corded phones are outdated
and so is romance
but I like the way your voice
gets tangled in the coils of wire
and the pads of your fingertips
dialing my number
equates with you
touching me
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,820 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
I really liked this poem! I think adding proper punctuation will help it a lot. The vocabulary that you used was really good. I can tell that you worked hard on this work!
Have a wonderful day,
Alice ❤
Also don't feel bad about mistakes:
"We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents." Bob Ross
sorry i just love bob ross quotes xD
Thank you!
Hello it's me!
Praise: You use a lot of imagery in this so I can really tell what you are trying to say. I like the way you worded everything. The whole thing with the corded phone was amazing my favorite line was "but I like the way your voice gets tangled in the coils of wire". Well done.
Grammar: Even though this is a poem you still need capitalization. Nothing in this poem is capitalized. You also have no punctuation.
Overall, This was an amazing poem I absolutely loved it. I enjoyed reading this as and as writer that is one of the most important thing. Please remember that poem require capitalization and punctuation. I can't wait to read and review more of your works.
Goodbye, have a nice day!
Hey, thanks for the review!! I realize that I didnt capitalize anything - capitalization promotes capitalism.
"capitalization promotes capitalism" omg XD I might steal that
Don't forget to quote me
@cleverclogs
I'll be sure to!
Hello there!
I like the comparing of romance with phones.
This was really unexpected and surprising.
This is the only line that is confusing me and it sounds pretty unfinished for me.
'the way your voice'
I think you mean 'the way your voice sounds' ?
Maybe you had just forgotten the verb there. It will look more finished if you add it to this line.
I think the last line could be a bit longer so you could finish it properly. The end was kind of unfinished and not as good as the very beginning. You can just continue the line a bit more and be more detailed around it.
Overall, I really like this short lovely work of yours and I hope you keep on writing and improving. Good day from me.
Thanks!! And "but I like the way your voice gets tangled in the coils of wire" is one complete thought, it just runs into the next line.
Hi summer,
it is really an interesting poem you got here. The ideas are just simple but amazingly you manage to catch attention through this part of your poem.
"gets tangled in the coils of wire"
I do really like this.
I think the last two lines are not really catchy as an ending here. I just feel like it is not finished yet. The voice, it is hanging there. Maybe because you make it into a short form of length compare to the beginning. There is a sudden change of voice and it would be nice if you add a comma to stress the word, making it more meaningful and prominent.
Have a nice day and take care.
Thanks for the review!