This is how my bones sound,
as they bend, and sometimes break.
This is how my brain sounds,
as gears turn, and rust.
This is how my digits sound,
as they hold, and yearn to take.
This is how my eye sounds,
as it gazes upon the dust.
This is how my arms sound,
as they fold, above my chest.
This is how my height sounds,
as I stretch, and grow the rest.
This is how I sound,
as tears roll down my cheeks.
The pain and hurt that's caused, by jerks, and bitter freaks.
This is how I'd sound, if I were a princess. This is how I'd sound, if I were a prince. This is how
I'd sound if I were a monster...
If I were a moose, if I were a wish, if I were a snowflake, if I were a post card, if I were a smile or a
brick wall.
This is how I'd sound.
If I were a giant, man-eating
helicopter, that yelled out knock, knock, jokes...
This is how I'd sound.
So guess, guess not what I am, cause I could be anything.
But, guess what you are.
You're... deaf.
Metaphorically.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wesh, Jade here to review. I know this is oooolllldddd but I read it and wanted to give just my overall thoughts:
I love the weird format because it adds to the uniqueness. The flow is all over the place but I didn't have to re-read anything. Some parts were a bit weird, like the man-eating helicopter that yelled knock-knock jokes....
I like how this is deep but yet lighthearted. Thanks for writing this!
AGAIN, I know this is old but I'm bored XD.
-JadeLotus-
Hey! I actually found this poem quite refreshing. Of course there are a few technicalities that could be corrected- but I'm going to focus on content. Overall this is dealing with a quite depressing topic, yet it addresses it on a much lighter level, which I find quite interesting. I think it is something that people do in every day life really, joke about things, gloss it over to make ourselves feel better. I like how you related the senses, hearing things that of course could never be literally heard.
One suggestion i have is to maybe leave out the 'metaphorically' at the end. I feel like you've made your point clear enough throughout that your audience will understand.
Keep writing! Your style is unique. I like it
Thanks for your kind words, and taking time to review my poem!
Hi Holysocks. My first thought at the end of this poem was "Wow! That's deep". Does this poem mean that you're annoyed that you feel no one hears you, or...?
It's very creative and dramatic with things I wasn't expecting, like the "man eating helicopter screaming knock, knock jokes". But overall it was a could poem, and if it means what I think, we can all relate. Also what does "Metaphorically" mean, I was thinking more along the lines of mentally or figuratively deaf?
Thank you! Yes, this might be some frustration coming out! But I just kind of got this idea... It wasn't really meant for me to be venting, though, you know how it goes.
Metaphorically, because I didn't want people to think that The poem was actually frustrated with some one who was deaf. I also Liked the way it sounded at the end.
Thank you, sooo much for the feed back!
Hey! I have to say that this is a very unique poem. There were a few that seem off to me, but makes it stand out from the rest. However, I notified a few things that you may want to alter. the first I noticed off was this line.
"as they bend, and sometimes brake."
I was confused on this, but I think you meant: "as they bend, and sometimes break."
also this paragraph: This is how I'd sound, if I were a princess. This is how I'd sound, if I were a prince. This is how
I'd sound if I were a monster...
If I were a moose, if I were a wish, if I were a snowflake, if I were a post card, if I were a smile or a
brick wall.
This is how I'd sound.
If I were a giant, man-eating
helicopter, that yelled out knock, knock, jokes...
This is how I'd sound.
So guess, guess not what I am, cause I could be anything.
But, guess what you are.
You're... deaf.
Metaphorically.
This should be spaced just as evenly as the rest. and on a side note, the man-eating helicopter kinda took out the emotion I was feeling up until then. asides from that, I found it to be quite humorous and emotional at the same time. Except for the man-eating helicopter part. Just saying.
Thanks for reviewing my work! I think I will take out that bit about the helicopter.
And thanks for correcting me on 'break'.
Anytime, friend:)
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