Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Science Fiction


the boy who tasted fear

by Holysocks


                                             he was a boy inside a man's body,

                                                          trapped by youth,

                                                                 he died.

                                                          they revived him,

                                                               lied to him,

                                                       experimented on him.

                                                  now he knows what you feel,

                                                             he can taste it,

                                                        his tongue burns of it.

                                                      his love is a child's love,

                                                             unpredictable,

                                                       unsure of its purpose.

                                                  his mind floats in the clouds,

                                                             only searching,

                                                         his mother lays there.

                                                       now he has broken free,

                                                           the dead shall rest,

                                                           pray he saves you.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:57 pm
arzishh says...



hmmm.
I see but I really cant imagine all these in a poetry the important thing is to imagine




Holysocks says...


Yeah, it's kind of a lame poem, but, ah.



User avatar
60 Reviews


Points: 1044
Reviews: 60

Donate
Wed Nov 12, 2014 5:52 pm
View Likes
kingofeli wrote a review...



This is a nice poem--it kind of scares me, which seems like that's the purpose of the poem. I do enjoy scary-sounding stuff though, and this poem has a very strong, very nice structure, which I like. Somehow, the centering of the poem seems to add to the suspense and darkness of the poem, though I'm not quite sure why that is. You seem to be a very talented author and I'm sad that you only have three other works, it looks like (I could be wrong). This is a very good poem and I can't really think of anything that should be changed or edited; I like it as it is. A definite 9/10, only because I wish it were a little longer, describing the boy/man more, and possibly his mother.
Keep on writing!




Holysocks says...


Well thank you! :-P

The side bar just shows the amount of poetry I've written. I don't write poetry on purpose because I don't enjoy it the way I do writing stories. I have more works in other folders. :-D



User avatar
45 Reviews


Points: 1657
Reviews: 45

Donate
Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:35 am
View Likes
TigersMoon wrote a review...



I really liked this piece. That's all I wanted to say here.

Capital in first line, second line, third line, capital in every line. This takes away from the poem, but not too much. I just wanted to warn you.

"trapped by youth,he died." Did he die because he was in a man's body? I thought he was a child, making him immortal. Just one of my crazy predictions. Curious to know, though.

"now he knows what you feel, he can taste it, his tongue burns of it." Does it always burn? When he tastes sad, is more subtle. Just personal questions and me thinking on and on.

"now he has broken free, the dead shall rest," I didn't understand this, but I liked it. I'm unable to tell you why. It's just... Pretty and calm but full of force.

Mostly importantly in this piece, you need capitals. That's the biggest part. I know poems have somewhat different rules than other texts, but I believe capitals are no question.

Overall, I'd say it was well put together and entertaining (save for the last part). I'm glad I had the pleasure of reading this.

-M.P. Tigers




Holysocks says...


Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I chose not to have any capitals, you are allowed to do that in poetry. Thank you though! :-D

It's kind of random because it's based on a character in my NaNo novel.



User avatar
78 Reviews


Points: 855
Reviews: 78

Donate
Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:30 pm
View Likes
TiffanyToy wrote a review...



Hey, HS! Here to review!

So, I really love this! But there are some minor spelling/grammatical mistakes that are common.

1. In the first line, there should be a capital.

2. Maybe after boy and before trapped in a man's body put a comma. That may make this sound more poetic.

3. Line 4, just a capital.

4. Line 7, still only need a capital.

5. Line 10, capital.

6. 13 and 16, capitals.

7. I really like the whole thing, though! But, can you explain the ending? It's nothing personal, it's just that I don't exactly understand.

Thanks!

See? Only minor details.

So, thanks for giving me the pleasure of reading this!

~Tiff




Holysocks says...


Thanks Tiffany! The no capitals was on purpose, but thanks! :-P

I know it's kind of confusing, it's for my novel... so it's a bunch of random things about my MC. The ending is because in the story I'm working on his purpose is to save people, like a superhero kind of. :-D



TiffanyToy says...


Ohhhhh! *changes subject quickly!!* so, luv that avatar u got.

Lol, now I understand. That makes sense!

Thanks for the enlightenment!



Holysocks says...


No problem, thanks again! :-D




“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451