Published June 26, 2014
The door looked down the length of the table. Passed fifty rows of seats, at the end of the table, she found the King. He slowly stood from his position, revealing his silk robe of pastel green. The robe was adorned with two dragons, very similar to the ones on the door, one on his left and on his right. They ended upon his breasts, mouths open in roars.
A grin was upon his olive skinned face. Aside from the grin and the different skin colour, the siblings looked just the same. Each had piercing, ice blue eyes. Each had chocolate brown hair— with the King's falling at his shoulders in gentle waves, and Sera's falling at her waist is more loose waves. Sera also had a birthmark across her back that the King did not.
"Sister," he called out to her, "won't you join me beside me? Conversation will be difficult over the length of the table."
"I would prefer not, Toren," she answered before sitting down upon the seat opposite him. He frowned and sat down.
Sera was then served her bread and jam, and shortly after, was served a plate of potatoes, steak and eggs (over easy). She consumed her bread and jam quickly , as did she her potatoes. Her steak, she tackled as she spoke with her brother.
"How have you been, sister?" Toren asked, beginning to stir at his rice with his fork. He had been served this instead of steak. "I heard that you spent the majority of your solitude in meditation."
"That is true," she answered, but focused on slicing apart her steak. Aggression seethed into her action, resulting in a screech as her knife struck the plate.
"Do be careful," Toren advised, brows furrowing as he watched his sister. "We wouldn't want to damage father's china."
"Father is dead. It is our china now, and if I want to carve into it, I may." He sighed.
"As your superior, I request that you do not cut the china," he resolved before he turned his face down watching the grains of rice as he lift masses of them into his mouth. Sera grumbled and dropped a hand beneath the table so that she could hold a fist.
There was silence across the table. Sera's steak was finished and she brought the plate into the air, holding it to her lips. Her tongue was sent out and it licked at the yolk of the egg. The yellow oozed from the egg slowly and thickly, sliding over the whites and the plate, threatening to spill onto the wooden surface below.
"Oh, sister! That's not very ladylike!" Toren cried out, jumping to his feet from his chair. "Eat with a fork and knife! If not a spoon! There are plenty lining the other empty seats! I implore! Take some and use them!" Sera merely glared at her brother over the top of her plate before resuming her manner of consuming her egg. "Sera!"
Toren gasped before he hurried to the opposite end of the table and wrenched the plate from her hands. Infuriated and agitated, her fist struck out and delivered and breath stealing blow to his stomach. His eyes went wide and he gasped for breath. Knees falling out from under him, he toppled like a tower, inevitably falling on his back with a shattered mess of china and yellow ooze surrounding his hand.
"I am going to the library, Toren." Sera looked over this mess before she turned and she left, leaving.
A guard rushed to Toren's side and lifted him to his feet as a maid started to clean up the mess.
"Would you like me to go after her and punish her, Sire?" the guard questioned, but only was answered with a short shake of the head. Once the King had gained back his breath, he gave his reasoning.
"She's my sister. I could never wish anything against her. Leave her be. She'll come around, I know it. She'll realize that I'm on her side."
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Canary word: Present
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129,657 Literary Works • 671,509 Reviews
Hey there Ulala! It's me again, back for the next part!
I really don't have much to say on this chapter apart from nitpicks! It's pretty perfect in itself. I believe it also solves an earlier point in my previous you about how the king and queen came to be as they are. I see the king might a demanding person, I think we also get to see that he does care about her, and that he is only trying to look out for her. I don't see how he thinks locking her away and giving her such a strict set of rules will help her turn to him though. Oh well, to each his own. Maybe you should mention his reasoning for all the rules. Is he worried she would do something reckless? Or just trying to force obedience on her?
I know this is just the second part to the chapter, but it wasn't a good line to start with. I didn't even really get what it meant xD Make it clearer somehow? Something like: The door looked in on the table, revealing it in its entirety. Something like that xD Down the length just didn't let me get it until I read the sentence three times.
Upon seemed like the wrong word to use? How about plastered on his olive skinned face? A grin stretched across his?
Oh, the king and queen are siblings! Which makes a lot more sense
I have this image of him staring at the rice as it gets closer to his face, until he goes completely cross-eyed. Not the right picture I think. Using the word 'watched' may be the wrong words for such a simple action. Maybe something like: he resolved before he turned his face down and fed more rice into his mouth. Much more simpler, and still the same meaning.
The 'and' should be an 'a' here instead.
Using the 'this' threw me off a little bit. It didn't really fit into the voice you've had going on here. Maybe replace it with 'the' or something.
Overall, another brilliant chapter. I enjoy reading this and I am wondering where this point of view is going to go? I guess I have to wait until you post to find out! Let me know on my wall or something else, as usual. Looking forwards to it ^^
Deanie x
More spoiler. Sorry that I got to your other review before this one.
Sera is not actually Queen. She's a princess. You'll see why later. I decided not to spoil.
This is amazing!!!
I haven't read the previous chapter but I can promise you I will (partly because of the name, osorezu and hana, I love Japanese names). Okay, back to the review.
You have a lot of imagery which is good. But I think you could try not being so graphical all the time. I really like the names. Toren. Sera. Got a nice ring to them. I'll let you know what I think of the other chapters when I read them.
That's me signing off!
Never quit writing!
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
While this still was enjoyable to read, I felt it wasn't as polished as the last chapter. Still a good read, though.
Guys usually don't have "breasts," just to let you know.
"Join me beside me." Just doesn't sound quite right, meaning, not quite pleasant to the ears. I would personally find some other way to say this that sounds a bit less dull and repetitive.
This paragraph was a little boring. It feels unneeded, because no vital information is being given, and it goes, "She did this...then this...then this..." without the usual break in there of some elegant description. You just say, "she ate bread and jam," and not a whole lot else. Perhaps omit the paragraph, or go in and add a few flourishes about Sera's mannerisms, or a blip about the toast to spice it up.
Rather than just saying, "she was mad," it's always good to explain this through character interaction. In this case, you've done both. Not quite as fresh as possible, but the character interaction, and Sera scratching her plate, is what's important. It says far more than just, "she was angry."
And I believe the "He sighed" there at the end should be broken off into its own paragraph, or put at the beginning of the next. It was Sera who spoke, so Toren's action shouldn't directly follow.
The end of this sentence, the "leaving," is out of place, because you stated right before that that "she left." Simply mistake.
Overall, it was interesting, and though I haven't read the rest of the book, it definitely seems like something I might like to pick up and read.
Thank you ulala8!
#TheFaultInOurReviews