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The Tales of the Argonauts: the Osorezu and the Hana (9-1)

Chapter 9: The Guide of Strength

The academy remained on lockdown for another week, and the events were postponed indefinitely. All this to prepare for the rise of the new Guide. After all, this was a cause for celebration as Kai was to be the first chosen for his position in a century. Additionally, the goddess Kurin was the deity of festivals, so it was befitting.

The arena was of a different breed. No longer was there a thick humidity in the air, but a festive mildness. The sandpit was no longer baking beneath artificial white lights, but the entire area was aglow with various shades of lanterns, all hung at the posts that would have held the intense stage lights and sound recording equipment. The smell of food and candles filled the air instead of sweat and leather. Of course, traces off the old arena still lingered, but this just made the festival feel more special.

Food and game stalls filled the area where the stands would have been. Some stalls also sold little trinkets, such as Kurin idols, strength necklaces and belts. In the sandpit activities were being held. These included football, lacrosse, capture the flag, and various others. The participants in these games, as well as the festival, weren't only from the academy, but from the surrounding towns, and sometimes even from across the country.

If one were lucky, they could find the soon-to-be Guide among the crowd. Kai was dressed in a beautiful dress of gold, with violet accents. It fell in pleats, but it was far from a uniform skirt. In fact, it was a Grecian dress, with a violet rope that sat tied at her hips and small leaves that wound over her arms and shoulders in a graceful manner that befit the new heavenly Guide.

Pualani remained by her side, dressed in a blue robe, similar in style to the King's. However, this robe bore no dragon, nor any gold. It was merely cerulean, with an iris hem.

The two friends stood out like sore thumbs. All others wore reds and oranges and yellows, for good luck. However, none were allowed to wear the colour of the Goddess Kurin, save her disciple herself. Pualani simply endeavoured to be different from the crowd.

It also was not difficult to find Shun, who wore a lime green double breasted shirt, accompanied by tan slacks. Kenichi wore a yellow outfit of a similar nature and Tara, who was only seen in passing, was wearing red. He scolded all but Kai and Tara for wearing the colours that they had. However, rumours began to spread about the group and their oddly coloured clothing. Some were complete fantasy, such as the three being companions of Kai for her spiritual journey. Others were that they were disrespectful and took the goddess for granted.

Kai persuaded them not to care and to simply go on with their day. She led them to a food stall at first, and got each of them a snack. She was fed for free, as well as Kenichi, Pualani and Shun, on her request. She then led them to a game stall where they played a replication of the rock lifting competition from the birth of Kurin. Kai refrained from this game, and Shun reigned victor by one stone.

It was at this time that Kai was called into the sandpit. There, she found a stage, accompanied by a low table. Upon this table was a violet wreath, which looked to be meant for her to wear as a crown. She flushed to this honour and almost refused to go up. However, Shun took her hand and pulled up through the sand toward the stage.

"But Shun! Look at all of these people!" Kai gasped out, attempting to wrench her hand from his. She was panicking. What if I trip? What if they ask me to speak and I fumble? I'm going to trip over my dress when I go up the stairs. What if it's not meant to be a crown but a necklace and I make a fool of myself by putting it on my head?

"Kai, hey," Shun nudged her shoulder, "are you in there?" She jumped, coming to life once more. Her hand held his tighter.

"Shun," she began, but was interrupted.

"Listen to me. Where are we?"

"In the arena," she answered.

"Where are we standing?" he asked.

"What do you mean? The sandpit." Her face began to scrunch up, confused.

"What do you do the best, Kai?"

"I don't know! What does this have to do with anything?" she hissed, squirming anxiously. Shun sighed.

"You're the strongest person in the entire academy. You fight better than anyone that I know. You've stared at a goddess in the face and risked drowning to save your opponent. I know you. If you wouldn't have been able to lift Kapena, you would have drowned with him." Kai's eyes went wide to what he was saying. "That amount of bravery will never be paralleled in my eyes. Now stop being a baby. You're stronger than this."

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User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:22 pm

Hey there Ulala!

