The Back Of Your Eyelids - Chapter One

Abraham laid across the bare mattress of the cluttered room, staring at the back of his eyelids, wishing desperately for sleep to eat away at his brain with a dream. He hadn’t had one in months.

With a sigh, he opened his eyes, slowly sitting up and looking around. The record player that took up half his desk was still screeching out Ms. Brown by Hermans Hermits; the wall was black- funny, he remembered it being blue when he laid down- and his friend Jordan, who he was sure was real, was sitting in his desk chair, watching him.

“Uncle Reese says you haven’t ate today.”

“I’ve been trying to sleep,” he replied, reaching down and picking a yellowish-white, stain-covered shirt off the floor before pulling it on. The world drifted out of focus for a second, spots appearing. Abraham blinked and everything came back into place.

“How’ve the hallucinations been?” She asked, still watching him.

“They’re not hallucinations,” he snapped. “They’re real.” His hand fisted in the sheet. Jordan sighed. “They’re here with us. Right, Cole?”

Abraham turned to his left, where a sixteen year old, rail thin boy with a shaved head in a black tee and loose-fitting shorts nodded solemnly, lighting a cigarette. Abraham glared.

“You promised you’d stop.”

Cole gave him a long hard stare, exhaling the smoke through his nose. “Did not.”

Abe huffed, turning to meet Jordan’s sympathetic gaze.

“I know, he’s a liar.” He said, misinterpreting her look.

“Yeah,” Jordan nodded, playing along, then motioned for Abraham. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

They walked down the street together, Jordan texting on her phone and Abraham counting the cracks on the sidewalk as they walked. Passerby didn’t bother to give them a second glance, though those that knew Abraham’s reputation crossed the other side of the street. Abraham sighed.

Jordan glanced at him. “What?”
“Do you think I’m crazy?” He paused to look at her, eyes wide and full of melancholy.

“Do you want me to answer that truthfully?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood. He just stared at her, and with a sigh, she started walking again.

He wondered if he wanted to know the reason why she didn’t answer.

A little bit later, the two sat across from each other at a booth at Rosa Del Lons, the local coffee shop. Abraham fidgeted, fingers tapping against the maple surface of the table, eyes darting around the room.

“Have you taken your meds today?”

“I told you, I don’t. They’re evil, brainwashing drugs.”

“They help you.”

“They make me dead.” He snapped. “Leslie told me.”

“Leslie?” A name Jordan had never heard before.

“He’s the owner of the salon. Gave me my last haircut and told me my leggings are cute.”

Jordan made a noise. The leggings, with the huge, ugly floral print, that Abe wore for days on end and had a breakdown over whenever Uncle Reese washed them. It was even uglier than the sweater, and it was the only pair of pants Abraham wore out of the house.

“And how do you feel about this, Leslie person?”

Abraham shrugged. “He’s cool.” His eyes darted up as the waiter dropped their food off, fidgeting more. He grabbed his coffee and took a gulp, exhaling steam as he pulled his knees to his chest. Muttering to himself, he glanced at the ceiling.

“Eat,” Jordan told him, pushing his deli sandwich towards him. He looked down at it, then poked it as if it could bite him at any moment. “Come on, you need to.”

Reluctantly, Abe picked it up, taking a bite and chewing slowly. Jordan began talking.

“I wish you could come to school. The other kids aren’t that great, but Mr. Lens is pretty nice and I think he’d like some of your writing. Maybe I can take some into him?”

“Which ones?”
“The personal accounts.”

Abraham made a choking noise. “Hell no.”

Jordan arched an eyebrow. “And why not?”

Abraham stared at the table for a second, in thought, swallowing and waiting a moment before speaking. “He’d think I’m weird.”

“The entire world thinks you’re weird.”

He shot her a look, gaze deadly. She blinked passively.

“You know it’s true, Abe. People think you’re odd. That’s why you can’t come to school, remember?”

“Don’t remind me.” he muttered.

“Like, the kids at school. If they heard you talking, to Cole or anyone else and they found out they weren’t-”

He looked back at her, daring her to finish her sentence. She beelined.

“They just, wouldn’t take very lightly to someone like yo-”
“Shut up.” He took another bite, viciously this time. Jordan went quiet, and decided to change the subject.

“Uncle Reese thinks you should get a haircut.”

“My hair’s fine.”

“It’s past your shoulder blades, Abe. And it wouldn’t be so bad, if you put it in a ponytail or, I dunno, brushed it out.”

He chewed, not looking at her. “My hair is fine. Would you rather me be bald, like Cole?”
“I’d rather you look like a hygienic human being, Abraham Lee.”

“I shower.”

“Once a week.”

“Enough for me. I don’t leave the house.” The fifteen year old replied, taking a drink of his coffee. He was met with a stern stare.

“I broke the windows of the Hotel last night. Old Man Jason caught me and didn’t say anything to the Sheriff, but Jensen thought it was cool that I did something rebellious.”

She nodded, watching him finish his sandwich. When he was done, she stood silently, tugging at his arm even though he pulled away. The walk to the door was silent.

“It’s raining.”

“No duh,” she grinned, and opened the umbrella she kept in her bag, using it to shield both of them from the cold droplets. A tentative smile crossed Abraham’s face.

“I don’t know about you,” Jordan said suddenly. Abe bit his lip.

“Some days are better and some days are worse, and nobody knows what’s going on in that head of yours because you won’t tell us. What’s going on, Abe?”

He shrugged, pulling his sleeves past his fingers. “Nothing. You know how I am.”

She stopped, grabbing his arm. “Tell me.”

“Nothing!” He made a noise of distress, yanking his arm from her grip. He started walking, and, after a moment or two, she caught up with him, keeping silent as she walked him home.