emotion behind this piece it has mixed feelings that of anger ,pain,regretsand above all the hope that everything is going yo be alright

I really feel the emotion behind this piece it has mixed feelings that of anger ,pain,regretsand above all the hope that everything is going yo be alright