Again, a new chapter I didn't realize was out until now! So, I've finally arrived. :3 This was another intriguing chapter. We're steadily learning more about how the Guide's are treated, especially as such a large festival is being hosted just for Kai due to being chosen. And now knowing that people are coming for far off countries as well, it just shows how rare it is to have a newfound Guide. I think you did a spectacular job of describing the surroundings and how the atmosphere and setting changed due to the festivals going on.

It would've been nice to make some more of this story direct and less of it indirect. So, instead of telling us that people are whispering, maybe have someone brush past the stall and have one of them overhear someone saying something like "how dare they wear those colours! It's disrespectful to the goddess..." and then pass on. After that you can go on to indirectly mention how many people had been talking about it, and actually have Shun or another person comforting the group and telling them to ignore it. Or something along the lines of this. Doing it that way makes it more direct and puts a bit more emphasis on it as well, bringing it closer to the reader...

this was a cause for celebration as Kai was to be he first chosen for his position in a century.


I think you mean 'the' instead of 'he'. There were a couple of other moments where you used words like off instead of 'of' and misspelled things like 'from', but I am sure a quick scan through can unearth those small nitpicks. I don't think it's worth me pulling every single one out.

What if I trip? What if they ask me to speak and I fumble? I'm going to trip over my dress when I go up the stairs. What if it's not meant to be a crown but a necklace and I make a fool of myself by putting it on my head?


I apologise for pulling out such a big bit, but that all needs to be in speech marks. I think you forgot.

How does Kai feel about receiving all this new attention. Does it overwhelm her, and is she having trouble holding it all together? Is she nervous about all these duties she is going to have to take up now, worried that her friends will leave her? Other than honoured I want to know how she feels! Emotions make a big part of a story and can only make it better ;)

As always, let me know when you post another chapter with a wall comment or something! I would be happy to come back and continue reviewing for you ^.^

Deanie x

The section that you pulled out with Kai "speaking" was her thoughts. That's why they're in italics.

Hm, but they really sound like it should be her speaking, and it would have more effect if they do as well because they seem like quick, confused thoughts that she would just rush out her mouth without her thinking over what they're saying. If they weren't meant to be in speech, I strongly suggest you make it so.

Hello, love!
Aurora here with a quick review for you!

Nitpicks first, yeah?
After all, this was a cause for celebration as Kai was to be he first chosen for his position in a century.
Comma after celebration.

All others wore reds and oranges and yellows, for good luck.
No comma.

However, none were allowed to wear the colour of the Goddess Kurin, save her deciple herself.
Disciple, not deciple.

Pualani simply endeavoured to be different rom the crowd.
From, not rom.

It also was not difficult to find Shun, who wore a lime green double breasted shirt, accompanied by tan slacks.
No comma after shirt.

He scolded all but Kai and Tara for wearing the colours that they had.
This sentence reads oddly.

Kai's eyes went wide to what he was saying.
In response to.

End of nitpicks.

The only critique I have for you is to add more dialogue so as to balance it out with the amazing descriptions you have here.

It was so funny when Kai started having stage fright. Honestly, it's very fun when your MC has stage fright.

Keep writing, love.
Aurora

User avatar
lostthought
Review

'Ello! Here to review! I see you aren't doing the past-present thing anymore.

Nitpicks

Spoiler
to be he first

You probably meant the first.

for his position in a century

Isn't Kai a girl?


Kai is to be crowned a Guide! Yay! I wonder why she was chosen by the goddess of festivals. I mean, maybe a god/dess of bravery of something, but why festivals? It's all very confusing.

Shun is nice. He made Kai shush up by giving her examples of her bravery. I wonder if anyone is going to tell her about two deaths she caused. If she finds out by herself, there may be hell to pay to someone.

Kai is having stage fright. I would have it as well if I were to be the position of power. She is the first Guide in a century. That puts her under a huge spotlight. She does realize people wouldn't dare laugh at her if she does put on the wreath wrong. She'll probably accidentally kill them or something!

Oh well, keep writing.

-lost

Remember that Kurin is not only the goddess of festivals, but the goddess of strength. ;)
I've been writing on the road. Thanks for catching my typos



Who knew Kansas City had its own branch of the Yakuza?
— Jason Sudeikis