12+

The Tales of the Argonauts: the Osorezu and the Hana (10-1)

Chapter 10: The Argonauts

When morning came, Kai was awoken from her light slumber by the headmistress. She hadn't slept very long— her nerves and her excitement and her fear had prevented it. Her hair stood on end from her tossing and turning. She yawned and smoothed it down.

"Lady Kai, when you're ready, please meet the rest of your group in the food hall for breakfast and a briefing," the headmistress requested before turning about and exiting the room.

Kai was left alone. She slowly sat up, rolling her shoulders and beginning to pop her joints. First, it was the slight relief in her fingers that she felt, then she bent her wrists forward and suddenly she gained back her mobility in those joints. She no longer ached.

She stood and stretched her arms out. Turning toward her closet, she yawned and her eyes teared up.

"Damn it," she hissed, wiping at them away. Her face became red and the tears persisted for a moment before she was able to relax. "I hate that..."

Sighing softly, she opened her closet and reached about for some traveling clothing. She quickly found that all of her outfits had been replaced by robes and dresses of violet, or lavender, all with the golden crest of the goddess upon the breast if not elsewhere. Her shoulders slumped and she frowned at the loss of her own possessions. She decided on an outfit anyway as she wouldn't travel in her nightie. She removed a pair of trousers from the closet, and took a robe. This robe had slits in the sides that went up to the hip and allowed for movement. She wouldn't hate to admit that she looked akin to a monk in this outfit.

"I never once imagined that I'd turn out to be a monk." Kai smiled and looked herself over in the full length mirror upon her wall. "I don't look half bad. Now all I need are a staff and shoes." She hummed softly as she began to think upon the acquiring of said items. She left the mirror and guided herself toward the door. She needed to gather the other Argonauts and get them breakfast and a plan. Stuffing her feet into a pair of slippers, she left the room and shuffled toward Pualani's room. This was across the hall.

"Pualani," she called out, rapping at her door, "it's time to get up. I'll be back in a moment, but you should head to the food hall for breakfast."

As she was about to leave, the door creaked open and a hand grasped at Kai's sleeve. Terror filled eyes stared back at her from the darkness of the room behind. Breath rasped and heaved and she trembled before her best friend.

"Kai," Pualani whispered, eyes turning down in shame. She could normally handle her problems on her own. Now, she was weak and needed help, but she struggled to swallow her pride and ask.

"What is it?" Kai asked, turning her hand to grasp at her friend's wrist. Pualani recoiled and shrunk back.

"I can see things," was the answer, "floating around. I can hear them. They're whispering. Some of them are saying my name."

Kai frowned and led herself into the room. Pualani's hand was trembling. She was more terrified than she had been in her entire life.

"Where do you see these things?" the Guide asked her friend. "Are they violent?"

"No... They're all gone now," she whispered in return, slowly sitting upon her bed. The entire room was dark, only small fingers of light slipping through the closed curtains.

"Do you think... No..." Kai began to chew on her lip and shake her head. "Never mind. I think you're just dehydrated. I'll bring you back some water if you're not at breakfast in ten minutes." She smiled to her friend before leaving her side.

The Guide then proceeded down the hall and into the winding pathways which would eventually lead to the boys' dorms. The walls were lined with portraits of former staff, with the more important ones in larger forms than the others. Just across from the Headmaster and Headmistress's offices were depictions of Osorezu and Hana.

Osorezu stood tall before the master's office door, holding a miniature form of the spirit Hono's horns his right hand. He was sculpted from bronze, carefully shaped into a majestic interpretation of the Yang hero.

Hana sat across from the mistress's office, legs folded behind her. She was carved from pearly white marble, even holding a small baby in her lap. The craftsmanship was amazing, down to the very likeliness of a baby and his beautiful mother. She looked like a proud, but distant image of the mistress of Yin.

From then on, the halls were painted in an eggshell colour, as opposed to the slate grey of the girls' side. Kai was entering the Yang side of the building— the sunny side, the dry side, the warm side. It even seemed more warm here than on her side. The gymnasiums were beneath these dorms, so it was quite possible that the boys were heated by that. Those rooms designated for physical activity needed to be temperature regulated so that a student didn't tear a muscle. Beneath the girls' side there were only a few music rooms, which needed to be heat regulated, but there weren't enough to heat the living rooms.

