penelope says she hates it here -
suspended in a pedestrian bridge over the highway,
incased in metal fencing.
she hates that the smell of exhaust
has a way of choking you,
that the cars never stop roaring.
she asks me why i like it here
and i say something silly like:
i love to watch the sea of headlights
and know that everyone is going somewhere.
i don't tell her i think sometimes it's nice
to stop breathing for a second,
that white noise was never loud enough to drown out my thoughts.
i don't tell her that i've woven pieces
of myself into this bridge.
and is it wrong to love a place that
holds me?
where my friends and i tried to wheat paste
our works of art to the cement ground
of the bridge, in the winter,
and our fingers turned red and began to burn
with the chill of the air.
we didn't create a single thing
that was permanent.
where i sat with her and
we threw our worries at the cars -
hoping that this would be enough to
prevent them from finding their way back to us.
where he tasted like salt and
really nothing else.
is it wrong to love a place where
people loved me?
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!
This is an amazing piece! The imagery and the way the words help the poem flow easily makes it so enticing as you follow the story that is formulated. This makes it so enjoyable as the reader almost gradually gets comfortable with the poem easing them into a memorable experience with beautiful writing. The layout is thought out well and works easily with the story to give it a gripping rhythm throughout. Everything is consistent and it just represents your talent as a writer. I really like how you start off the poem with the extra descriptions well placed below the main point. For example:
she hates that the smell of exhaust
has a way of choking you,
I absolutely loved this as it set a personality to the narrator and gave the story a head start on developing the attitude that will be used all through the poem. The grammar and punctuation were pretty much on point - I'm curious to the point of the lower case theme though. And I how it ended on a rhetorical question as it left me thinking after the piece had finished causing it to be memorable. Overall I loved this piece and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
All the best,
Godly
thanks so much!
spectator,
This is really quite a beautiful piece, easily my favorite that I've read this week. The way it shows and aches and longs and pulls you right into the conversation. My favorite parts begin with the speaker justifying their love for the bridge, "something silly like... " and the lines that come out say so much more than what is being said, which I loved.
Lines 9-lines 15 really evokes this image of home, this struggle of having adapted to the bad and made stronger by it, the love-to-hate kind of feeling we get of our roots and our childhood homes and lives, the way that our roots ground us, and trap us and forge us. It suggests to us the meaning of 'local' without ever really addressing it directly, and I don't "like" poems often, but these lines here made me squee on that button. I have so much appreciation for this.
The image of the macaroni too, again, signifying that childhood nostalgia of things, the things that bond us to places and the memories that shape us. So much emotion tinges the piece throughout, and the play of expressions make it an enjoyable read.
Where I think the poem loses it's power is towards the end with the rhetorical. This poem takes us on a journey, it summons this bridge for us and it evokes these memories and feelings for us. The tone and voice of the speaker is aiding us in a direction as we're wading through this - and the direction that we're being led to is "loving a place where people loved me?" doesn't ring quite true for me and I feel as though I can scratch out those last two lines and not have lost anything of the poem.
The last two lines point back towards an argument that's already been won, but why? I already understood and have journeyed through these arguments, I don't need a rhetorical "And that's why I am right and you are wrong" here.
A lot of people ask locals why they live in such and such a place and point out the negatives, sure. But the real question is not that loving the negatives is a bad thing, the real question being asked is, what makes a place home?
The speaker knows this intrinsically and shows through their growth and tone and memories exactly what it is that makes a place home - but perhaps a more interesting conclusion or turn of direction for the ending could be having the speaker wondering why the bridge is not a home to their friend?
It would certainly be a more surprising and interesting conclusion, as it seems the friend has not walked in the same shoes and experience that the speaker has, perhaps the friend is a transplant, or perhaps the friend wishes to spread their own wings. There is definitely a conflict of interest when we have the speaker who loves a place for the people who have loved her, and in turn, there is a sense that the speaker *loves* their friend, and so that conflict of : I love you, and I live here, would you not want to live here with me -- this is rife and rich for conflict and emotions.
Having the speaker's perspective on that would be pretty fresh and new and exciting. But these are just suggestions! Take with a grain of salt.
I hope this helps.
~ as always, Audy
aaah, thank you! this is really helpful! i would love to discuss it more sometime!
Any time! Feel free to pm me.