Sitting in Isolation with
notebook open and a packet in
front of me and my agenda opened.
Nobody knows that if you
sit with your agenda open no-one
bothers to say "do your work!"
Because they assume you're
writing the days events in the
silly little planner they give us
each and every year. It's quite
annoying, to be honest, having to write
in it all the time. Mr Dotson
always states: "The brain is
for thinking, not remembering."-a
nice quotation from Albert E, one
of my science heroes.
So they tell us to write down
keys, to unlock the memory so we
can retrieve what we need. I
realize I've been doing this all my
life, creating landmarks so later I can look
back and remember all the joy,
the laughter and the crying, and the
hurt I just wish I could forget as
I sit here in Isolation, with a
boring packet in front of me,
my notebook out and my agenda opened as I
Plan landmarks.
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Hey,
it leaves the reader confused and comes to an abrupt end. Also this line seems to have a grammar mistake, unless you really mean "lie" instead of "life":. Try explaining how the class work and your teacher fits into this. Hope it helps!I think this poem was very interesting, and I like how it was more like prose with less traditional stanzas! I think you should have added more to the second paragraph as far as more emotional conten because after
Klotrox
"Sitting in Isolation with
notebook open and a packet in
front of me and my agenda opened.
Nobody knows that if you
sit with your agenda open no-one
bothers to say "do your work!"
Because they assume you're
writing the days events in the
silly little planner they give us
each and every year. It's quite
annoying, to be honest, having to write
in it all the time. Mr Dotson
always states: "The brain is
for thinking, not remembering."-a
nice quotation from Albert E, one
of my science heroes.
So they tell us to write down
keys, to unlock the memory so we
can retrieve what we need. I
realize I've been doing this all my
lie, creating landmarks so later I can look
back and remember all
the laughter and crying, and the
hurt I just wish I could forget as
I sit here in Isolation with a
boring packet in front of me."
This is a very interesting poem, i think the general idea of the poem is great and quite mind blowing for a 14 year old so well done, it just proves ages is nothing but a number
however i think the words and phrases used could of been better
as i stated before the concept is great but it's affected by other factors
Another problem i see is the structure, i think you should have clear cut stanza's or it just looks very mushed and squashed poem which takes a lot of appeal of the poem
other then that well done, i think its a good poem but with a little work it could much better
Anyway i hope you can look at my work and tell me what you think of it
Hope to see more of you soon.