The archer was gone, or hidden. Regardless, no more arrows were fired. Most of the horses had been spooked and had disappeared, along with a great amount of cargo. Travel would be impossible for the Argonauts if not for Shun’s knowledge of their whereabouts. However, this did not ease their burdens.
Kai found herself pressing forward while riding on Shun’s back. Her blood loss had made her too unstable on her feet for traversing forest undergrowth. Her forehead was beaded in sweat from a light fever. It didn’t pose a threat, according to Kenichi. It would only make her uncomfortable.
Pualani found herself at the head of the group, leading the only horse that remained. She was a supply mare, therefore couldn’t be ridden. What of their supplies they still had were luckily the most essential to their journey, though not to their survival. The bags included such things as; a map of their planned route, which they had most definitely strayed from; a book detailing the gods and goddesses as well as the demon Hono, which was only kept for specific knowledge if ever needed.
Kai’s head was reeling as it pressed to her best friend. What are we going to do? What can we do? All seemed hopeless to her. They were already on a hopeless mission to find a Child of the Light, and she knew that the world was doomed if they did not. They were ants ducking for cover as a cruel child burned them with the sun and glass. Hiding wouldn’t save them from the child’s foot. Attack the child wouldn’t help either. This was suicide.
“Kai?” Shun questioned, glancing back toward her. “Are you alright?”
“Y-yes,” she hastily replied, accidentally slipping in a whimper.
“Are you sure?” She must have sounded so pitiful to him. He could always see straight through her facades, no matter how impenetrable they seemed to her.
“I’m sure,” Kai replied, sending her eyes back toward the other Argonauts. Kenichi was organizing the little tools inside of his vest. Kai couldn’t believe that she’d thought of him as so useless. He’d saved her life. Her gratitude was so deep, it was metamorphosing into sorrow-- sorrow for her false depictions of her friend.
A similar thing could not be said about Tara. She was realistic, that was sure, but she was also very abrasive. What does she have against me? Kai wondered for the thousandth time. There was no reason for there to be any friction between the two of them, yet there was. It perplexed the young Guide to no end and sewed dread into her soul.
“We’ll be in town shortly. It’s at the bottom of the hill,” Shun called out. At the bottom of the hill was Ri Shun, which was the second town they were supposed to stop at, but their loss of horses spurred a loss of time, which was of the essence. This would be their only stop in a town besides Shui Shun. Their only hope was prayer, and faith in that they would find the Child of the Light.
“We need to take shelter. We’ve been on the move all day long,” Kai said, to which she collected tired nods and groans in agreement. It wasn’t long before the Argonauts reached the bottom of the hill. They were also swift in finding a suitable inn to take refuge in. It cost them a piece of gold each to stay, and four pieces of silver more for food, and ten silver pieces for lodging for their mare. They paid with with four gold pieces, and received ten silver pieces in return. Tara took their mare to the stables as the rest of the Argonauts sat down for dinner.
“Kai,” Shun whispered to her, “we should order ale.”
“What? Are you insane Shun? I never took you for a mad man. We’re underage,” Pualani hissed in a low tone.
“Don’t be silly. Look at Kai. She’s a mess. My father always told me to drink when you’re injured to numb the pain. Mayhaps that’s what she needs,” Shun reasoned. “She’s stressed. She’s been shot. Besides, we all can pass for eighteen. We’re not that far from it.”
The Argonauts sat in silence for a moment. Kai glanced toward the bard in the corner, singing drunkenly of a sailour falling in love with a mermaid. Pualani saw a man and a woman, drunk on beer, swaying and laughing. Kenichi let off a hum as he thought on Shun’s words.
“I’ll do it,” Kai said, nodding her head and placing her trembling, uninjured hand on the table. “My family’s blood is made of alcohol.”
“That’s the spirit!” Shun grinned to his friend and nearly clapped her on the shoulder. Luckily, a lick of sense struck him and kept him from doing that.
Tara returned and found herself a chair at the end of the table. This had her sitting out in the aisle. A wench soon found them and collected their requests for food. As she left for the kitchen, her foot caught the leg of Tara’s chair and nearly sent them both to the ground. The wench wobbled to a balance and scurried off, face as red as a tomato. Tara, on the other hand, stood, with her face a similar shade, but in anger.
“Why did I have to tend to the horse? When couldn’t Kai do it? She’s done nothing but get hurt and walk at the front like a queen!” Tara declared lividly.
Shun stood reflexively.
“Tara, calm down. It was an accident. I don’t understand what any of this has to do with Kai.”
“Everyone’s done something! Kenichi healed her. Pualani led the mare through the forest. You navigated. Why did I have to tend to the mare and sit in the aisle? If I hadn’t gone with the mare and Kai had, I wouldn’t be angry!”
“Kai might have been thrown from her chair,” Kenichi offered, playing the devil’s advocate.
