Published July 23, 2026
i paint stars on my skin
trying to catch the glow within
a a spark of fire or purple tint
something that would make me thin
built a ladder of wood and screws
told myself i have nothing to lose
into the depths of ocean blue
all i am is prey to amuse
climb the rungs, tie the knots
who am i, who am i not?
what part of me have i lost?
because at night, shadows disappear from where they’re bought
go back to the times i said i was alright
that i would never whisper of suicide
that i would not leave a note and blow goodbye
that the wind would talk and tell i’m fine
buy makeup, serums, don’t leave your face bare
buy blush, foundation, have products for skincare
go out with your face natural if you dare
beauty is pain, you say as you stare
they are predators; we are prey
hungry until the sky turns grey
that’s too revealing, or so i say
girls who wear will have prices to pay..
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138,729 Literary Works • 672,262 Reviews
hey catz!
with a lot of poems, it can be hard to cement a good metaphor/comparison for relationships with that of the patriarchy and femininity, but i think you're really onto something with your lens of patriarchy as a predator/prey relationship. actually, i almost wished you leaned into it more in this poem. something about ferality or such, or introduced it earlier into the poem.
now, i may be biased, but i think this poem would be quite a bit stronger if you dropped the rhyme-scheme and went full free verse. but, i also understand that it may be a little bit more comfortable to rhyme, so it's really poet's choice. just a thought.
there's something beautiful about this stanza, and i think generally through the poem with self-doubt and the stream-of-conciousness writing style. definitely something to lean into with future poems! it reads great especially in this poem, with considering the long-standing fear of standing up to the patriarchy & etc.
the stanza this line is in is strong! however, the line itself could benefit from using figurative language or being omitted, as the inclusion of this line makes the line that follows it redundant. (and, in my opinion, the line after has quite the stronger effect.)
^ i also think that this line feels out of place as is-- you have a lot of "show not tell" language that surrounds this line, so when you get to it... it feels a little bit jarring.
i do love this stanza as well! it reads very much as if someone is telling the narrator these things, and it definitely helps your patriarchy/beauty/femininity theme.
^ however, i also wish this commentary was a little bit more prominent? or in some way, would appear more-- maybe through a stanza about when the narrator first saw makeup as a child, or some other line that reveals this urgency to be beautiful!
overall, you're on to great things with this poem! keep it up! of course, you can take or ignore any of my opinions, because they're only opinions, and it's your poem :] and i hope you know that there will always be someone who cares for you.
~herb
Hello, herb! Thank you so much for reviewing! And I did have a feeling I shouldn’t have rhymed—I should’ve followed it lmao ToT
Thank you so much for the advice, I’ll take it to good use!!
I love hearing your opinions on it <333
Hello, herb! Thank you so much for reviewing! And I did have a feeling I shouldn’t have rhymed—I should’ve followed it lmao ToT
Thank you so much for the advice, I’ll take it to good use!!
I love hearing your opinions on it <333
Omg I am leaving from this site for a moment, coming back and seeing you all sad. What happened
Do you need someone to talk to?
You can always talk to me!
Now, onto the review.
The poem itself is really depressing and talks about deep subjects. The lyrical subject leaves us no time to rest and no room to breath. This builds a perfect atmosphere for reading.
It's easy to realive what this metaphor is about. It's a really depressing theme, starting the poem with a dark cloud around us, readers. I really don't know what else to say about this part. This leaves me with many thoughts, but none can leave my mind that would make any sense in a sentence.
Now the lyrical subject feels like they are drowning. The line that they have "nothing to lose" tells us that they thought they are unbreakable, or they already knew they had nothing for themselves.
Now lyrical subject is questioning themselves who they really are. They are losing a sense of self. They are losing the light, happiness, from their life.
Now the lyrical subject goes back and rethinks the times when everything was fine, remembering how it felt. Or tells us to go back to those times to distract us, readers, from the fact how they feel. Trying to not make us worry perhaps.
Now the lyrical subject tries to hide their real emotions under make-up. Tries to hide all the pain and suffering under foundation and a blush. They try to make themselves feel beautiful. As a distracion. Because it's harder to tell if someone is suffering when they have a pretty face, not a depressed one, right?
Now it doesn't look like a poem anymore. It's a dark reality. That's life. That's what's happening around us all. And I think that's the darkest part of it all.
OMGGG HAIII Welcome back!! I missed you so much! It is a bit of a hard time, but it honestly depends on the day. <3333 Ans thank youuu
This poem is about a lot of stuff really, and the way you interpreted it is surprisingly accurate! Thank you so much for reviewing and reading it I’m so glad you’re back!
I'm so happy you're glad! And awh I hope you'll be okay soon!! Stay strong, you're the best!
Beautiful work. I like the patriarchal metaphor as predators and preys. It’s sufficiently deep/dark to your way of writing. Your talent lies in your honesty, keep it!
Thank you so much for reading!! I’m so glad you enjoyed!