Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
The room was silent. Abraham separated his Ramen noodles with his fork, knowing Jordan was staring at him but not bothering to say anything. He felt the ghost of hands down his back. He took a drink of his tea.
Jordan sighed, turning on the TV, looking at Abraham and surprised by his non-reaction. Her best friend usually hated any TV, and for him to not hiss at it was unusual.
“How have your friends been?” she asked.
“Good.” He paused, vision crossing, drifting. Bright spots. A few creatures- black and hateful, hissing- and the face of Cole. He blinked, willing it away. His ears began to ring. He made a noise of distress.
Jordan gripped his arm, and the touch seemed to snap him out of it. He pulled away, taking a defensive bite of his noodles.
She stood, disappearing and returning with a handful of pills. She held them out to him. He stared at her.
“What are those?”
“Your medication. You need to take it.”
“No.”
“Abraham.”
“It’s evil.” He hissed. She growled.
“Take them.”
“No!”
She put her hand against his mouth, forcing it open and ignoring the way he struggled. He pushed at her, screaming muffled. She held on tight, managing to shove the pills down his throat before climbing off him. He made a choking noise, heaving.
“Drink your tea.”
He did so, swallowing nearly the entire cup. “N-now my throat hurts.” He whined.
“You need to take your medicine next time.” She looked at him, gaze softening. “It’s for your own good, Abe.”
He snorted, and ate his noodles quietly, feeling hands ghost across his shoulders and down his arm. Cole’s voice snickered in his ear. “Gonna fuck yourself tonight.”
His fork hit the bowl with a clatter, his nostrils flaring. “Fuck you!”
Jordan started. “What did I do?”
He whirled to face her, calming almost immediately. He didn’t want to freak her out. “Nothing. Just seeing stuff.”
“One of your friends piss you off?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He stabbed his noodles with his fork. Jordan leaned back, worry in her eyes.
“You sure?”
“Leave it the fuck alone.” He snapped, and turned the TV up. Jordan sighed.
A few minutes passed. He sat down his bowl, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “I’m sorry. Schoolwork has me stressed.”
She nodded, smiling at him. “Don’t worry about it. Really.”
“I know I’m a dick.”
“You’re not.” She promised, watching him pick up his bowl again. Worry was etched into every detail of her face.
Abraham leaned back on the couch, setting his bowl in his lap. He just needed to calm down, sleep for a little bit when he was finished. Get away from this world for a while and get back to one he actually liked, one where he wasn’t hated.
He stared at the back of his eyelids, waiting, wishing for sleep. At least Reese thought everything was fine. Ever since the day of the breakdown, Abraham had been doing his best to show that he wasn’t insane.
He opened his eyes. The room began to spin, everything fall out of place into a blur of colors. His ears began to ring again, his throat beginning to burn as he gasped for breath. His hand fisted in the sheet, his body convulsing. He slammed his hand down, whining under his breath. He thrashed, curling into the fetal position. He felt hands pull at his clothes, his hair, his skin. His chest tightened. He raked his nails up his thighs, screaming.
“Kill me!”
The door opened, the light flashing on. Another pair of hands brushed against him. shaking him. Someone was saying his name.
“Dad?”
Everything came spinning into focus at once. Abraham blinked up at Reese, who was staring at him with worry in his eyes as he held him close. Abraham sat up, clearing his throat.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” Abraham said, a little too quickly.
“I’m gonna go get your medication.”
“No! I mean, um. It was just a bad dream. Can you get me some sleep medicine?”
Reese paused, then nodded, disappearing out the door. Abraham leaned back, trying to calm himself.
Reese returned, giving him the liquid medicine. Abraham swallowed it as fast as possible before turning on his side, curling under the covers.
With a sigh, Reese turned out the light and closed the door behind him.
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Me again! Back to review chapter 3 for review day
“His fork hit the bowl with a clatter, his nostrils flaring. “Fuck you!” - I think this bowl could have been thrown against the wall...much more dramatic!
I'm still hating Cole with everything I have!
“He opened his eyes.” - Suddenly we're back in Abe's bedroom and I'm not sure how we got here. I'm a little confused. I think you need to make a little clearer when you swap scenes.
I think you could have ended this chapter in a different way as nothing really happens in this chapter like it did in the last one.
I agree with Shadowings where she suggests maybe setting Cole's speech apart with Italics. It would be easier to see that this dialogue really is something that only Abe can here and not Jordan or Reese!
Overall – Good job! You've still got me interested!
Olive <3
Wowie!
This was nice! Awesome!
I found a few things that could use a wee bit of work.
Maybe you should put 'She growled' after her own dialogue, so we know she's not standing there, growling at her friend who obviously has some form of disorder? Right? Okay, it's up to you whether or not to do it, but that's just my own opinion.
What are the ghost of hands? Does he feel the shape of hands on his back? Explain this more so we get an understanding, some might think he sees ghosts!
Jordan just forced meds down his throat and told him it was for his own good, would he snort? Or would he scoff the idea? Snorting might hurt his already hurt throat, just think about it. It's your choose here.
Overall it's a nice chapter. It shows that Jordan cares about Abe, and that Abe and Cole some how have a bad history together. Maybe when Cole 'talks/snickered' to him, it should be italics, so we know it's not being said to anyone else besides Jordan, unless we stay fixated on Abe throughout the story/novel..
This was good! I'm glad you have inspiration!
Thanks,
ShadowWings
Hi there! Me again.
Chapter 3
I really like this description. It's specific, but not over done. Good job with that.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter. It was a good insight into Jordan's character as well as developing Abraham some more. I know a lot more about both of them now as well as more about their friendship. It's obvious that Jordan cares about Abraham which is why she was so forceful with the medicine.
There is one little thing I want to comment on before I review chapter 4 though. Why would Reese tell the psychiatrist that Abraham is doing better? In the previous chapter, Abraham had a freak out (for lack of a better word) and Reese was there to witness it. I feel like that's not making progress. But then again, that's just me. Reese obviously sees it differently than I do.
Chapter 4
I'm going to need Abraham to stand up to Cole. Argh, that imaginary boy is really, really pissing me off!!! (sorry, fan moment. Now back to the review)
That's quite a jump there. Just a second ago, Abraham was sitting in his classroom at school talking to Denell. And then all of the sudden he's back home laying on his bed. There should be some transition in there somewhere for the readers to follow. What's written here is confusing. And it also leaves a lot to wonder about. What exactly happened the rest of the day at school? There's a chunk of story missing here.
Overall this chapter is good. I like how you introduced new characters. And now we know who Derell is. I hope to see him more in the next chapters. I'm sure I will.
Let me know when the next chapter is out!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**