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18+ Language

get naked & dig

by spectator


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

vladimir putin is fucking with your thermostat,

and some far-away god is

switching the base pairs in

your strands of dna. 

-

you coat yourself in winter coats, 

and are reminded of the boy

who told you victims of hypothermia 

are advised to strip off their clothes, 

once the fabric has absorbed 

a certain amount of cold. 

-

you take it a layer too far - 

your skin peels away,

cell by cell.

-

exposed veins,

blood curdles, freezes-

but your mouth is still warm.

-

metaphors melt,

just below your tongue. 


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2631 Reviews


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Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:04 pm
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Rydia wrote a review...



Hi! So I really like a lot of the imagery in this poem but I think it's hard to find the context and feels a little too metaphorical/ doesn't quite satisfy my need for answers. I'll give some general comments as I read it through for the second time and hopefully I can give you a few things to think about/ improve on.

1. So I get that the first stanza is about bad things happening but I don't actually know what the consequence would be if the base pairs in your DNA were switched or what the link is between Putin and the far-away god. The first stanza flows well but it creates a lot of questions. I like that you've tied these abstract thoughts to some solid images with the thermostat and the helix structure of the DNA but the first stanza doesn't really give me anything to ground myself on because I still don't understand these abstractions.

2. I both like and dislike the repetition of coats in the first line of stanza two. I think I like that you're playing with words but you almost drew too much attention to it and it feels a tad out of place in what seems to be a poem with a very serious undercurrent. Perhaps you could make it more subtle, something like: 'You paint yourself in winter coats'.

3. a certain amount of cold. << The flow of this line feels off because amount is such a bulky word. Perhaps 'a certain level of cold' or 'a certain weight of cold' would work better or maybe even 'a certain degree of cold' - which is still a little bulky but has the added bonus of that chilling playfulness you seem to be going for.

4. The third stanza is good. The fourth is a bit less interesting and doesn't seem to move the poem very far and I don't like the fifth stanza last two lines of the poem because they tell me this is a metaphor for something but not what. I don't know if the cold is an extended metaphor for the kind of person Putin is or for Russia in general from the cold war etc. and it feels like there aren't enough solid lines/ images to help us understand what kind of statement you're trying to make. I'm left with the sense that you're criticizing Putin but I don't know what part of his regime/ what it is he's done in particular which you are speaking against.

I hope that gives you something to work with and I really do like the extended metaphor and the tone you've built, but I think you need to make your message clearer.

All the best,
Heather




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Wed Feb 01, 2017 1:10 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here for a review!

Hey spec, you know I like your poetry--this is no exception. It makes me sad since I haven't seen you around in a bit, but nonetheless, let's jump right into the review! The first stanza was a little confusing probably only to me because I didn't know if the first line was pointing to Vladimir Putin and if he had claims of global warming, or what that was referring to--because I'm personally not that educated in that area though if you could clarify that for me, that'd be awesome. The rest of the stanza talks about this god who is playing with the dna of 'you' in the poem, and from what I can tell, this is the general 'you'. I say this because there's no hint or any other context clue that shows otherwise, and it doesn't really seem to be written to a certain person.

The rest of the poem kind of follows the same image of the body and cells and I think you take it in an interesting perspective. In the second stanza, we have the imagery of winter coats and I think this fits well with the cell imagery that you use in the later stanzas. Something that I wasn't too fond of was the tone of the stanzas and how they all kind of change or shift with that. The poem feels a little fragmented with the stanzas and I was hoping they would be more cohesive.

They all have similar subject matter but they don't quite fit all the way. The fourth stanza happens to have a lot of potential, but it doesn't really work with me due to the wording. The last two lines that end of the poem feel disconnected from the rest of the imagery because it's something that I felt that you just wanted to throw into the poem to throw into the poem. If you could work it better into the poem I think it would make for a stronger ending. The imagery that you use is interesting and I'd like to see you play around with this poem more in total.

I hope I helped and have a great day!





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