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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
HELLO!!! I'm back with another
practically uselessbrilliant review for you!Now, let me explain what I liked about this. I have to say that first, this was easy to understand. I couldn't understand that last line though.
It just needs some more rhythm and flow, but that's all I can think of overall. Now for the specifics!
I've reviewed some other poems that you've written, and I believe this one is pretty good. It's improved on the side where the lines feel too connected. However, you still should continue to work on it.
I also see some truth into this, and it's a great stanza to begin the poem. It brings the reader in, and it makes the reader want to read the rest.
I won't repeat what I already said, so let's talk about some other points. This stanza doesn't really flow, but it's mostly there. Good work.
The second line isn't that clear to me, but I can somewhat understand it.
I sudden love your work (not that I didn't love it before, but it seems better now), and I think I'm just a little tiny bug compared to you.
Finally, I'm reviewing the last line! I think this was a brilliant ending! After a while (um... does 30 minutes count as "a while"?), I realized that this meant he/she will eventually solve the crossword.
I don't think I have to repeat myself, but just in case, I absolutely enjoyed this poem! Keep writing!
Hi there! I'm terribly out of practice with reviewing, but hopefully I can help at least a little bit.
So I really liked your central metaphor here. A crossword puzzle seems like a pretty simple comparison to one's everyday life, but I really haven't seen anyone actually use it in a poem, or really ever for that matter. It really seems to fit so much better than the classic "box of chocolates" analogy.
Your first stanza opened the poem quite nicely. Like Kafkaescence, I liked that it wasn't absolute, because life isn't absolute. Adjectives like "some" and "half-finished" reflect life's unpredictability, as well as the simplicity of the metaphor.
The second stanza does drop the ball a little bit. I dislike the use of "the obvious" -- what, exactly, is so obvious? I also don't like the last lines, "as you wonder if you ever knew the answers." They're rather bleak and don't fit with what you established in the first stanza: a lack of absolutes. These lines imply a general feeling of uncertainty that permeates into all days, as opposed to just "some," as previously stated. They also strike me as a little bit whiny and unsophisticated, which really doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the poem. I do, however, like the "blank cells" bit. It makes me think of jail cells, of loneliness and emptiness, but also of possibility, as they are something that can potentially be filled. So the symbolism there is extensive. Perhaps you should explore that more?
I'm not so sure about the third stanza. Again agreeing with Kafkaescence, the idea of reaching a "summit" strays from the crossword metaphor, and the grand notion of rewriting history conflicts with the relatively simple concept of filling out your everyday crossword puzzle. I'm also not sure what an "APGX" is, so this affects my understanding of the poem (maybe I'll look that up later). I do like the last line though, "but time does her work in pen." It seems like an absolute, therefore conflicting with the un-absolutes you begin the poem with, but I actually think it works with your metaphor and wraps up the piece pretty nicely. The lack of a period does bother me though.
Overall, I did enjoy this poem, as it reflects what I'm feeling in my life right now.
I hope I managed to give you some helpful advice!
The metaphor that lays the foundation for this short piece is a modest one, communicated in timid non-absolutes ("some days" as opposed to "all days;" "half-finished" as opposed to "unfinished") that prognosticate a poem local to the setting of its composition; simple, uncomplicated except perhaps in symbolism, and loyal to the simile it was built to clarify.
Instead, the second stanza fell notably short of the clarification it strove for. How does "where the obvious/has been filled in" translate from the half-finished crosswords it was derived from to the subject of the comparison, the "some days" the crosswords are being compared with? What is "the obvious?" "And the blank cells/taunt your memory" is equally mystifying, though the subsequent two lines bring the stanza to a, if not satisfying, thought-provoking closure.
The final stanzas feel almost overreaching. It's not clear how the metaphor of the half-finished crossword evolved into the arrival at some sort of metaphorical "summit," much less the rewriting of history. The poem strays into areas beyond the boundaries of the humble opening simile and so feel disconnected from the spirit of the poem, which is far less ambitious than which that turns of phrase like "rewriting history" invariably invoke (not to suggest that ambition ("grandness" would perhaps be a better word) is the defining quality of a poem).
I hope this rambling review proved at least in some way useful. Please contact me if you have any thoughts, as replies to reviews don't yet seem to trigger notifications.
-Kafka
A final thought: perhaps the entirety of life, rather than a few select days, could be likened more appropriately to an unfinished crossword. Despite the fact that this at first seems like something of an unimaginative analogy, I'd be interested to see how such a thought might manifest itself in the form of poetry. Perhaps that was your aim here?
Hey! I really like your poem because the message striked me as very meaningful. I love the random vibe it exerts, and the way it's written is just so clever. The last line is really something, it's isolated from the rest and that's very interesting. It doesn't have a period (is it typo?) so it gives off the sense of an unsure ending, at least for me.
Good luck on your writing.
Thanks! The missing period was unintentional, but I'd say it fits.
Hello there! The beginning of your poem is very catchy, interesting actually. I like the way you illustrate and compare life with crosswords. The usage of concrete words is brilliant. You know how to combine words with such harmony that leaves a clear image of what you are getting at. I must say good job! Simple yet precise and not overdone
Thanks!