i should be ready to leave
in no more than 15 minutes.
yet, i am standing in front
of the mirror, in only a
bra and underwear.
more importantly, i'm feeling
uncomposed.
still, i'm thinking it's
possible to rub away
the dark circles under
my eyes,
using only the pads
of my fingers.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I wish that I could just say "Same" and walk away from this piece, but you deserve a decent critique. That said, I'm quite a fan of this piece in its entirety, and there's not much to be criticized. This resonates soundly on a different level with folks who deal with depression, with anxiety, with insomnia, with the younameits. It's a great minimalist description of what's often the worst part of trying to push out an ordinary life: the fact that when you're caught in these moments right at the cusp of succeeding or failing to be normal, it often catches up to you that this crap is the world's suckiest balloon that's tied, most accurately, around your neck.
My only real critique here is that the flow can be a bit choppy, but I'm torn on whether or not I dislike that. It's a short and bitter piece and there are often times when that sort of flow works for what you're aiming for.
All-in-all, fantastic job. You just earned a fan.
Ty
Thank you!
I think is brilliant, your use of everyday life as a poetic symbol is beautiful. I do find it a little unorthodox for to use words like uncomposed as a feeling, however it does add effect. I hope to read more from you in the future. In conclusion, Brilliant! a fresh perspective on poetry.
Thanks!
Hi this is Spartan 118 here or an amazing review so beer with me.
So my first impression is this is a kinda rushed poem here but really good work. It seems to me that you kinda woke up late in this poem and had to rush to get ready for work or for school. I didn't see any grammar errors and if there are some I won't be able to tell you where they're at I'm not an English professor so yea. Honestly the best way to get rid of the dark circles under yay ur eyes is to rinse your face off with hot water then cold water and to rubs some lotion or aloe under your eyes that's what works for me so if it doesn't work I honestly don't know what else to tell you.
I hope to see more of your work in the future and keep up the good work.
I hope you have a wonderful day, evening, morning, or night.
thanks!!