Burning

Heya, babe. I'm here to do a review for you! I'll be doing an overall review this time instead of nitpicking.

Let's start off with flow. When I rapped this in my head, it seems to be consistent. And what I mean by this is that every line, every word is rapped exactly the same. But I guess I think this because I'm used to your style by now. Here's a tip- that's a no no. What I mean by this is if everything sounds the same, people grow bored. Now, if you could rap this and post it or show me, I could tell more about it and I could be wrong in my initial observation. But I don't think I am. Mix up the flow, get a little diverse, try new things out. Speed up and slow down, play around with syllables. Find your comfort zone and go beyond that, and see what you can do. It might be trash the first few times, yeah, but practice(like in anything) makes perfect, so all you have to do is work at it. Anyway, onward.

The next thing would be rhyme. You're sticking to basic rhyme schemes with no complexity, and your internal rhymes are really external- considering there's a comma between most internal rhymes. I would suggest switching up the words you're rhyming, and switching up your rhyme scheme. Play around, throw around some weird verses, and make it stick. Yes, it might be crap, but you can figure out what works and what doesn't. I'd like to see where you go.

Your message in this is strong, and I like that. I don't see a lot of rap nowadays that actually has meaning to it, and I'm glad this one does.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Love, Matt

I don't know much about rap and any concrit I could have given has already been said, so I just want to leave kudos. This is very well done.

Wow this is amazing. I'm awful at reviewing anything non-novel stuff because I'm never sure what to focus on, but since this is so well-written, I'll try to help you. First off, I actually really love the title of this, even if it is a little simplistic, I've always been fascinated of the comparison and contrast between water and fire, in this case drowning and burning. I also really like the first few opening lines of the first section - that really drew me in quickly and you did a good job of establishing the overall idea you seem to really expand on throughout the rap. Out of the whole poem, I may enjoy the chorus the most only because it's seems so catchy and I can almost hear a beat when I read those four lines. The one thing I appreciate is that even though a lot of this poem is reflecting on a lot of negative stuff, having it end on the chorus after the line "I'm trying to live, but I'm damn right worthless," leaves a hint of hope and a possible happy outcome in the future. Or at least it does to me, and I feel that this is something a lot more songs and such should have with how negative people are on a universal level.

Can I just say that I absolutely love every single lyric in this? All of the imagery and metaphors and I was blown away by how magnificently you draw the reader into the speaker's mindset. Bravo for sure! You two also did an amazing job on rhyming, which is a feat not easily done, so kudos on that note. The only times there weren't really rhymed words were in the second verse "When will I get better? When will I heal?" but that's how you guys wrote it so that's perfectly fine! In addition, the last line of the chorus didn't rhyme with the previous line, but I've now noticed that it does rhyme with itself "Tryin' to survive," sort of rhymes with "tryin' to keep the hope alive." I'm totally fine with it written that way, but it doesn't match with the rhyming pattern you established in every other part of this song, so it stood out to me, at least. I love that you threw in "Heaven, Hell, and God," that was a nice addition to the overall idea of this song, and to add more to the imagery and all that.

Overall, this is so well-done and wow you did such a good job! I couldn't really find anything wrong with this, but I hope this review helped at least a little, in someway. You both are fabulous lyricists and I'm definitely impressed. Let's bring on 2017, woo! All in all, this is just really great!

Alrighty, I've been freestyling and rapping for a few years, mostly just drunk at parties but I also am a genuine lover of rap. I'm just giving a few quick credentials before you read this review.
I read this and it mostly just sounded like a poem. The flow was definitely there but some places it seemed like it would work better at slam poetry. I think one thing you should try to do a bit more it rhyme the middle of a line with the middle of another line as well as the end. Someone who does this really well is Kendrick Lamar and J cole. Mostly Kendrick though tbh.
"I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015
Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean
Been feeling this way since I was 16, came to my senses
You never liked us anyway, f*** your friendship, I meant it"
This is from Blacker the Berry (dope song btw)
Study this kind of rhyme scheme. It'll give you a next level flow that turns a poem into a rap. I think the part you did this the best at was lines 5-10 where you switched up your flow but then you kind of went back into the AA AA style where you rhyme the end word of each line with the end word of each lines.
What I'm really trying to get at is, if I highlighted all the words that rhymed, they'd all come at the very end of each line. There wouldn't be much highlighting in the middle of each line. It's a common trap for beginning rappers but definitely one you can break out of.
In all, I thought the content was good, but a little depressing. I like rap about real stuff, but I think that the best thing about rap is exercising those emotions. You don't talk about being sad, you talk s*** about what's making you sad.
If you listen to most rap, it's not an exposition of what's making you sad or of emotion necessarily, it's like a clap back at what's making you sad.
It's not crying about police brutality, it's about talking s*** about police brutality.
It's not being sad over a woman leaving you (except drake) it's a clap back at that B**** who cheated.
I'm not saying don't be emotional, I'm just saying be confident in your raps, be hard and be a b*****. Save the feelings for the poetry. Like when I rapped this, I had to do it to like unthinkable by alicia keys or pound cake by drake. Next time you write, get into a p***** off mood, listen to some trap instrumentals or some really just raw instrumentals, and just go off on your problems like a bomb. You got this, the skill is there. Just come back with something that's going to leave your problems in a bloody mess, instead of making you look like the victim.

My sister sang this as a rap song and this is awesome!