Published June 26, 2014
Chapter 8: The Queen and Her Throne
The room was dimly lit by the light which scarce escaped the thick velvet curtains of red. The smell of wax and paper spread across the room like a haze. Dainty feet slowly crossed the floor, never making so much as a thud. The person whom these feet belonged to moved with a grace like a ballerina. Face pale as a porcelain doll, fingers long and slim and nails painted red, she dwelled in the darkness, awaiting the perfect moment to début her majesty to the morning sun. The way she moved about and the way she turned out her toes was so much like dancer, and she moved with a swanlike grace.
Her neck craned, peering into the slim crack between the curtains, light shining fantastically through it. Her fingers reached to the velvet curtain, barely disturbing the folds, before ripping it wide open and bathing the room in light. Her pale face was illuminated by this bright, dawn sun like a face powered with stage make up illuminated by the spotlight. She was on a stage, looking out upon the audience that was her kingdom— that would be her kingdom if her spotlight hadn't been stolen. She was only a supporting role to her brother. This, she plotted to change.
"It's only three weeks until the Lunar Eclipse. The world will be bathed red and the time will be upon me," the woman listed to herself, red lips puckering and sweeping into accentuated 'o's as if she were giving a speech. "Only three weeks time. The stage is set, now I must wait."
She turned from the window, her silk nightdress sweeping with the sudden motion, and she returned to her bedside. She gathered together the ivy dress that she had set out for herself upon waking. This dress was a ball gown with a narrow bodice and a plump, pumpkin-like skirt. The dress was deep green in colour, but ivy vines had been embroidered over the skirt in gold thread. The corset ties in the front of the bodice made a stylistic venture onto the skirt as well, wrapping like a river of black down her body.
She adjusted herself in the dress before sitting down upon the bed, awaiting her maid to dismiss her. She was not allowed to travel anywhere in the castle without permission. She had authority over the maids and butlers and cooks and servants and guards, but her power was second to the King, and it had been his order that she not be allowed anywhere without permission.
A brown, mousy haired maid scurried into the room as if on cue. She closed the door a little too loudly, she stepped a bit too heavily and she spoke a bit too quickly— but then, this maid was clumsier than most. She wasn't generally liked.
"Oh! You're up, Lady Sera," the maid squeaked, hands beginning to wring her apron. "I am not late." It was more of a question than a statement, but her head hung in shame as if she believed the answer to spell her doom.
"You are not late," Sera answered her. "I am always up this early." Her voice was monotonous, and her porcelain face was void of all of the life that it had bore when she made her début.
The mousy maid nodded hurriedly. "Is there anything that I can get for you, Lady Sera?" Her fingers were barely thicker than wires, and this was more apparent as her wringing became more violent.
"You can start by bringing in my tea, as you were supposed to," she answered, folding her hands in her lap, as if she were holding a cup. "After that, I would like to go to the library."
"O-oh! M'lady, I'm afraid that the King wants you by his side at the throne this morning." Sera frowned, her brows furrowing. She stood and sighed.
"I'm assuming that he would like me to take tea with him as well?" she almost hissed through her teeth. Her ice blue eyes glared so intensely at the mousy maid that you would think the maid had become taken by an earthquake.
"H-he would M-M'lady, I-I deeply apologize f-for th-this inconvenience." Sera only turned from the maid with a slight groan. She then left to the door and exited the room. The mousy maid would not cease her trembling for a great while, and she knew where she was going. She made right from her room, and followed the maze-like halls until she reached the dining hall.
The doors stood five times her height, with golden ornaments and handles. Two oriental dragons were depicted, clawing up the length of the doors and reaching for Haven. There fur was so detailed, as well as their eyes so lifelike, that they could almost fly off of the doors and swim through the air of palace garden. Yet, they were here, guarding the dining room. These dragons were the symbol of the King. After grasping the golden handles, Sera entered the room.
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129,541 Literary Works • 671,508 Reviews
Hey there Ulala!
I also like the red theme you've gotten running through the chapter ^.^ Unlike JayeCShore, I am not obbsessed with it, but it was a nice touch to have something like this running throughout the chapter. I don't know if we will meet the king in part two of this chapter, but I seriously hope we do. I want to see what makes him so unappealing and hate worhty in the queen's eyes.
Whoa, a new chapter. I didn't know there was a royal family that led these lands. They must be extrememly powerful in more ways than one to have earned such a high title, and I am looking forwards to knowing what their powers might be
This would run a whole lot smoother if it ended like this: moved with the grace of a ballerina. Same definition, easier to read and easier way to put it
Because of the way you end the beginning part of this sentence up to the comma, the only thing I think woul be good was if the ending was like: that she moved with a swanlike grace.
In the second paragraph, the only thing that is new there is the fact that she rips open the curtains. You even use the same vocabulary to describe the same things, like the pale face and the grace. It gets a bit repeptitve; I would even suggest scrubbing out anything old from it and just bringing in the new. We don't need a repeat of the same information, and it doesn't really add anything more to the story. Except when it comes to word count.
I wonder how is it possible that the king took her limelight? The only way this coud happen would be if she was the queen by birthright and then married the King, and because of this and manipulation he became more powerful than her. It wouldn't work if he was the kind as birthright and then married the queen. You could make it so that the queen married him, not because he owed her limelight but because she wanted it. That would make her more so the villain. But this is something to think about it, and maybe just add in a bit of backstory somewhere it would fit naturally so we know how things went for her to get in this position of hate and hierachy.
I hope this review helped. I am going to keep reading the next part!
Deanie x
Thank you so very much for your review! I'll fix things accordingly.
As to your curiosity about the "limelight" issue (this will be addressed in later chapters), the "Queen" and King are twins. Sera was born first, but seen unfit for the throne.
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
I love it when writers blur the lines between the senses, making the eyes smell and the ears see and the nose hear and such. Playing with words is just fun in general, and right from the get-go I have a good feeling that you're very talented at it.
Many writers also don't notice how important it is to use the right words. Had you used a word such as "stretched" in place of "craned," it would have been out of place, even if in the slightest. But "craned" completes this thought and idea, and makes it for all that much more of a better read.
You seem to be as infatuated with red as I am. Literally, though, I am obsessed with red hair, if you haven't heard about it already. I dream about it sometimes.
I do have a nitpick, though. You use "she" a whole lot, and you start out a lot of sentences and paragraphs with the same word(s) which is always a big no-no. Perhaps consider going through and changing that.
In the end, this is just a good, solid story that's fun to read, and is not bubblegum, meaning, it's actually worth the time, and I would consider reading it more than once. Your style is clean and fresh, and your voice, while not particularly narrative, is strong in the sense that your elegant with it.
Thank you ulala8!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Hi!
The descriptions were so vivid and the story flowed really well. Hence, I can see pictures in my mind as I continue reading, most especially the physical appearance, emotions and gestures of the characters conversing and the look of the castle on the inside.
I just have some suggestions in this lines but you can overlook it if you don't find it helpful:
The dress was deep green in colour, but ivy vines had been embroidered over the skirt in gold thread.
You can change that to: It was a deep green dress with golden ivy vines embroidered over the skirt.
and it had been his order that she will not be allowed to go anywhere without his permission.
But again, this is a fascinating story.
Keep going
> Cha