the librarian of parkour paradise

Hello, Holysocks! I've been looking for a piece to provide my 150th review (eeeee 4 stars), and I took a look at this poem and thought it'd be perfect. As in, yes, I do like it. Well done! This is a particularly emotional and complex work, in the sense that you are able to provide a long series of vivid images to stitch together your scenes. It's clear, profound, and complicated in this regard, from start to finish, and made this piece so excellent to read. In particular, I loved the description of the blade placed like a pencil would, drawing blood from testaments to the sun. This helped give the work that dark tone that you establish and expand upon when describing the main character as he falls and how he has been destroyed, while providing a stunning conclusion to the first stanza that keeps the audience curious to read more. Layers upon layers of visions, such as the brick-like memories being compared to the aforementioned blade, only add to the general mood and theme of the poem while drawing awe from the audience due to its complexity. It is certainly not the easiest piece to digest, but that isn't the point, is it?

I dunno, the emotions of this piece are easily my favorite part. The main character is clearly in an awful, horrible situation, facing past regrets and memories as they plummet to their doom. The third stanza only exemplifies this sentiment in a provocative way. This is a dark piece, and indeed a tragic one, from beginning to finish. Those final lines were especially vivid and memorable, as it gave me the impression of a sunny, almost ironic contrast to what is otherwise a bleak and gloomy scene involving bees, of all things. I do, however, would like to provide a few suggestions, though I found this work fantastic. In particular, I'm not sure if "gripped" in the first line is in the correct tense. This work seems to be marginally in the present tense, save for past memories that are described appropriately, and the use of "gripped" seems to imply that it is one of the present events of the story. Would "grip" be more appropriate? Too, given the main character of this poem is referred to as "he," I'm not sure the usage of "and you're skydiving into" in the third stanza fits either. I mean, in every other instance, "he" is used instead (save for the "I love you" part, but, given that's an expression not directly at the main character - at least, not precisely - it's perfectly fine).

Lastly, I wouldn't worry too much about your line breaks. Yes, they do occasionally make the piece awkward or flow in an imprecise fashion, but that actually adds to the general impression I got of the poem and its ever-flowing imagery. The major stanzas are tied together, yet not directly - it is only when one looks through and notices the many instances of common themes and similar ideas that they notice the subtle connections that form the backbone of this piece. Having those line breaks only deepens those small, though vivid, links. Besides, when I read it, as you mentioned, like somebody about to turn a page, it actually improves my impressions of the poem. As I read in this fashion, the story behind the poem pulls me along, providing miniature climaxes as it leads me from page to page, so that I enjoy the piece and its ideas further by making me eager to see more, or emphasizing specific ideas and their conclusions. Thus, while the line breaks here do sometimes interrupt my train of thought, their execution is sound and well done.

All in all, well done! The most I can say about this poem in a negative regard is mostly just nitpicking; this is a solid, emotional, vivid composition, and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish! Thank you for presenting this piece!

Heyo! Catalyst here for a review!

*Lights flare as Catalyst steps on stage, microphone in hand, baton in the other*

Right!
I really enjoyed this little piece. Firstly, I'll address the "Page turning" affect to mentioned. This is actually a really interesting and creative way to simulate that organic pause as the page turns. On the other hand, that same page turn usually breaks the flow of a story slightly, and to be honest, it sort of does the same here, making the reader stumble over the words. On the other hand, as a one time gimmick, it's a fine little inclusion in the poem. Although I'd love to see it used like this--
And turning the page of
the book, his rasping voice,
ect, ect.

Anyway, onto the piece itself--
Honestly, if there's a coherent story here, I didn't pick it up. However, this piece does a fantastic job of selling raw emotion and feeling to the reader. Lines like--

"half a centimetre left-
and you're skydiving into
asphalt-
and torn bills
ride the waves
of secondhand tattoo ink."

--Do an excellent job of capturing the fast-pace movement and adrenaline of parkour.
I do think that the line breaks aren't the only slightly awkward part of the text though. A lot of it just didn't flow quite as well as the line above, which it really has to for this kind of theme.

"fingers gripped bricks
memories of fractures
impaling him from within
akin to the blade"

This in particular just didn't flow very well for me. It needs to sell some more movement and energy for this kind of thing.

Overall? Great piece, I enjoyed it plenty. Keep up the excellent work!