Kai breathed in the dry air before she continued on toward Kenichi's room. As she moved further into the heart of this dormitory, she began to notice the art changing. There were no longer any sculptures or vases, but only portraits. It appeared that the males had had more successful students than the females. Each picture was now of a student that had come out on top of his class. There were even some boys that had won the debate competition.

Kai would never be able to become a member of the Royal Guard like she wanted to. She had been chosen to be the Guide of Kurin. She had no place being a simple guard, or even a commander or a general. She was left to be a monk or priestess, and nothing more. Her flame had been snuffed. It was a great honour to be chosen, but she wouldn't have minded just being a soldier. She was never to stand at the side of the King, or know the honour of bearing a katana for his safety or taking a knife wound for his survival. 

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Wed Jul 30, 2014 10:50 pm

Hi Ulala!

Me again :3 I'm afraid this review is going to be much shorter as I have very little to say. I am pleased to find this chapter back up to your usual standard, and I enjoyed it a lot. We're getting to see how Kai isn't really liking these changes that have been forced into her life. You're showing us through small things like her previous dreams and the clothes she needs to wear, but I like how you're doing it. I am also wondering what is happening to Paulani, and what Kai suspects it is. Hopefully nothing too bad, for her own sake.

she left the room and shuffled toward Pualani's room. This was across the hall.


I think that when it comes to your writing style, we need to try and cut things like 'this is here, this is what she said' and that type of voice as much as possible. I feel like the second sentence was kind of out of place, and stood out to me. So maybe change this bit to something like: she left the room and shuffled across the hall, to where Pualani stayed.

One question I had was, where is she? This was just at the beginning of the chapter, by the way. Until later on in this chapter, you've never mentioned that the school they were staying at is actually a boarding school. Maybe you should mention that somewhere. I was surprised that the headmistress woke her up and that she seemed fine with it. I even considered she was only sleeping there because the Argonauts had only been formed the day before and they'd rather the Guide on a quest was lodging somewhere safe and protected. So just make sure you mention that little necessary detail.

She was never to stand at the side of the King, or know the honour of bearing a katana for his safety or taking a knife wound for his survival.


Another thing I am sure would take your chapters from good to great would be to have some more emotion in there. You're telling us that Kai can never achieve the dreams she once had. Great. But now that you've told us, show us how she feels about it. Do tears form in the corner of her eyes and possibly fall as she realizes her whole life has changed and is no longer under her own control? Is she liking this new life of a celebrity? I want to see her emotions, know more of her personal thoughts on the series of events unfolding before us. Give us that, and you'll have readers hooked all the way through!

*bounces off to read more chapters*

Deanie x

Hey there! Scarlet here, as you know It's review day.

You know what that means, time to review!

Nitpicks first...

As far as I can see there aren't any. I'm impressed with your sentence structure, grammar and punctuation.

This was a very entertaining story and gave off a good vibe. I like your main character, she reminds me of myself In a way.

I like her and I like this story.

Great Job, keep writing and don't disappoint!

Image

Sincerely, Scarlet; Member of #0000BF ">Team Aqua!


clubs/1983 - #0000FF ">Team Aqua Headquarters

Good day, ulala8!

Porcupine Strongwill again here for a review! Pardon if I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so please don't mind if I comment on something I don't have a right to comment on (plot-wise). Let me concentrate on reviewing your narration/structures instead.

This:

Terror#0000FF ">-filled eyes stared back at her from the darkness of the room behind.


where I think "terror-filled" should be hyphenated, is the only mistake I could spot. You have an impeccable writing skill, my friend, which I admire. Being very mindful of your spellings and punctuation is a very good trait for a writer.

As with your narration itself-- it is also flawless. The flow is smooth-- not forcing any details to the reader; instead leaving little details here and there. I like your description of the halls. You got my full attention here:

As she moved further into the heart of this dormitory, she began to notice the art changing.


I'm not sure why, but you did.

The only thing I didn't like, by the way, was the start:

When morning came, Kai was awoken from her light slumber by the headmistress. She hadn't slept very long— her nerves and her excitement and her fear had prevented it. Her hair stood on end from her tossing and turning. She yawned and smoothed it down.


I think it was a bit too slow.

But the good thing is you immediately redeemed it. Once the Kai, the Guide, was down the hall, grabbed by her best-friend, you pulled the reader back at once. Good job. Good job.

Please keep writing,
Porcey xoxo

This review was brought to you
by Team Rocket.
Image



I'm tired of books having villains who are just villains for no reason.
— EllieMae