we fit comfortably together
lying side by side by side
like matches
tucked into a kitchen drawer
we are unsuspecting
we never cry help
instead we say
did you hear about the girl,
whose head exploded?
then we exclaim
how unfortunate!
as we detonate
our skulls
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,305 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
Hello Summerinthecity!
This is a really impacting piece, like, I read it and literally got shocked by what it said when it said that they were talking about exploding heads. Good job drawing us up to that without exposing the tension that's going to happen there. I mean, I figured matches was just being imagery, but this is literally talking about matches.
It takes a little while for that to sink in, and I really like that. Since I'm not really finding that much to critique, I'll comment on why I liked what I liked.
I really liked the way you did conversation in this poem. You juxtapose things well, talking about things in this light hearted way like we sometimes talk about some horrific things like school shootings. I also like the juxtaposition with "Help" because people don't always realize they need it, and that's the case here. These matches just don't understand their existence until after it's too late.
I'm not 100% sold on having "side by side by side" because I'm not sure that repetition of that phrase is that effective. You could use something a little more interesting if you wanted to, like "we fit comfortably together/like toothpicks" or some other sort of example that provides us with the same image, but not with repeating the same word. Still, I think it works well to make us feel easy with the poem.
My favorite part is the stark change between your last three lines. I really like how you did that and I think that's what really makes the poem pop out form other poems.
In the future writing, I'd really love to see what you could do infusing more emotional content in a softer way, like actually delving into a metaphor with the reality of that metaphor still there. I think matches has a really great metaphor for how our society is with how you used the almost news-like qualities to their discussion, and we have had a lot of "how unfortunate" things happen recently, so this one's pretty good, but what else can you do to make something really stick out?
I hope to see more from you!
Hey there!
Mysterious, well written, fascinating, well thought and good poem.
I assume that it is about two best friends.
Because that's what besties do! We are perfect for each other, we back bite together, when we are together we don't need help and i interpret kitchen drawer as a place for vessels. Vessels stay together all the time and still they can never be silent as whenever they meet it produces some sound. So i can perfectly relate to my best friend and me there.
So, if my interpretations are correct then dude! you nailed it! This poem is a well drafted, creatively expressed "we are BFF's" themed poem.
thanks for giving it to us..(let me know if my interpretation was wrong)
bye!
that's not quite what I was going for.
then what was it??
Nice piece of penning. I appreciate in the way you arite the situation of being helpless sometimes. But somehow Its saddistic humour what I find. Anyways , keepnon writing but make it a little clear. Your carving os good though. Have a nice time ahead.Blessings!