Published March 21, 2014
The Present
Pualani took a deep breath before she stepped up to the podium. The microphone before her buzzed and squeaked as she adjusted it for her height. The hundreds of students and teachers alike were watching her with critical eyes, as were the judges, seated in the balcony high above the stage. Her trembling fingers gripped at her note page, releasing it onto the tilted desk of the podium.
Her eyes darted to the left to analyze her enemy. He stood tall behind the podium beside her, shoulders rolled back and chest puffed out slightly in confidence. His eyes were as cold as steel and his lips were sealed tightly. He looked to be plotting -planning- her destruction. His thick fingers clenched tightly in a fist as the anticipation began to manifest as anger.
“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this years Diploma Debate,” announced a voice over an unseen speaker. “We will begin our preliminary debates in a few moments. Allow me to welcome our two debaters: Tai Karen,” the boy beside Pualani smiled ever so slightly to this acknowledgement and he nodded his head in response, “and Pualani Misara,” to which she responded with a slight nod as well, as she was too nervous for anything else. “The topic is “feminism within workplace”. Pualani will be arguing the affirmative while Tai argues the negative.” An alarm buzzed softly, which signalled the beginning of the debate. Tai would go first.
“A woman’s place is not among the men. It is proven that men are predominantly Yang, especially those men who have high levels of testosterone. This makes them far more aggressive and far more likely to attack another in a violent manner. Women are predominantly Yin, as they are more emotionally driven and they like to solve their problems peacefully and diplomatically. While this may be ideal for some situations,- and by all means, I’m not appointing women as useless- in many situations, they are more often than not damaged.
“A workplace, whether it is Yin or Yang, is inevitably a ruthless place geared for success and ascending the ranks. A woman who is Yin is not ideal for this sort of work environment as it does not agree with her beliefs or ideals. There is not one woman that I have ever spoken to who has wanted to come home with one more wrinkle on their face than when they left.”
There was a limited applause for Tai.
“There is a woman who I know that- when asked for a statement on a similar basis- simply told me, “we were born from Osorezu. We are all Yang”. She would be right. When Osorezu made children with the other earth women, he infused Yang into our societies. The Yang was better to hunt with, to survive with. The Yin fell out of balance. The point that my opponent made is incorrect not in substance, but in view point. All of us are Yang, therefore any person has the capacity to be ruthless and cunning. Take my friend as an example once more. She is able to lift nearly double her own body weight. She is a Child of the Mist. What more proof do you need? She is a woman, yet very much Yang.”
The entire audience applauded for Pualani, and three stood-- each a grinning woman.
The debate was not technically over, but Pualani’s opponent backed down on the claim that he did not have the means to counter this. It was a flawless victory for Pualani from the beginning. It had been all too easy for her, almost as if she were set up to win.
The next debater was just finishing his victory and he was joining Pualani on the stand. There was no more time to sit back and ponder her effortless victory.
His brown eyes were practically smiling as he looked over to her. His tan skin shone brightly under the artificial lighting as if he were being kissed by the sun.
“Next up: Kenichi Sato versus Pualani Misara.”
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Hey there Ulala!
I have to say, this was a cleverly placed chapter. I mean, we've only just learnt the different between Yang and Yin kind of, and we can already place it to be used here. I did like the debate but it did sound more like you were listing information than giving us a soft chapter to read. I am not sure how you would go around that seeing as it is an informational debate. But I have one idea.
The reason it feels so info dumpy is because this debate seems to spring out of nowhere, which makes it seem like it is here for the sake of needing the information to be brought across. If it was mentioned somewhere in there before, or there was a sort of build up to it in earlier chapters I am sure it would help. Like when we meet her writing on the hill Kai could mention how she knew she was preparing for a debate that would be happening while she was busy with her own contest... it solves the problem I mentioned before about giving little suspense hints as to what will happen in the future!
Really, there is nothing more to say. Next chapter here I come!
Deanie x
Hey Ulala (Nice name btw), Black here to drop in some minor pieces of feedback. Seeing as I have to get off of this computer here, this is just gonna consist of a couple little points.
Mind you though, I'm not really good with this kind of WEIRD (decently good though) writing, so keep an open mind with me. Shoot me if I say something you don't like.
First off: This guy dropped his argument pretty easily. This seems like a modern society in the way things are done, but the arguments are definitely a bit fantasy based. Still though: He was obviously not too sure about what he was doing. Do they judge this argument on who gets the most applause? He had to have been ready for that! He had to have something to say. That wasn't an argument, definitely not one for an audience anyway. That was an idiot stating an opinion and getting flattened by cheers.
So, try to extend it out a bit. You did a nice job! Seriously. I see a great story being built up here and I enjoy it. Also, it looks like you've rewritten this piece a number of times, do not change this to make me happy. Do it to make it work.
That's all I have time for.
Keep this up, okay! You're doing really well and I'm interested as to where you take this story world!
~Black~
Hiya there, ulala8!
Im here with a review for you, representing team blue on this magnificent March review day!!!
Before I start this review, let me just apologize ahead of time for any typos (of which I'm certain there will be many) as I'm writing this review from my iphone rather than my laptop.
And so it begins...
However, there are a few things here that I think could make this thing even more awesomer than it already is.
I hope this review was helpful for you and happy review day! Never stop writing! ;D
First of all, I hae gotta commend you for te work you've done on this novel as a whole. I think that you've developed a bit of a following (to my knowledge at least) and that this is one of those very intriguing stories that just never really gets old. I remember reviewing your first chapter and loving every bit of it. This one was no different.
First, I find the whole idea of viewing feminism and gender roles in this society as purely logical things. By that I mean that the society you've portrayed here seems to think that the moral or more spiritual side of these sets of beliefs is less important than the simple fact that they "are all yang". This was a really cool take and work wonders towards establishing some of the core differences between our society and the society placed before us in this novel. Where I think this could become even better, however, is in the actual arguments of each of the two debaters. Although they both come from that place of logical thinking over spiritual or moral reasons for their beliefs, it seems that this leaves each if them a little bit detached from those arguments. I would suggest maybe adding some intensity and a little more fire to that debate scene to really drive home the point that they still hold very tightly to those opinions every though the moral side is lacking. That would not only make the scene more interesting, but would also highlight this society's value on intellectual correctness even mor than you've already done so.
Secondly, I think that you should expand a little bit on how each of te debaters uses the origin story with Osurezu in order to drive their point home. This could be the point that helps you to add some more energy and intensity to their argument as they plunge further into a disagreement about the very origin of the work they live in.
Other than those few things, this was a job well done. It was definitely interesting and very well written as always. Great job, old sport!