Young Writers Society

What a beautiful and emotional poem, Ayden! I loved it!

This poem was so full of energy and personality. You had such great imagery and I could picture everything you described so well. I loved how you described all the ups and downs and inbetweens of finding yourself and becoming who you were always meant to be. You created an image in readers' minds of turning yourself inside out to show how you feel on the inside and how you are becoming that person on the outside, too. You had beautiful word choice that told your story perfectly. You didn't have any spelling, capitalization, grammar, or formatting errors. Your use of punctuation was very strategic to add emphasis and increase the impact on readers.

I'd really like to offer some improvements, but I can't think of anything that could improve this poem. You clearly took your time to edit it and it payed off!

This poem took me on quite an emotional trip. I felt your frustration, joy, anger, sadness, hope, pain, fear, contentedness, doubt, and satisfaction. Your words brought so many feelings to me! I absolutely love the way you write!
*likes*

Hey,
Yet again, you have done this amazing thing with words, Ayden.

I can feel the struggles once again, I feel the aches and pains.

This is just a really good poem. I can't seem to find the words on how amazing this really is Ayden.

Once again, you've shown us, how you feel, and, in a sense, about how you feel about yourself, which this poem offers as well.

I just, wow.

It's really good dude.

Your Friend,

pegasusgirl2

Hey there, Teeth.

This is really quite good. I really enjoyed reading it. Are you really just fourteen? Because you've got talent beyond your years.

Okay, this is kind of a love poem, but it's also about discovering who you yourself are. I think it might serve you better if you divide this into two parts, one about Ayden, and one about yourself. It's all mixed in together, and I want to see you and then Ayden, not together. But that's my opinion, and you should feel free to ignore that advice if you want. But if you were going to do that, I'd divide it with numerals. Like a part I and part II.

I also think that you should personalize this more. I can remember feeling the same way at your age, and if you had more of just yourself in the poem, and not a bunch of teenagers, it would make it a little more interesting for me. Not that it's not interesting now. I love it. I really do.

For me, the beginning is stronger than the end. The first two stanzas are like, WHOA. YES. And it's still good throughout the whole poem, but at the beginning (and 5am and crashing) we find the strength in the poem. The images are what make it strong. Here are the best stanzas:

It's about school and
tests,
laughter and
held back tears and
counting down the days to
high school.

It's about late nights
with her, with old scars
and scary memories
I'd rather avoid

Deleted conversations
tear stained pillows

The screams into silence
afraid of confrontation
turn the volume louder.

It's about doubts and fears
and poetry and thoughts and
hate and love.

It's crushes and
lack of sleep,
wondering if I'm on
anyone's mind

like she's on mine.

This was very coherent for something written in the wee hours of the morning!! I wake from a dead sleep to write something down all the time, so I completely know where you're coming from. I thought this was very strong. A few iffy line breaks and spelling errors, but other than that this was lovely. Your first stanza is by far the best. Love "dysphoria." Also, "5 am and crashing" is just beautiful. I like this little fragment here, and I think this poem would be even better if you had more of these types of vague but ambiguous liners inserted throughout the poem, instead of all thorough sentences and complete thoughts throughout. I think the last stanza is really unnecessary. You could just end the poem on:

was put here (for).

I really enjoined this poem. It's the perfect size, for me at least. It has no flaws that I noticed. Also it must have taken you a reasonable amount of time to write a poem that doesn't seem to be about anything in particular. Again, I really enjoined this poem. Keep up the good work.

I like this poem:) You did well:)