He stares at me,
eyes forlorn.
He asks me who he is-
does he really not know?
He tells me he's popular,
and through that mist,
he can't figure out,
just who he is.
So I tell him.
You,
are the artist,
worker,
thinker,
wonderer,
inventor,
dreamer,
but,most of all,
who you want to be.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Ohh....
I see Ayden in this everywhere...
Alrighty, remember spaces after a comma...
I really like this Ayden.... Another excellent poem from you. I really like it.
Well, I can find nothing more to say then, awesome job.
Happy Review Day June 2013
Thanks Ayden!
pegasusgirl2
I really like this poem because it was short, simple and very inspiring. I like the beginning, and the last line was very touching. I liked how you listed all the things that he could be if he wanted (or is). I found it really nice and I think more poems should be written like this.
Deanie x
Hey there! Your poem was amazing, really. Although it was small and simple it was very fulfilling. At times, I think you were very keen on using a hyperbol that kind of made the poem a drag. Like for the part where you mentioned that he is a worker, thinker, inventor et cetra et cetra, it kind of got tiring scrolling down just to find one word.
So you might want to work on that. Other than that, well done!
Keep rhyming!
-JT
Wow, quite a nice sweet little poem. Nice and small, because of its size and simplicity I can't really say much. The grammar seems sound and so is the flow of the poem. I like that shape of it, although I feel like there is no reason for a fancy shape. Although it is short I don't think you should add more, its good as it is.
Because it's quite simple it doesn't have the complex techniques, although maybe a more defined rhythm or something like alteration could have added something extra but honestly it's not needed.
This is fantastic!