“It doesn’t matter! That’s not the point! Why do we have to listen to Kai’s orders anyway?” Tara protested. Bystanders were beginning to stare.
“She knows more than we do, Tara. She’s the Guide of Strength and she has ties directly to Kurin. If we need to know something, Kurin can help us,” Shun said. “Besides, I don’t think any of us could take the burden of being leader much better than she can.”
“None of you understand! We’ll never find the Child of Light! She’s leading us to our deaths!” Tara cried, but it became quite clear that she was holding something back. She replaced her chair where it belonged and hurried upstairs to where she’d been told the room was.
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Canary word: Present
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Hi Ulala!
I finally had some time to review this piece for you. I have to say this was a pretty good chapter overall and we get to see a lot more of their characters. Their journey is steadily becoming harder because no they have fewer provisions than they had before, so I wonder how they will deal with that. You're steadily building the bridge between Kai and Tara, and if they didn't know something was going on between the two, they know there is something now. I wonder when Tara's best friend will pull her to the side and have a private conversation with her. Making scenes like this must be embarrassing for the group. I also wanted to mention how they thought of the idea of getting Kai a drink. It was interesting to see their take on this
I would try to avoid the repetition of the word 'hopeless' here. Maybe use a synonym instead and have a bit of a mix of vocabulary in here.
I wanted to know more about the thoughts and feelings of Kai after she was shot at. Can she think of anyone who would want to harm in this way? Some towns she would suspect, that they have had a bad connection to her own? Maybe it's a town who haven't had a guide appear in a long time and are jealous? I feel like these are things she should be thinking about as well, in her situation. Yes she is shocked, but she should be also worried about who could've done such a thing to an innocent child.
I also want to know more about her feelings :3 I know, I bring this up a lot, but her emotions are going to be playing a big part of this. Yes, you show this through the way her voice is trembling and the fact that she is rattling inside her own body. But I want to see it more through her thoughts. Thoughts are such a essential part of story telling.
Well, in this case even she notices her voice falls to a whimper and that doesn't sound very impenetrable to me. Maybe mention there how she wasn't surprised that he could see through this, but in other cases he managed to see the truth through her anyways. Just so we know you aren't talking about this case (where the statement doesn't match up) but in general
I wonder why none of her friends ask Tara why she even came! It's obvious she doesn't like Kai and hasn't been happy on this journey as well. So if she is having such a bad time, she probably should've never came. So why hasn't any of the friends retaliated with this statement in the shouting tantrum Tara has there?
I wonder, now that they are in town, can't they buy back the supplies they have lost? Or was that mention of money a hint that they have a limited amount? I wasn't quite sure, so make it clear in the chapter if they can or can't afford to buy back their supplies. It will be more problems and possibly a more interesting story if they can't
I am going to keep reading and head for the next chapter! This was very well written, and I like how the adventure is having a lot of difficulty even though they have barely started. Keep it up ^.^
Deanie x
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
Man, I feel so bad jumping right in at chapter 13 :/
I haven't read the other chapters, but I hope this review will be helpful for you anyway
Isn't this basically the same thing? The archer isn't there anymore, which means he/she is gone. But if he/she was hidden, they'd still be gone, right? Unless Kai (she's the main character I'm guessing) didn't actually see the archer leave so she thinks that they're hiding somewhere close. Either way, I think that this is redundant.
Is this supposed to be a thought? I only point it out because this is written in third person and all of the sudden it seems to be in first person. I know that you are smarter than to make a mistake like that. Maybe put it in italics or something to show that it isn't just a part of the narration.
This I know is a thought. So it should be put in italics.
And what exactly does this inn look like? What made it suitable compared to others they might've passed. Description is something that's very important in any piece of writing, but especially in a novel. You're asking someone to sit and read your story throughout. So you have to give them the tools for them to really believe it. That includes description among many other things. Even if it's just a short paragraph describing the front of the inn or comparing it to a much less desirable inn they might've passed before. Just give us something that helps us imagine what this inn is like.
Wow, I can definitely feel the tension there at the end. Kai was seriously injured, barely able to function. Shun cares way too much about her to believe that she's okay. Now Tara is complaining about having to take orders from Kai. It sounds to me like Kai is the one who should be giving orders and everyone knows it. So it'll be interesting to see how Tara acts around everyone from now on.
Overall this was a nice read. I have to admit that I was a bit confused at places, but I know that that is just because I haven't read the other chapters. If you add just a bit more description in here, it'll be a great chapter.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thank you so much! When I copy and paste these chapters in, it takes out the italics. Sorry. I forgot to put them back in. The thoughts were in italics. Thank you for helping me!
I only read a couple paragraphs, and I don't have time to read more, but since I haven't yet read the previous chapters, I think I'm going to start from the beginning.
This is already incredibly intriguing, and I can't wait to read the rest. You seem to be a very good writer by the couple paragraphs I have read. I look forward to reading what you have up until this point and whatever you read after.