bored, wearing hoop earrings
i put on lipgloss because
i forgot chapstick
my hands want to move
or i like the taste of strawberries
i think i like myself better
with my shirt off
breasts out
but pants buttoned up
belt hugging waist
hidden under a layer of stiff jean
are creases in my skin
trails of dark hair
i cannot decipher the fabric
brown, black, or grey
you like me better
running my mouth off
maybe think that’s the way
i always am cause
the three times you’ve caught me
i’ve been post-cup-of-coffee
reeled in my mouth
dripping like a faucet
mistook this for fun
or interesting
i have to ask
what will you do with my silences
i know, i’ll be fiddling
with my hoop earrings
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This is Kaos here for a review!
So I usually like your poetry, but I was mixed on this one. I thought it was a little confusing but the images that you create are the same as always but I wish there was more because it's the strength. I don't particularly know what the title has to do with the rest of the poem and I felt it was a little unrelated. Why name and base the poem off the supermoon if it's only going to be relevant for the next couple of weeks?
My main thing with this poem is that it just describes the speaker and not as much around them. You do great descriptions of the speaker but we don't really get to know the atmosphere around them as much. Tell us what's going on around them and give us more than just that. Give us what's around them, their surroundings and how they look and smell and taste, give us all of that.
Along with this, I didn't really find the theme of the poem or the emotion? The emotion for me, wasn't really there this time and it's one of the things that made me mixed. This goes back to your descriptions of the speaker and everything immediately near them but we never get to really know how the speaker feels other than bored. I didn't understand why the poem was written and for me it was harder to interpret this time, but that might be just me.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
I'm not really sure what's happening in this. Some of your lines don't quite flow, like at the end of the first stanza.
my hands want to move
or i like the taste of strawberries
There really isn't any rhyme or reason to this, which maybe is the purpose, but i couldn't find a theme at all. The only thing that matched were your hoop earrings. It has a nice start, but it just doesn't have a good poetry feel. Maybe work on the flow a little, and try to connect a little of what you're saying. Overall good start.