Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
It's about my
too-big breasts
and
too-small hands,
the way my face lacks
the hair I so desperately crave,
wishing that I'll one day wake up
in the body I was meant to have.
It's about the way I envy flat-chested boys
as they walk past,
and the way I want my hands to know
what it feels like to be covered in grease,
and my neck beading with sweat.
The way I want to go outside shirtless to feel
the sun on my back.
I don't wish for much in this world.
In fact, there's very few hopes that this
sick and twisted bullshit world and thing they call
'society'
haven't beaten out of me
like they beat a rabid animal,
an animal that only wishes to be loved
because it can't help that it was infected,
just like I can't help the fact that I was born in the wrong body.
I wish to be called by my name,
Ayden,
A-y-d-e-n.
The name I know I should have been born with
when I was born with these too-small hands,
destined to grow up in this body I hated
and the tag I despised,
'she,'
'her,'
'Alexandra,'
the name I hated most because Alexandra wasn't who I was
and isn't who I am
because I am Ayden, I am the boy stuck inside this female body
screaming and crying and kicking to be let out
like a newborn kicks inside the womb.
I am Ayden, and to be seen as who I really am
is the only wish I have left.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hello, LLST. Happy Review Day!
First, grammar. That's just the way things work with me. Now, let me warn you, I don't know much about the grammatical workings of poetry, so I will only point out what I think is wrong and what doesn't quite read right. Alright, let's jump in.
I split up the third line of this stanza at the word "and". The way it was originally, it messed up the poem's flow and rhythm. The same goes for the addition of "an animal" in its respective line.
The same goes for this correction as the one before it. When you have a stanza comprised primarily of short, curt lines, it disrupts the balance and tempo of the poem when you insert intrusive, long lines. My suggestion is to simply break up the long lines to create a smoother flow. Also, I suggest putting a period at the end of this stanza and beginning the next one as a new sentence.
Same song and dance.
~
This poem is extremely well written. It was emotional and true. There's so much about this poem that would appeal to different people around the world. This is a really great poem, honestly, and I loved it.
-RP
So these two lines are something that are kind of overused. I'd really love for you to fix them so they match the individuality of the rest of the poem. Not wishing for much still means you wish for something, and one way to look at wishes, is that there shouldn't be any because they always turn out backwards.
That being said, I suggest you use want. "I don't want for much, in fact/ there are very few hopes that this..." I cut off the end of that line because in this world really implies that there is another world, and that's debatable. There's also the problem of 'in this world' being another really, used phrase. Pairing it with want instead of wish will only help so much because they both start with W. Hopefully you can find your own pair that will completely break the phrase.
I also changed it to are instead of is because hopes are plural. A single hope is singular though. You have hopes, so it's plural. I like the idea of spending all of your hopes, or all of your chips on one thing.
Overall, I really like this poem. It gives a good insight into the mind of Ayden vs Alexandra, and it also uses patterns well. I might suggest more periods, but that's up to you really. Breaking up sentences could help with the lengthy phrases. You get rid of because, but, and, etc. and those can take up a lot of room.
Love this, love this, love this!!!! Made me cry and left a good impression. Just want to ask, do you wish to be a boy in real life or was it just in this poem? Also in the beginning I at first had no idea this was going to be about wanting to be a boy. I thought it was going to be about bullying or something like that. But this was different from others, unique. I've never seen a poem about this topic. Remember unique is good, especially in writing. Unique makes readers read more because it's something they never seen before. This was awesome!!!!!
This is so beautiful. I love how you packed such raw emotion into simple sentences. I especially like where you spell out A-y-d-e-n and reiterate that THAT is your name. I also like your simile of the newborn in a womb. I really have no complaints other than maybe revise your punctuation, but that didn't detract from the poem in any way. I really can give nothing but praise to this. I liked the part where you said:
"and the tag I despised,
'she,'
'her,'
'Alexandra,"
I like that because to anyone who didn't read the rest of the poem, they would be confused, but it is such a powerful line. Good work!
Wow, just wow.
i wish that could help.
From the beging, I could have related to this story. Never satisfied, always feeling that something was wrong or missing.
This is so emotional, and i love it. Its a story that speaks for many out there, i know it. Not only the trapped, but the insecure. This is a stand.
I feel so bad for Ayden
P.s. Its funny, a character in my book is named Ayden, and he's an awesome boy. I dont know if that encourages you :') .
Ayden is LyingLipsShinyTeeth xD
This...leaves me speechless. Ayden, you are an amazing writer. No matter what you look like or what they think you are truly amazing. I think I'm crying right now...wow. This moved me. And I hope you are proud that this has made people *cry*. I have never read a poem and cried. Ayden, don't let anyone ever tell you you're ugly. Don't allow it. -I- won't allow it. And I will be praying that you get everything you want in life Ayden because you deserve it. Ayden you deserve it all. It kills me right now to see that you're that sad. You are an amazing person Ayden, and you were born to write this poem. Born to write.
Thanks for reading until here <3
~Belle
WOW.
Ayden,
I really..
Feel your emotion in this.... Its just...
Wow.
It speaks and screams you.
It shows your struggles.
And your wish..
I'm simply. Just.
Wow.
This is really great.
I really. Just, this is amazing Ayden.
And, I won't call you Alexandra.
I'll always call you Ayden,
because, that's you, Ayden.
Your Friend,
pegasusgirl2
I've read dozens of poems but none of them ever made me cry. I balled when I read this. You are such a brave person Ayden
I love your name and I love the way you write. Your poem exudes a kind of beauty that I cannot describe in words but I will try. 
Xxx, Claire
"I don't wish for much in this world.
In fact, there's very few hopes that this
sick and twisted bullshit world and thing they call
'society'
haven't beaten out of me
like they beat a rabid animal,
an animal that only wishes to be loved
because it can't help that it was infected,
just like I can't help the fact that I was born in the wrong body." This part I can totally relate to, its brilliant. I love the way you can just feel the emotion in this poem, your anger and what you're going through.I don't even know you but I have an immense amount of respect for you. You have an incredible talent. Good luck and keep posting