Young Writers Society

So, I love this poem! I like the fact that the first and second stanza reflect your problems and flaws but with your special someone fixing you and then the third stanza is how unsure about who that someone really is.Then the fourth and fifth stanza you see what that someone is really like but that didn't bother you-you think that someone is special anyway! I found it quite easy to relate to as well. Overall, what a great poem-please continue writing like this!

First of all, I liked what you want to deliver on the first two verses. I felt how you adored that 'someone' you liked. I also liked how you rhymed the 2nd and 4th lines per verse.

I would just suggest that you follow the syllable count to make it more complete and whole. I noticed that some of the lines are 7, some are 6 and the others 8 in count. For me, as a reader, it would be cleaner, precise and better if you had a uniform syllable count like for the first lines it would be strictly 7 while in the second lines it would be 8 and so on.

I also liked the last line. I felt what you feel. But then again, the syllable count somewhat killed it for me. Also, the line 'And hurts my friends even further' was a tad bit awkward for me.

All in all, it was a nice poem with full of emotions. I just didn't think you connected all the verses as one.

I am in no way an expert but I also appreciate poetry just like you. Everything I said above was just an opinion. But I hope you consider it as a guide somehow.

Thank you.

Salutations. My name is James Hunt.

Firstly, from what I can gather, this poem is about someone for whom you cared, but who recently ended your romantic relationship. If this is indeed the case (and I believe you have already said as much), then I offer my heartfelt condolences.

This is a review, however, and as such I must be critical of your work, but before I do, here is an extract from the Bible I thought you might appreciate:

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

If I looked into your mind,

All I would see is madness.

You're so amazingly, wonderfully strange

That your presence oozes with gladness.

But if I looked into a mirror,

All I would see is a monster.

The kind that haunts my dreams at night

And hurts my friends even further.

The rhyming structure dropped in stanza 4 then picked back up again in stanza 5.
Also, for stanza 1, 2 and 4 you had a cool thing where line 2 starts with all and line 4 starts with and. If you could keep the repeation up with the other stanzas, it would make this poem a lot tighter. Content wise I liked it, and thought it was cute. Except for in stanza 3, line 4 where you used the word oozes. That makes me thing of something gross and slimy, not something positive. I'd change that word to something that has a happier and cleaner image to it. Keep writing, you are pretty good at it!