The Bully

Hello there. I hope to give a fair review.

The poem raises a concern which is not usually raised in poems. Even though it's a personal experience, it can be related as their own by different people (thank god I am not one of those). But as this poem raises a concern it's a good one. At the same time it also tells the reader not to bow before bullies and give them answer in their own language.

Though to be honest, it will be better as a rap, not a poem. You have tried to rhyme, but the words which rhyme are far away and breaks the flow. The words which have been used are casual ones, nothing like poems. But it can become a poem if you rephrase some lines and use some better words. I feel that you use unnecessary full stops. Writing a poem which rhymes with so many full stops is illogical. It completely kills the rhythm. It is giving the poem a slow-motion effect, but the lines are going fast. What I liked though, was that you have given a true threat to the bully when he is trying to hurt your friends. This addition is so good. It shows your caring side.

Overall, the poem is concerned with a topic which not many talk about in poems, which is a good thing. But the poem is not given much thought as a true poem. So, it has potential, only if you take it seriously.

Hey Ghost223,

I have to say that I think for an emotional situation [bullying] you've handled spelling out your feelings about it well. I can completely understand the indecision about action you're expressing here. It makes a lot of sense! I feel like that's probably the strongest thing about this poem!

Another really cool thing I liked about this poem was the way that you used language how you'd say it, like using "throwin'" rather than "throwing" because it gives the poem more flavor than it would have otherwise. That provides your reader with more of a sense of voice and allows you to explore more vernacular rhymes as well, like if you were going to rhyme "throwin'" with "drown" even though this poem isn't rhyming.

I do have to say that I think this poem gets a little carried away however. You end up using a lot of phrases that I've heard before like "you'll be six feet under ground" and "I'll give you a taste of your own medicine" which are idioms, or things that your area/language would say but might not translate that well into another language. They're also usually considered cliche because they've been used so much they became an idiom. It tends to be that people will have idioms that are incomplete as well if you go back to the original source.

That being said, I would love to see you describing these emotions through a more uniquely verbal experience. If you were able to replace some of these things that you've heard people say before with things that you haven't heard people say, maybe like a metaphor or a simile, then I think this poem would become something more unique and personal.

Of course, you don't have to do what I suggest, but it's always good to keep writing so you can use my advice to generate a new poem!

All in all, I think you've got a good start here and the more you read and review poetry here and elsewhere, the better you're going to get. It'll take time to get there, but if you keep writing, you'll keep improving. If you need some clarity on something or you just want to talk, feel free to PM me!

-Aley

I'm not someone who would sit down and review poetry all day, but this certainly caught my attention. I love the enthusiasm you put into this poetry, and how descriptive you are when adding lines. My favorite pair of lines is when you said ‘Cause when I’m out makin’ millions, you’ll be six feet in the ground.' Those lines immediately capture readers' attention and drags them into reading more from this. I highly recommend you making more of these types of writing because I'll definitely be reading them and adding more reviews as you go.

OK, I loved this. I generally don't enjoy reading poetry doesn't rhyme but I actually really liked this! I love the message behind this. Especially when you say, 'Never-mind, I don’t care,
‘Cause when I’m out makin’ millions,
You’ll be six feet in the ground.' This is so true! I love how you continue to say you don't care but the minute they go for your friends you are ready to show the bully what pain is really like. The message behind this is so powerful and it really is amazing. I get the feeling it is derived from a personal experience, please correct me if I'm wrong, and this adds something to it.
Anyway, this was amazing and I look forward to reading more from you.