Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I wish I woke up
to the sound of your voice
asking me where your shirt went
because it’s cold
and instead I wake up
craving your arms around me,
wondering if the crust in my eyes
are just imitations of tears
you shed last night while our souls
screamed in silence because I
am not in your bed
but you are in my head, as always,
consuming every thought
and making my math homework
impossible to finish - not that I
ever got it started, too busy thinking
about how the fingers wrapped around my pen
would feel grazing over your skin,
making your mouth fall open in the most
intimate unravel-lings of your mind.
Am I getting too carried away?
No, imagining my hands around you
as we slow dance on prom night,
a sheer perfection I never thought I’d
ever get to feel until I met you.
Meeting you was fate,
becoming friends with you was choice,
but falling in love with you was beyond my control.
and for once, my heart
made a good choice.
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Hello there, HerBugaboo,
This is so very sweet and romantic. I loved it. The subject of such words is one lucky girl. If I was you, I would have posted this on valentines day! haha.
Now for the review,
Make sure you always capitalize the first letter of each line. Especially if it is the beginning of a sentence.
Also, your punctuation is very choppy and doesn't make sense.
I loved your addition of the well known lines "meeting you was fate, becoming friends with you was choice, but falling in love with you beyond my control" I think it really added to your piece.
My favorite part was
"and instead I wake up
craving your arms around me,
wondering if the crust in my eyes
are just imitations of tears
you shed last night while our souls
screamed in silence because I
am not in your bed
but you are in my head, as always,"
those lines will always stay with me.
great job, keep writing!
--Cam
Aww.
This is very romantic and perfect in time for Valentine's Day. In terms of literary merit, it is very well written.
Here for example:
'No, imagining my hands around you
as we slow dance on prom night,
a sheer perfection I never thought I’d
ever get to feel until I met you.'
You are essentially telling a novel through a poem, which is really clever. I'm sure the person you wrote this for will be very flattered.
It's a lovely piece.