knocking these walls in with my fists,
a pit in my stomach, ripped skin on my knuckles,
scars on my skin, pain in my lungs,
blood on my thighs, tears in my eyes,
so oblivion to the reality of the world.
i'm not the same with this absence in my life,
but i've seen it all, i've been around,
when you told me you had to leave,
i felt like i couldn't breathe,
i wish i could find the person i used to be.
but she's gone now.
nothing ever goes as planned,
people say goodbye,
in their own special way.
a promise to break,
a heart to shatter,
igniting it with a spark,
and i've been trying to forget you,
but just when i think it's easy to move on,
reality hits me like a boulder and all i can think about is you,
you're the reason that i'm alive,
and you're what i can't seem to live without.
you'll be okay, darling, just breathe.
my heart is stopping, my lungs are closing.
i've got to leave for awhile.
i swear there's something out there, i'm so scared.
maybe one day i'll be back.
in the darkest nights, will you be my stars?
i know you're crying, but just breathe.
when i call out your name, you're no where to be found.
i've got to go now, i love you.
i'm lost without you here.
just breathe.
I'm somewhere flying high,
somewhere wishing upon these stars,
hoping that one day your heart will not pull you every which way,
but darling I'll be here waiting.
every time I've fallen,
even when my world's shattered,
my heart is still beating,
you've been running around with a ghost again.
you've been tearing up these walls with your bare fists,
but I'm not gonna give up on you.
the moon will still pull the tides,
the sun will still rise and fall,
the stars will still shimmer,
and my time will never run out.
I will walk the ends of this earth for you,
I will walk to you to hold you in my embrace,
make sure you're okay,
darling no matter what,
my love for you will never seize.
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139,235 Literary Works • 672,518 Reviews
I'm crying so hard right now
This is everything I want to say to 'him' and this is everything he doesn't know
I'm trying to weakly will myself to just breathe, darling just breathe and it's hard and I'm sorry, your words have touched me so much
Hey there! I loved the poem! Here are a few notes I've taken while reading it. I'm going to take this by each stanza.
I feel like on the last line, instead of using the word "oblivion", you could say "oblivious" instead.
Alright, a few notes on this one. When you say "and i've been trying to forget you", I feel like if you remove the word "and", the line would flow a lot easier. Same with the line "reality hits me like a boulder and all i can think about is you". What if you remove "and", and make the part "all i can think about is you", a line on its own? And with the last line, this is the same remark, I feel like if you remove "and", it'll work a lot easier: "you're what i can't seem to live without".
And those are all my notes! For the stanzas that I didn't quote, it means I loved them and had nothing to offer! Overall, you've written a great poem here! I loved it!
Hey there! This is really good, but I have a couple of things I want to touch up on.
First off, I think you typoed in the last line of the first stanza. I'm pretty sure that it should be "oblivious" instead of "oblivion." I kind of feel that you could switch the first two stanzas because you could have an opportunity to contrast the type of person you were in the presence of your loved one to the one without them. Being able to do this could help paint a better picture in your readers who are trying to imagine how much the narrator has changed due to what's happened. I myself like being able to compare things, but everyone has their different tastes, so by all means, choose your own way.
I'm pretty sure "no where" can be combined into "nowhere." Let's see - maybe I'm just really unobservant, but shouldn't the line "your heart will not pull you every which way" be "my heart will not pull me" since the narrator's reflecting upon their own life? Or maybe it could be "your heart will not pull me" since the next line goes back to their love for their significant other? I'm a little confused by that line three since as of right now, the first part of that last stanza really doesn't seem very connected to the other section. If you modified that third line a little, then I think you'd be able to connect the two parts more, as keep the poem flowing.
Overall, this is really good! The imagery and the italics use was very well-done. I hope this review helped!
Hi, here with a review. I really liked your rhyme scheme, and the tittle really drew my attention. I liked how you've described the pain this person goes through. It's full of imagery but maybe you could say who exactly the person is looking for and what this person actually looks like.... i don't know I feel that it's important but you may disagree. Overall, the poem flowed and I really enjoyed it. Keep writing!
~Rosy234
Hi!
I really love your rhyming because it is very unconventional and shifts every stanza and line. I don't know if this is your intention, but if it is it's working really well. I myself don't really go into the romance genre very much (at all) and excuse me if this is rude but I feel as though your poem is a bit stereotypical. It's your writing is beautiful and I feel that maybe if you applied your skills to another theme it would turn out amazing!
Then again I have a personal preference for the different and unique so I'm a bit biased.
Best wishes!!