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142,234 Literary Works • 677,062 Reviews
Hey! I'm going to have a go at reviewing this. this is quite a hard poem to try and review really...
I noticed that you did it right in the last stanza: "Tongue quivered gladly to its taste,"
"Skin, so stretchy, as I dug, twisted, growled,
Wolf-like jaws clenched in Greed's fury.
Pulling my grown meal from starving paws;
Warm flesh slid against my pulsing gums.
Slow sinking fangs replenished my damned lust,
As crimson rushed down my throat, I awake."
THIS OPENING! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, it is so beautifully crafted! this is gorgeous. I love the description and the images you create. Somehow the second stanza just doesn't quite compare. It just doesn't feel so well crafted. I think perhaps there is too much happening in one stanza without any of it being gone into in great detail, like you do in the first stanZA.
Also, this line:
"Of my kin, to free it's soul, to survive."
There shouldn't be an apostrophe in its. Basically, because 'it's' is used for abbreviated it is there isn't an apostrophe in possessive its. So you shouldn't have an apostrophe in this line
"Recovered the yin, to my lonely yang."
I love this line loads and loads. It is an awesome line.
My main problem with the poem is that we have no clue in it, other than the title, that the eater is a cannibal not an animal. I think this needs to be more clear otherwise it just reads like a description of an animal eating people and it is less disturbing, and a poem about cannibalism needs to be disturbing
I hope i've helped. Lovely poem!
I admire your concept of devouring your kin, well, in the composition that is. It is good that you used free-verse, because there were no restrictions on the choice of words you used. The title appealed to my interest which is the made me read it.
There are some things in question that somehow contradicts the title.
The first stanza describes the main character as a beast and the second describes the prey as human. Cannibalism is about eating your own kind which is what makes a beast eating a human not considered as an act of cannibalism.
Please correct me if I got something wrong. I might be over thinking this.
Either way, it was good.